FORTY-ONE

The doctor had said something about fatigue and also after effects of the concussion; he had said she’d be fine if she ate and rested properly. He had also mentioned something about her blood pressure being higher than normal, and she had been advised to calm down and take a moment to breathe.

A very long silence had stretched between Yalda and Alexander when the Doctor left, and after what seemed like forever, Yalda spoke.

“Go ahead, say it; you warned me about Jaxon. You can gloat.” She said quietly.

Alexander’s gaze flickered to meet hers and he stared at her quietly for a moment before shaking his head.

“You really thought I was after the gloating?” He asked her.

What else could he have been after? He had warned her and she hadn’t listened, of course she’d expected him to gloat.

“You weren’t?” She asked him.

He scoffed humorlessly.

“You know, Yalda, Jaxon and I had a very cordial relationship.” He said. “And to avoid that getting ruined over petty matters, I tried to warn you of his character from the very start.”

She averted her gaze from his as tears suddenly stung the back of her eyes. She had not only ruined her friendship with Jaxon, but also ruined Alexander’s friendship with him. To some extent, she felt like she hurt him, she felt like she had poured too much energy into whatever it was that they had and had led him on because she had been trying to get back at Alexander in a way, and then she had suddenly pulled away.

But all that aside, she was immensely disappointed in herself for having not seen this coming, for having not been a good judge of character; she had been swayed by Jaxon’s charms and it had led her to this.

“I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “I didn’t mean to ruin your friendship with Jaxon.”

He shook his head.

“It’s fine. That’s not a problem; I’ll call him tomorrow.” He replied. “You, however, are the problem.”

Her snapped back to his and her heart fell to the pit of her stomach as a thousand thoughts crossed her mind. What did he mean by that? Had he finally had enough of her? Was about to put an end to whatever it was that they had? She blinked and the tears in her eyes broke free.

“You don’t want me anymore?” She asked him quietly, her voice barely a whisper.

His brow arched slightly but his eyes gave nothing away.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? To be free of my overbearing presence in your life.” He asked her as he leaned back into his seat.

Her throat clenched painfully and more tears streamed down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop herself from shaking her head, she wasn’t sure she could live without him; she was literally obsessed with him. Everything she did, she did in regards to him, one way or another.

“No….” She croaked quietly.

He seemed exasperated as he rolled his eyes subtly. She watched him push his seat back and stand up before he made his way over to the bed in three long strides, the soothing fragrance of his cologne snaked its way into her nostrils as he joined her on the bed.

“Will I ever understand you, Ms. Harris?” He said as he reached out and wiped her tears gently. “You’re warm to the touch; stop crying before you come down with a fever.”

How could she possibly stop crying? So many things bothered her at the same time and she just wanted to scream and put an end to it all.

“I’m the problem?” She asked him quietly.

He nodded.

“I don’t know what to do with you; you’re suddenly nothing like yourself.” He replied. “Fucking high blood pressure, Yalda, what could possibly be bothering you so much?”

What was bothering her so much? Did he for once consider that it may have been him? She averted her gaze from his but h gently nudged her cheek so she looked at him.

“Talk to me.” He coaxed.

She forced down a lump that had formed in her throat as she tried to come up with what to say.

“I’ve just been thinking about my life a lot lately.” She replied at last. “I feel….stuck.”

His thumb gently brushed away the new stream of tears that wet her cheek as she blinked.

“What do you need?” He asked her.

She needed him; she needed him to feel for her what she felt for him, or at least just a bit of it. She wanted to know everything about him, she wanted him to just….let her in. Her eyes appeared magnified they danced with uncertainty, she felt like she was losing her mind.

“I….I don’t know.” She replied at last, it was all she could say.

He shook his head; he wasn’t having that.

“Don’t lie to me.” He said.

“I’m just so confused….” She croaked quietly.

“Yalda, you’re young, you have all the money you need, you’re beautiful; why are you confused?” He asked her.

He wouldn’t understand. How could she have possibly expected him to? She leaned back against the headboard tiredly and his hand fell off her.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She concluded.

He shook his head as though she exasperated him even more.

“You know, you’ll end up screwing yourself up if this goes on.” He told her.

“What would you have me do?” She asked him. Did he really think it was easy to talk about things that bothered you so easily? If wearing emotions on sleeves was so easy, he wouldn’t be so uptight and closed-up.

“Tell me what’s wrong; don’t care about how it sounds, don’t care about anything at all.” He replied.

The look in his eyes told her he meant every single word he had said. She forced down yet another lump from her throat before letting herself blurt out the first thing that came to mind.

“For how long do you intend to keep me around?” She asked him.

His brow arching slightly told her that he hadn’t expected that.

“That has been bothering you?” He asked her in what seemed to be disbelief.

She wasn’t willing to respond to that so she said:

“Answer me, please.”

He rolled his eyes but conceded nonetheless.

“The contract says….”

She shook her head immediately. She knew what the contract said; she had signed away ten years of her life. But she wasn’t asking about the contract, she was asking him.

“I know what I says.” She told him quietly.

He nodded consideringly.

“For as long as I can.” He replied. “Is that all?”

She shook her head. She had thought as much, she knew he liked having her around, and she wasn’t sure if that would change anytime soon. But what bothered her was:

“And nothing about our relationship will change?”

His brow arched slightly.

“In what sense?” He asked her. “Do you want more money?”

Perhaps he meant no disrespect, but his words were like a punch to her gut. She couldn’t keep the hurt out of her eyes.

“You think I only care about your money?” She asked him in disbelief.

“That’s not what I meant.” He replied.

She dragged in a shuddering breath as she wiped away her tears as though they burnt her. He would never understand her; she was wasting her time.

“My head hurts; I’ll like to go to sleep now.” She said quietly.

She was to spend the night here for observation.

He stared at her for a moment before letting out a sigh.

“I’m sorry, that was thoughtless of me to say.” He said. I understand that you’re tired and would like to go to sleep but I think we need to talk about this.”

He was making an effort and she truly appreciated that, but she was exhausted. She shook her head resignedly.

“It’s fine, but I’d rather not.” She replied quietly.

He rubbed his temple almost wearily; his exasperation might as well have been palpable.

“For fuck’s sake, Yalda, talk to me.” He said.

He wanted her to talk to him? He wanted her to ask him questions? It wasn’t like he was going to answer but she decided to ask nonetheless.

“Nadia Joseph, she was your father’s secretary and I can’t help notice some similarities between myself and her.” She said. “Tell me she has nothing to do with why you keep me around.”

Her heart hammered heavily against her chest as she waited for him to respond. The sudden darkness in is eyes chilled her spine but she held his gaze still. It may have been a hand-full of seconds or a full minute, but it felt like forever.

“You’re tired, it’s indeed time to go to sleep.” He said.

He began climbing off the bed but she held his hand to stop him.

“Answer me, please.” She begged him. “I am dying to know; I’m losing my mind.”

“Yalda.” His tone told her he was shifting back to his distant and authoritative persona, she should have threaded carefully but she couldn’t; she was literally desperate now.

“Please.” She continued to beg, she was crying now, sobbing. She refused to release his hand, she couldn’t. “Please tell me. I truly do not feel alright about this.”

“Go to sleep, Yalda.” He ordered.

She shook her head. She needed him to answer her.

“No, please.”

That was all it took for him to snap. He pried off her weak hold on his hand and climbed off the bed quickly, his quick movements told her that he was really upset, but she tried going after him foolishly.

“Stay down or I swear I’ll have you sedated.” He warned her. Something about the way he spoke told her he wasn’t joking. Something about the way he spoke made him seem very…..dangerous. As though a bucket of freezing cold water had been dumped on her, she froze.

“Go to sleep quietly or the nurses will make it easier for you.” He said before he turned around and walked out angrily.