EIGHTY-SIX
"Are you alright, Ms. Harris?" Carl had asked her during the drive back to her apartment.
She had been crying quietly, breathlessly. She had felt like losing her mind, like screaming, but she had been unable to anything but cry. She had asked him to take her to her apartment instead of the office, and she had texted Alexander telling him she was feeling alright so she'd go home from the hospital.
She hadn't even been able to respond to Carl's question, she had merely forced herself to nod as she clamped her palm over her lips to stop herself from making a sound.
The results had returned and they were all positive, she felt stupid; it seemed she truly did not know how her body worked. She had only been off contraceptives for some weeks and she had managed to get pregnant.
She couldn't even believe she was pregnant; nothing about her felt different, nothing at all.
Carl had taken a hint and had let her be, he hadn't said anything else till they got to her apartment and he helped her out of the car gently.
"I hope you feel better soon." He said quietly.
She nodded gratefully, but she truly wasn't sure she'd feel better soon, she wasn't sure about anything at all.
"Thank you." She replied, her voice was hoarse from crying.
With that being said, she turned around and made her way into her apartment. Loki ran circles around her legs as she made her way to her room, she found herself unable to pet or even acknowledge him. She merely crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her.
She was pregnant.....
A thousand thoughts were running through her mind; what was she going to do? What if Alexander thought she had gotten pregnant on purpose? What if he hated her for this?
She was definitely going to have an abortion, she hated herself for even thinking it, but that was her only option. This wasn't the right time to have a baby, this wasn't the right time to even think about having a baby; she was unstable in many ways, and so was Alexander.
She had told Young she wanted the pregnancy aborted immediately but the woman wouldn't comply.
"He has a right to know, he has a right to be a part of this decision." She had told her.
"He'd want this. He'd want me to get this done." She had cried.
She felt like a monster, she really did. But what else could she do?
"Go home, Yalda. Get some rest, think thing through, and then decide what you really want to do." Young had said.
And here she was, crying her eyes out while being unable to think at all.
Like always, Loki settled beside her when he realized she wasn't quite herself. She appreciated his support though it did absolutely nothing to make her feel better. She wasn't sure for how long she lay there, she wasn't sure if she had fallen asleep or just spaced out, but she only snapped back to reality when she heard her phone ringing.
She dug into her purse and fetched it, Alexander's contact was displayed on the screen and her hand trembled as she tapped on the answer icon.
"Hi." She said as she raised the phone to her ear.
"Are you alright? I called several times." He said. "And I've been ringing the doorbell."
Her eyes widened in horror. He was here? It seemed she had indeed fallen asleep.
"I'm sorry, I'll be there shortly." She replied before lowering the phone from her ear and hanging up.
She pushed the covers off her legs before climbing out of bed, her heart pounded heavily as she made her way out of her room, and she realized she was almost faint when she got to the door. She was trembling all over as she opened the door slowly. Her breath faltered as his gaze raked over her quickly.
A slight frown creased his face.
"Have you been crying?" He asked.
She shook her head before stepping and gesturing for him to come in, he did.
"What's wrong?" He asked once she had closed the door.
She turned around to face him slowly, all the while, her body continued to tremble and her breath continued to falter.
"I...I..." She stuttered quietly. She didn't know how to start, she didn't know how to put it.
He stepped closer to her and took her hand in his before brushing a lock of hair from her face.
"Calm down. Tell me what's wrong." He said. "Did you see Young?"
She averted her gaze from his at the mention of Young, but she nodded nonetheless.
"How did it go?" He asked her. "Did you get the shot?"
She shook her head. Of course, Young had refused to give her the shot because she was pregnant.
"Why not?"
He nudged her head up to face him once more and he realized she had tears in her eyes.
"Talk to me Yalda." He said. He carressed her cheek tenderly, so very tenderly, and it caused her heart to ache eveb more.
"She....I...." She stuttered quietly. How could she possibly put it.
"Yalda." He said her name firmly. "Tell me."
A shuddering breath left her and her heart pounded even more heavily.
"I'm pregnant." She told him though her voice was barely a whisper.
He stared at her, his eyes gave nothing away and neither did his face, and for a moment she thought he hadn't heard her.
"I... I'm pregnant." She said again, louder this time.
He shook his head as though he couldn't have heard correctly. It was just a small act but it had Yalda breaking down all over again. Her tears broke free and she began sobbing quietly.
"Say something." She cried.
"Yalda, you can't be pregnant." He said.
She had expected this, she had seen it coming.
"I am."
He shook his head once more.
"We're going to do another test, a dozen, I don't care how many." He said as he began walking back to the door while taking her with him.
She knew it was going to be a waste of time so she pried her hand away from his and backed away from his.
"There's no need." She told him. "I already did the tests."
"How many?" He asked immediately.
His eyes were so dark, so cold, so distant.
"Five." She responded.
She was really crying now.
"Blood or urine?" He asked her. He clearly didn't want to accept this.
"Both." She croaked.
He raked his fingers through his hair as he shook his head once more.
"Fucking hell." He cursed under his breath. "Fucking hell."
"I'm..... I'm sorry." She said quietly, it was all she could say at the moment.
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