33: This is us, my love.
**Bane pov**
Although I knew Aife was trying to soothe my worries, her words didn’t make it easier. I could still feel the monster moving under my skin, his dirty hands scraping against the edges of my mind.
But, at the very least, Aife’s touch, paired with her calmness and warmth, made the monster weaker. The monster was slower, quieter and that alone gave me just enough room to breathe, think and figure out how to fight against it.
Finally, I exhaled and leaned down to press my forehead against hers. “Okay, we’ll try. I just need you to be completely ready for whatever might come. Please, I beg you, understand that I just can’t let that monster take you or the baby from me. I can’t..”
Aife let out a soft laugh and gripped my jaw a little tighter. “You sound ridiculous when you say it like some overdramatic hero in a play. You’re allowed to be scared, Bane. Everyone has the right to feel something, even if it’s only fear they feel. Just stay strong, as strong as you can be, and don’t let the fear consume you.”
I took a deep breath and tried to shift my focus on what I was about to do. I was still in the form of the beast, the rotting ugly wolf creature. I could feel his weight fully, but it wasn’t fighting me anymore, or at least not as much as it did before Aife was around us.
First, I willed the beast to back away and let me be me, if only for a bit. I needed to have my own hands, my own body, my own fucking skin feel how it felt against hers.
To my absolute surprise, it.. It gave in. Holy fuck, it truly gave in and soon, the sound of bones breaking, and rearranging, filled the tent. It took longer than ever before, but finally, I sat there as myself, not as the beast.
“Bane,” Aife choked out and threw her arms around my neck.
I didn’t hesitate as I wrapped my arms, MINE, around her and held her as tightly as I could without hurting the baby she was carrying. We both cried like desperate souls, our hands grabbing at each other like this was the first and last time we got to touch each other.
When she pulled away, I wiped the tears off her cheeks.
“My Bane,” Aife choked out again, grabbed my wrist and gently pressed it against her bump. “This is us, my love. Feel him.”
A lump, in the size of a fist, grew in my throat and I couldn’t utter a word, both too amazed and too overtaken by the emotions that were at war inside me.
When both of us finally calmed down, somewhat, we sat in silence while I gently stroked the belly, muttering promises under my breath, swearing to my son that I wouldn’t stop until his mother and him were safe and happy.
Slowly, I lifted my head until my eyes met Aife’s. I wasn’t surprised by the tears that were brimming in her eyes, but the look she gave me absolutely caught me off guard.
No one, and I seriously mean, no one in my life had ever looked at me with this much love, hope and adoration before. Even my own mother, which if I was honest, I barely remembered, let alone my father.
Aife was the first person in my life who had looked at me this way and I’d be damned if I ever let this feeling slip between my fingers ever again. This woman was the very essence of my being, the reason I still fought, the purpose of my life.
Maybe she didn’t know it yet, but this exact moment, her looking at me the way she did, our baby lazily kicking inside her, was the turning point of my life.
“He’s kicking,” Aife muttered and flashed me a smile that, for once, looked real and happy.
Her hand slowly covered mine and guided my palm closer to where I could feel our son kicking. My breath hitched and my eyes instantly filled with my own tears as I held my breath, trying to burn this very moment into my memory forever.
Inside her, growing and thriving, was the proof of our love in its purest form. If that wasn’t enough to force me to man up and face my demons, I didn’t know what would be.
“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?” Aife suddenly asked, both breaking and somehow making the moment more meaningful.
The truth was that I had already made the decision even before she asked the question.
Was I scared? Hell to the yes, I was terrified of what might happen next. I wasn’t worried about myself, but those I loved, yeah, I was insanely worried about them.
But, as always, Aife was right - I couldn’t let the fear consume and control me.
These days, more often than not, I had to remind myself that I was an Alpha, not any everyday man or pack member.
“Can you promise me,” I whispered, not taking my eyes away from her bump. “That if anything goes wrong, literally anything, you’ll leave and hide somewhere, where I can’t find you? I need you to promise this to me. No matter how bad it goes for me, you worry about yourself and our son.”
Aife’s eyes grew twice the size and she didn’t even hesitate to shake her head. “No. I won’t make such a promise. I told you, we’re in this together and we’ll get through this together too. No more running, hiding and splitting up. Enough is enough.”
Well, it was official, now more than ever, I had to face the truth of how fucking unworthy of Aife I truly was.
I begged her to run and escape the danger I brought in her life, the fucking danger I was while I truly wasn’t myself anymore, but instead, she doubled down and gripped my hand tighter.
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