14: Lay him to rest.
**Thane pov**
We decided that Kieran’s funeral would be a quiet, private event. We didn’t bother alerting the pack about his death - there was no use in it since he never had been the friendliest of the bunch.
If anything, Kieran was a loner. He preferred his own company and silence. Somehow, with all the shit going on in the pack, we grew closer - almost a chosen family, but neither of us knew much about Kieran’s private life.
From what I gathered, he didn’t have a family, didn’t have a chosen mate or any friends.
Technically, he was alone out in the wild.
Well, not exactly for the past few months since he had us, but for the majority of his life, that man was alone. Just him and the silence..
Torin was slowly digging the grave in the middle of the woods while Samantha slowly, carefully, wrapped Kieran’s body into the blankets from his bed.
What we decided to do might have felt weird for many, but to us, saying goodbye to Keiran like this felt like the right thing to do. Even in his grave, he would rest in the comfort of something so familiar and close to him.
I had to be the only one who was sitting aside, doing absolutely nothing.
Okay, sort of nothing. I sat on a large rock, stared into the distance and kept thinking where did we go wrong.
Suddenly, a hand clasped over my shoulder and Torin sat next to me, streaks of dirt all over his face.
For a good moment, we didn’t talk at all until he decided to break the silence. “We did everything in our power to help him, Thane. You can’t keep blaming yourself.”
“I’m not blaming myself,” I grunted.
Torin let out a bitter laugh and shook his head, “yeah, because I really believe you now. You’ve been sitting here for hours on end, frowning and sulking like there’s an answer out there that you absolutely have to find. How’s that working for you, my friend?”
I let out a shaky breath and the tension from my shoulders slowly faded. Deep down, I didn’t even know what I felt anymore.
Leaving a pack member always was hard - a heavy experience, but leaving someone who stood next to me like a brother was a brand new suffering.
“It’s not working at all,” I admitted in a weak whisper. “I keep thinking there had to be something we could do to keep him alive. Kieran was young, damn it, so fucking young and he’s no more..”
I couldn’t finish the sentence. In fact, I still couldn’t accept the fact that Kieran wouldn’t randomly barge in my room and tell me stupid jokes out of the blue.
I was so used to his presence, his hidden jokester side and the serious look on his face..
“Fuck,” I choked out and all of a sudden, tears streamed down my cheeks. I tried to wipe them away, tried to hold them back but nothing worked.
I sat there, next to Torin, crying like a little bitch, unable to stop.
“Let it out,” Torin muttered and slapped my back gently. “Let it all out, brother.”
My shoulders shook as I cried, my hands pulled in tight fists and there was nothing I wanted more than I wanted to destroy something. And that something was Bane’s fucking face.
“It’s all because of that bastard. If he wasn’t that fucking weak, Kieran wouldn’t be attacked by that thing, he wouldn’t be marked and wouldn’t die. Our brother would still be with us if it wasn’t for Bane. Fuck, why didn’t I kill him when I had the chance?” I growled, my entire body starting to shake.
Torin sat silent for a longer moment. “Listen,” he breathed out the word slowly, as if he was choosing words that were safe to communicate with me. “I won’t try to defend Alpha Bane, the Goddess knows he’s a bastard in his own right, but that thing.. That creature or creatures that live inside him, I don’t think any of us could fight it. I truly believe something that old has to be insanely powerful to survive as long as it has.”
Tears blurred my vision as I nodded and swallowed loudly. “I know,” I choked out, my voice breaking. “I know, Torin. You’re right but it’s so damn hard to accept that you’re right..”
“And I understand,” he muttered, bringing his hand to my shoulder to squeeze it. “And while I also understand it’s hard for you to accept that Kieran isn’t with us anymore, he wouldn’t want to see you like this. Thane, Kieran looked at you like a true brother, you were all the family he had. If anything, he’d want you to be happy. He’d want you to live and enjoy life for as long as it’s meant to be. One day, you’ll reunite with him, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon. Promise that won’t happen soon.”
I sucked in a shuddering breath, wiped the tears off my cheeks again and stood on shaky legs. “Let’s go put my brother to rest,” I muttered and turned around, heading towards where I knew Torin had already prepared Kieran’s grave and Samantha was waiting for us.
The closer I got, the more painful my heart beat. I literally felt like there was barbed wire wrapped around it and each beat made the metal sink deeper in.
I had no idea how I didn’t drop to my knees when I got closer and saw Samantha crouching next to his wrapped up body.
Seeing him like this, for the last time, wasn’t how I imagined our friendship to end.
Stepping closer, I swallowed loudly and forced myself to look at him. Kieran deserved a proper burial, he didn’t deserve averted eyes and shame.
My chosen brother was a warrior, a fighter, and we would let him rest as one.
“Thane,” Samanta whispered, looking up at me.
I shook my head and choked out a weak, “don’t,” before I crouched down and carefully slid my arms under Kieran’s lifeless body.
As steadily as I could, I slowly stood up and held him close, closing my eyes and breathing in to calm down as much as I could.
Then, slowly, I walked towards the grave, stepped down the steps Torin had made leading down into the ground and stood there for a longer moment, holding Kieran’s body close.
“Moon Goddess,” I whispered and looked up at the night sky. “Accept my brother’s soul, protect him, let him heal and send him back to us stronger than ever.”
Swallowing loudly, I finally laid his body down on the ground, covered his peaceful face with the blanket corner and stepped out of the grave.
Torin and Samantha stood silent as I grabbed the shovel and choked out, “let’s lay him to rest.”
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