SIXTY-FIVE
Her heart pounded heavily as she waited for him to speak, she waited for him to say something, anything at all. But all he did was stare at her till she could take no more of the intensity of his eyes, she tried to shrug his hands off but his hold on her only tightened.
“Let go of me.” She bit out sharply.
She had literally just poured out what ached her the most and all he could do was stare at her in such an antagonizing manner? The look in his eyes accused her of betrayal. She tore her gaze from his as she once again tried to shrug his hands off.
“So, you don’t want this to be a secret anymore?” He spoke at last.
His hold on her became firmer as she struggled to get away from him.
“Just leave me alone.”
Her throat had clenched so much, she found it hard to breathe. She shook her head; he hadn’t taken too long to respond. She wasn’t sure what she was about to do next, but all she knew was that she wanted to get away from him as quickly as she could.
“Answer me, Yalda.” He said, it was more of a demand though he remained calm.
She tried pushing his chest to get him to budge, however, he dragged her closer to himself so their lips were a breath apart. She stilled, but her heart continued to thunder in her chest as their breaths mingled.
“Answer me.”
Something about the way he spoke told her that he wouldn’t repeat himself. She dragged in a shuddering breath before forcing herself to speak.
“I….I don’t care if it’s a secret.” She tried to clarify. “I can’t be just a whore to you anymore.”
She so desperately hoped he understood what she meant. It felt like her life depended on it at the moment.
“I can’t watch you leave again and again when all I want is for you to stay with me, to hold me.” She cried quietly. “I can’t deal with how cold you are, how emotionless.”
His hold on her weakened as he began to truly understand what she was saying.
Her shoulders shook as she began crying all over again. She had seen the look that flashed in his eyes, one of withdrawal. She tried shrugging his hands off once more, and this time, he let her go. Saying nothing more, she turned around and began hurrying away. She needed to be away from him, she needed to run, she needed to hide.
“Yalda.”
She heard him say her name right before he grabbed her arm and dragged her back abruptly. Her bosom bumped against chest as he pulled her against himself and crashed his lips unto hers in a deep and almost punishing kiss which she found calming in a twisted way. His hand encircled her waist to keep her in place as his tongue explored every corner of her mouth until she was breathless, and when their lips parted, she found herself unable to say or do anything.
“You’ve known me long enough to know that I can only ever give you money.” He said. “I have no emotions to give, Yalda.”
Her heart clenched but she couldn’t look away from his eyes while he broke her all over again.
“Distant, cold, emotionless, that’s all I can be.” He told her.
“I don’t want your money anymore.” She croaked. “Go ahead and get as many whores as you want, I just can’t do this anymore.”
He brushed a strand of hair from her head before leaning in to claim her lips in a gentler and more controlled kiss. He kissed her till her erratic heartbeat slowed, till her body ceased to tremble uncontrollably, till her knees weakened.
“Foolish girl.” His breath continued to mingle with hers. “I’ve been the unkindest to you. How did you let yourself become this way?”
It wasn’t like he gave her much of a choice. He was perfect, he was everything she needed, hos could she not be this way? She averted her gaze from his at last; she had had enough. She gave into her exhaustion and her knees would have given out if he hadn’t held onto her. Her lips parted in protest as he scooped her into his arms, but she found herself unable to say a word, she was too exhausted, too broken.
She let her eyelids droop resignedly as he made his way back to her bed and gently lay her on it. Her heart clenched even more as he gently took off her shoes, and when he began working on the zipper of her skirt, she shook her head to stop him.
“I just want to ensure you’re comfortable.” He told her.
She didn’t care what he was doing, all she knew was that he was killing her.
“I just want you to leave.” She said quietly.
His fingers lingered on her zipper for a moment longer, a moment in which he contemplated what she had said. Finally, he straightened up and backed away from the bed, all the while, his gaze remained fixed on the endless streams of tears streaking down her cheeks. He raked his fingers through his hair exasperatedly before shaking his head.
“Goodnight Yada.” He said to her.
And with that, he turned around and walked away regardless of the fact that it ached Yalda to her very soul.
……..
The sensation of being licked on the face repeatedly roused Yalda from her surprisingly relaxing slumber. Her eyes sprang open to find Loki’s face right in front of hers, not just that, it was bright and sunlight was already streaming into her room from the window; she had forgotten all about drawing the curtains last night.
Her eyes widened alarmingly as she realized that she was late for work, not just that, Loki was hungry. She scrambled out of bed as quickly as she could, almost stumbling while she was at it, and Loki bolted behind her.
“I’m sorry.” She apologized though he probably didn’t understand her. She hated that she had neglected to feed him on time, she hated how irresponsible she had been.
And it was only when she had filled his bowls that she let herself think about last night, she let herself think of Alexander, she let herself feel. She settled down beside Loki as he ate noisily, and though she tried to hold herself together, the first stream of tears left her eye.
The day had just begun for her yet she was already crying, how was she going to get through the rest of it?
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