Book 2 Chapter 35

Yalda slipped quietly into the bedroom, she felt like her entire energy had been drained. The lights were low, the room was tinted in muted gold and shadows, but all she felt was the ache which was deep and sour, and it was twisting somewhere behind her ribs. And the fact that she couldn’t blame anyone for it, not Ioannis, not even Maria made her feel petty and small.
But she couldn't help it, she felt threatened, she felt like whatever stability she'd managed to get over the last couple of weeks would slip away very quickly, she was scared she'd go back to how she used to be, she was scared the one person that anchored her would be too occupied with someone else to notice she was back to drowning.

She sat on the bed with her back against the headboard for a while, staring blankly ahead, replaying dinner in her head; Mariah’s trembling hands, Ioannis’s gentle voice, the way he’d barely glanced at her but noticed every detail about his ex-wife, even her appetite. She had pushed the thought down quickly, but it clawed its way back every time she blinked.

She was trying so hard not to cry right now. Something about enduring the day for so long made trying not to cry at night seem so hard. She forced herself to stretch out and lay down eventually, pulling the covers up to her waist, determined to sleep before her emotions swallowed her whole.

It didn’t work though, expectedly. If she could simply sleep everything off, she wouldn't be so messed up in the first place.

She was exhausted, and she desperately wanted to sleep and let everything go, but each time she started to drift off, she'd snap out of it and regain full consciousness, and the thought of Mariah being back to stay would haunt her. She drifted in and out until the door creaked softly open nearly two hours later, Ioannis had finally decided to join her.

She didn’t move, she kept her breathing slow, pretending to be asleep, trying not to let the bitterness in her chest rise. For some reason, she didn't want to talk to him.

Ioannis entered quietly, she felt the bed dip as he climbed in carefully, trying not to wake her. The mattress shifted with his weight, then the warmth of his body edged close behind her. His hand reached to brush a few strands of hair away from her face as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head like he always did.

Her eyelids twitched before she could stop them, and her cover was blown so easily.

“I thought you were asleep,” he murmured.

Yalda inhaled softly. “I was waiting for you.”

And it wasn't a lie, a part of her had wondered what he was doing, why he hadn't joined her sooner, what Mariah was saying to him. How could she sleep well knowing he was with someone who had everything he was drawn to?

Even in the dim room, she could feel the pause in him, the slight tension. He sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “Mariah was having a difficult time falling asleep. She kept… spiraling. I stayed until she settled.”

There it was again, that tightening in her chest, it was sharp and it made her breathless. Jealousy was an ugly emotion, she’d never felt this version of it before. Not with Alexander, not with anyone. But something about this; about Mariah crying in Ioannis’s arms, sleeping under the same roof, receiving comfort that once belonged only to her, made her feel displaced and unwanted, like she was watching herself slowly step out of her own life.

She hated feeling this way. She hated that she couldn’t control it.

She said nothing though, she only turned her face into the pillow and closed her eyes, hoping he couldn’t feel the storm inside her. There was a long silence, she sensed him looking at her, trying to read her expression in the dimness.

“You barely ate at dinner,” he said quietly.

Her eyes snapped open. For a second her spirits lifted; so he had noticed, but then she remembered how he’d said it earlier, at the table, except she had thought he was talking to her, and it wasn’t her at all.

The warmth faded.

“I wasn’t hungry,” she answered flatly.

Another pause followed, then Ioannis exhaled slowly, frustration and worry mixing in his breath. “Yalda…”

“I’m fine, Ioannis. Goodnight.”

She tried to turn away from him, but before she could, his hand slid around her waist firmly, not letting her pull away.

Then he shifted, moving smoothly and decisively until he rolled her onto her back so his body was pressed over hers, caging her beneath him. Their faces were merely inches apart. His eyes searched hers with something raw.

“Look at me,” he said softly yet firmly.

She did, though her throat was tight.

He lowered his head and kissed her deeply, swallowing the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. She gasped softly against his mouth, her fingers curled into the sheets from how unexpected this was.

When he pulled away, his voice was lower and deeper. “I love you.”

Her heart throbbed painfully.

“I love you, Yalda. Only you.” he added.

Before she could answer, his mouth began trailing down the curve of her jaw, the line of her throat, lingering there as though reminding her where she belonged; with him, under him, in his life.

"I know this is hard for you, I know." He said. "But it is just as hard for me, I just want her to get better, and I promise you she'll leave once she's stable."

His hand slid down her side purposefully. Then lower, slipping between her thighs, he shifted her lace panties aside so he could touch her without barriers. She inhaled sharply as his fingers brushed her, slow at first, testing her reactions. A tremor ran through her legs.

“You have nothing to worry about.” he murmured against her skin. “I am yours. You had me since the very first time I saw you, I saear.”

She was trying to focus on what he was saying but his fingers kept moving, stroking her gently, teasing her open. Her breath hitched, and her hips lifted involuntarily into his touch.

“Ioannis,” she whispered, barely audible.

His pupils darkened. “Want me to keep going?”

“Yes.” Her hands reached up, gripping his shoulders tightly like her life depended on it. “Please.”

Ioannis kissed her again, deeper this time, while his fingers slid through her slickness, finding that spot that made her gasp into his shoulder. He circled it slowly, building her up with expert ease, soft enough to comfort her yet firm enough to unravel her.

She arched into him, breathing shakily.

“You’re trembling,” he murmured against her lips.

How could she not?

“You’re making me,” she whispered back.

His mouth curved into a faint smirkl. He kissed her again, swallowing her soft moan as he slipped two fingers inside her. Her back arched, her thighs tightened around his wrist but he shook his head, prompting her to open, and she did

He thrust his fingers slowly, curling them just right, feeling her clench around him. Yalda’s hands reached up and grabbed at his arms, her breaths were turning into small, unsteady sounds. Heat spread through her body, coiling lower and lower.

"Ioannis..." She moaned incoherently. "Don't stop."

His fingers were making her vision blur, they made the knot in her chest loosen and wrap around the pit of her stomach till she was unable to contain it. Her toes curled tightly and her fingers gripped his arm as she trembled and writhed beneath him.

“Let go,” he whispered against her mouth, kissing her between the words. “I’ve got you.”

He didn't need to tell her twice. She let go.

Her orgasm hit her sharply, intensely, so intensely that her breath hitched. She tried to muffle her cry against his shoulder but he held her face gently, making her look at him while she came undone. Her body arched, her legs shooks, her chest rose and fell heavily.

Ioannis didn’t stop, he kept pumping into her until her breathing began to slow and she collapsed against the pillows exhaustedly.

Only then did he withdraw his hand, bringing his drenched fingers to her lips. She sucked on them weakly, she was drained. Her eyes were damp, not from the orgasm but from everything she had been holding in.

"Good girl." He murmured.

He lay down beside her and pulled her tightly against his chest. His hand stroked her back slowly to soothe and ground her, to calm her trembling.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered again. “Always.”

Yalda pressed her face into his neck, letting herself melt into him, into the warmth, into the safety she had feared she was losing.

Little by little, her breathing evened out. His hand kept moving slowly over her back until she finally drifted into sleep.