37: I don’t want to hurt you.
**Aife pov**
Even from here, I could feel the strength the beast possessed as it moved under Bane’s skin so violently, it shook his every muscle. The moment after, a low, barely there growl tore from Bane’s throat, but that too wasn’t his own.
Instead of flinching away or showing fear, I just sat there, face as calm as ever. I had no reason to show fear or attempt to run away - I trusted Bane and knew he would reach out the moment he’d think he had reached his limit and needed grounding.
“You’re not fighting alone,” I repeated myself again, knowing how much those words meant for him, even if those were the only words I would ever speak. “I’m not going anywhere, I refuse to leave you. For as long as I’m here, you have my word, reach out if it gets too much to bear.”
Bane let out a sharp, heavy breath. It sounded ragged, as if he was letting out some of the tension he had been holding in for whatever long time and it truly physically pained him to do it. “Aife,” he muttered my name again, his voice barely audible in the silent tent.
“Yes?” I hummed, trying to sound calm so he would feel more at ease if he decided to speak his mind.
“I don’t deserve you,” he admitted, his voice weak and choked, eyes cast down to the ground like he was ashamed to meet my gaze. “I never have deserved you. Everything we have, everything we built, it started in the worst way possible and I-”
I cut him off before Bane had a chance to slip deeper into self hatred he clearly already struggled with more than anyone deserved to. Regardless of what the past had been, I didn’t want to watch him suffer even more than he already had.
“Bane, don’t say that. Just stop it, the words and the thoughts, all of it has to stop. Focus on the fact that you’re fighting, holding yourself together and pushing against something that’s far more powerful than all the power combined some people see in their entire lifetime. That alone is more than enough for me, if not everything I could’ve wished for. You’re everything to me and I’m sure to our son too.”
He blinked at me like I had suddenly grown another head right before his eyes. In his gaze, I could see the raw vulnerability he was trying so hard to hide and the tears followed up right after. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered in that broken voice that always managed to make my chest tighten.
“You won’t,” I reassured him, maybe too quickly for him to believe, but I meant every single word. “Not today or ever. I know you won’t for as long as you can help it. But first and foremost, I need you to start believing in yourself, Bane. You have to trust yourself to be capable of holding back, and I’m not asking that for myself or the baby, I’m asking that for you.”
Bane took a deep breath and at that very moment, sweat broke out on his forehead. I could see the exact moment when the switch flipped and all of a sudden, he wasn’t just dealing with the emotions, he was pushing back against the monster that once again tried to take over.
Black streaks appeared and disappeared from his skin as Bane started breathing heavily and his face turned a little red with the strain. “I’ll try,” he forced the words through gritted teeth.
I had to fight against every instinct within me not to reach out to him and try to help push the monster down, or at least weaken him. Somehow, I held my hands to myself, letting Bane fight the battle I knew I couldn’t fight for him.
“That’s it,” I whispered, hoping my words and the sound of my voice could help him at least. “You’re already doing it without me. I’m so proud of you, keep pushing.”
Bane closed his eyes for a moment and sucked in a sharp breath, held it, then exhaled slowly. After what was nothing short of agonizing seconds, I could hear his breathing even out.
“This feels different,” he admitted quietly, eyes still closed.
“It should feel different. You’ve been so used to carrying the weight of that creature within you that you forgot how it feels to be you without him. And now, you know that no matter how dark or ugly this all gets, we’ll make it together. Every fairytale has darkness in it, Bane. This is ours, and I believe we’ll get to the light.”
His arms twitched slightly as if he wanted to wrap them around me, but he held himself back. All I could do was lean closer to ensure he felt the warmth of my body and presence without fully allowing our skin to touch. “Don’t forget to remind yourself that you can do it.” I whispered.
Bane opened his eyes again, meeting mine with a determination that hadn’t been there before. “I can do this, I have to.”
“And I’ll be here every second of the way. Even if it’s scary, it hurts or ends up in another disaster, whatever comes next, we’ll be ready to face it together. I believe that’s the only way we get to the other side. If you succeed, if we find a way how you can control that thing without me around, I’m absolutely certain we’ll break the curse - one way or another, we must do it.”
A faint growl tore from Bane’s throat. His eyes widened a little as he mumbled, “that wasn’t me, sorry.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at his need to explain it. While Bane still sat across from me, forcing a weak smile, his hand shifted back into that half rotten claw and reached out to cover my belly. The touch was gentle and careful, almost protective.
I glanced down and whispered, “you see that? I believe even the beast wants to protect us. It’s two against one, that has to mean something.”
Bane nodded and let out a heavy breath as his body finally relaxed. While just moments ago he was tense and unmoving, now it was clear that even while he still had one claw instead of his hand, he truly felt like he was in control again.
“This is just the beginning,” I said and looked up at him, grinning from ear to ear. “We’ll get there, one step at a time, and when the time comes, we’ll be unstoppable.”
His eyes softened, “together.”
“Yes, together,” I repeated for what felt like the millionth time and leaned forward to press my lips against his, a barely there kiss.
His hand instantly slid to the back of my neck to hold me in place as his fingers tangled into my hair and Bane deepened the kiss. “Fuck, did I miss this,” he muttered against my lips before his kiss grew so intense, desperate and passionate, for this little while, I forgot the world outside still existed.
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