EIGHTY-THREE
“Alex. Alex wait.” Sasha’s voice echoed throughout the hallway as she hurried after Alexander. She grabbed his hand the very second she caught up with him. “Tell me you’ve never felt anything for me.”
Alexander could hardly believe this was happening, he could hardly believe he hadn’t seen it coming. How had he been so blind? How had he not noticed all along? Now, he wasn’t sure whether to feel bad for having not been mindful of her emotions or not. He shook his head; he could do this.
“Go home, Sasha.” He told her, his tone firm. “I don’t need this right now.”
She shook her head quickly.
“What do you need then? I know you; I know everything you’ve been through; I understand you.” She spoke quickly, as though she was trying to plead a case, as though every second that went by was threatening to be her last. “You just need someone who understands you.”
He nodded, and for a brief moment she seemed to think he had agreed with her.
“You’re right, I need someone who understands me, but that person clearly isn’t you.” He told her. “And you do not know half of what I’ve been through; you know what I let you know.”
More streams of tears went streaking down her cheeks as she shook her head, she so desperately wanted him to not push her away.
“I won’t say it again, go home.” He warned.
With that, he pried his hand from hers and walked away. He hadn’t planned on going to Yalda but he found himself making his way upstairs determinedly, and it wasn’t long before he joined her in their room.
….
The entirety of Yalda’s body trembled furiously as she sat on the windowsill staring down at the lush garden downstairs. She found herself unable to breath properly, she found her chest feeling too heavily. Unable to hold it back, she set her tears break free and stream down her cheeks.
Her gaze snapped to the door when Alexander walked in, their gazes met immediately. She had expected him to be upset but she saw his eyes softened as he made his way over to her.
“I want to leave.” She said the very second he got to her; she didn’t want to hear what he had to say, she didn’t care if he was going to defend Sasha or not, all she knew was that she was done,
“We’ll leave tomorrow.” He told her.
Of course, she hadn’t expected that reply; she had expected him to tell her she wouldn’t leave, she had expected him to disregard what she had said and simply ask her about what had happened. Not knowing what to say next, she let her gaze return to the garden downstairs.
“What did she say to upset you this much?” He asked her.
She shook he head. What did it matter? He wouldn’t believe her anyway.
“Why don’t you ask her instead?” She replied.
“I’m asking you.”
Her gaze sapped back to his.
“She called me a replica of your dad’s bitch.” She spat. Her body trembled even more and she had to clench her fists to control herself. “It’s so upsetting because it’s the fucking truth.”
She watched his eyes darken; he shook his head. He was about to speak when she chuckled humorlessly,
“Of course, you don’t believe me.” She said, she blinked and more tears went streaking down her cheeks. “Sasha couldn’t have said that, right?”
“That wasn’t what I was going to say.” He told her.
“What were you going to say then? You were going to warn me about bringing up your past?” She asked him, her voice was trembling now, she was on the brink or really crying.
“Fucking hell, Yalda, calm down.” He snapped as he reached out and placed a hand firmly on her shoulder, his eyes bore into hers deeply. “Calm down.”
A shuddering breath left her due to the intensity of his eyes, she found herself unable to say anything else.
“You are not what she said you are, you are Yalda.” He told her. “Do you understand?”
She shook her head once more.
“You sure as hell don’t keep me about because I am Yalda.” She replied. It was almost stupid really; she didn’t dare think he was keeping her around because she was her.
“Don’t complicate this.” He said to her. “Don’t.”
Oh, but everything was complicated; everything about their relationship was a mess.
“Tell me anything has changed.” She dared him. “Tell me my presence in your life has nothing to do with Nadia Joseph till now.”
A look flickered in his eyes, a conflicted look which was only there briefly.
“Listen to me, Yalda.” He said to her, but she was done listening.
She shrugged his hand off her shoulder before climbing off the windowsill, she turned around to leave but he grabbed her arm and guided her back to stand in front of him.
“What did I say about walking out on me?” He asked her, his eyes had darkened even more, yet she found herself unable to be bothered.
She tried shrugging his hand off once more but he held onto her still.
“Let go of me.” She snapped; she was crying now. She was trembling all over, she was breathless, and she was exhausted. “Please.”
He stared down at her for a moment; watched her breakdown, and then he guided her against his chest for a hug she didn’t know she needed.
“I haven’t thought about Nadia when looking at you in a long time.” He said against her air.
She refused to believe that, he was saying what he thought she wanted to hear. She shook her head as she tried to back away a from him, but his hold on her became firmer.
“You’re lying.” She cried quietly. It was the painfullest lie she’d been told.
“You know I’m not.” He replied simply. “I haven’t thought about her, you have my word; when I look at you, I see you. When I fuck you, I see you still.”
Her heart was pounding too heavily against her chest, too quickly; she felt almost faint.
“Then why do you still keep me around?” she asked him.
If she wasn’t a coping mechanism anymore then he had no reason to keep her around, she knew this very well.
“I keep you around because I want to.” He replied. “Because I want you around.”
Her tears had began saturating his shirt but neither of them cared. He held onto her till she resignedly leaned her head against his chest completely, till she stopped trying to get away from him.
“You’re mine, Yalda. It doesn’t matter what you think or what anyone says, you are mine. Do you understand that?” He asked her.
She nodded.
A sane person wouldn’t have found his words endearing, but she wasn’t sane; she had lost her bloody mind. His words got into her head; they chased away all the troubling thoughts before they began working to relieve the weight in her chest.
“Say it, tell me you understand.” He said.
And she dragged in a deep breath to calm herself before she spoke;
“I understand.”
“Good.”
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