34: Here goes nothing.
**Bane pov**
There really was no turning back anymore, so I took a deep breath and nodded. The first step was letting the monster feel Aife’s presence without letting it control me.
My heart drummed in my chest violently, but on the outside, I tried to appear unaffected and at ease not to alert her with something I struggled with. Aife had enough stress as it was, I truly worried that even more could harm our son.
I closed my eyes and felt how her hand tightened around mine against her belly. Warmth I had never known before spread through me and took my breath. When I opened my eyes, she gasped, but quickly hid the initial shock.
“It’s okay,” she assured me in a whisper and added. “One of your eyes is red, I think the beast is trying to surface again, but I also believe it’s not dangerous. Just curious, maybe? That’s all.”
Somewhere at the back of my mind, the monster hissed faintly. He was nudging at me, pulling at whatever he could grasp, trying to make me flinch, but I held still.
At this exact moment, I realized just how truly wrong I had been all this time. The monster inside me was dangerous, fucking awful, but it truly felt like the beast was on our side, not the monster’s.
The beast’s attention was completely fixed on the baby growing inside Aife. I could feel it, like a mesmerized, protective sensation that wasn’t quite mine, and for a moment, I couldn’t pull my hand away from her belly. Fuck, I couldn’t even breathe.
I sucked in a sharp breath and swallowed hard, “stay calm, don’t hurt her,” I muttered to the beast.
Fuck, I had to be going insane because I really felt how the beast inside me nodded.
Then, a sound of a low, almost soft growl vibrated through my chest, which made Aife laugh as she brushed her fingers over my hand. “See, he’s not at all scary right now. He’s really just curious, like a big, dumb puppy.”
Against myself, I snorted out a laugh. “Dumb puppy,” I echoed under my breath, and for the first time in Goddess knew how long, I felt like the tension was finally leaving my personal space for good.
Aife’s eyes sparkled with raw happiness, the smile on her lips was so wide and bright, it could’ve blinded me if I wasn’t careful. “Exactly, he’s just a big, dumb and a little scary puppy. What matters is that no matter how he looks or thinks, at the end of the day, I believe he wants to protect us. That’s what truly matters.”
I flashed her a quick smile and relaxed a little. The beast was absolutely calm and for once, he was listening to me too. I truly believed that Aife’s presence was the true key, since it also somehow kept the monster imprisoned and didn’t allow him to surface as he was used to doing all the time.
“You can do this, Bane,” Aife whispered and leaned a little closer. “I know you can. I’ve seen you fight before and now, you’re not alone anymore. If anyone can do it, it’s you.”
I tried to force another smile, but failed miserably while my next words felt like the most truth I’ve ever spoken in my life. “I know I’m not alone anymore, not for as long as you’re with me.”
She smiled and let me process everything for a few minutes. The silence around us didn’t feel as bad anymore and the occasional scratch from the monster in the back of my mind didn’t bother me as much either.
For a second there, I allowed myself to believe that the monster was only as strong as I allowed him to be.
While her hand was still covering mine, I made the first steps - I allowed the monster to surface, then pushed him back, focusing on nothing but Aife’s presence until the monster could barely growl at me.
“You’re doing it, love. I can feel the change in you, I think you’re starting to control it, not the other way around. Just a little, but it’s a start already,” Aife tried to encourage me.
“Just a little, that’s all I need,” I muttered and closed my eyes to concentrate. “It’s the first step.”
The beast stirred inside me again, wanting to take over, but I wasn’t sure if it was out of protectiveness or something else. “Careful,” I whispered to it, hoping he’d listen.
“Just breathe and focus,” Aife kept encouraging me. “And if you can’t, open your eyes and look at the bump, use it as a buffer for your determination to fight it.”
I opened my eyes again and instantly looked at the bump. Something inside me melted, I was pretty sure it happened, because every time I looked at her growing belly, I was amazed all over again. “You’re really patient with me. Way more than I deserve. Thank you.”
Aife only leaned closer to me, brushed her lips against my shoulder and grinned, “I’m patient because I trust and love you, Bane. In all shapes and forms, I simply love you.”
The beast inside me let out a pleased growl that sounded suspiciously like approval.
“I’m scared to pull away. What if the moment I let go, the monster takes over and I fail to-”
Aife cut me off before I could finish what I had to say. “You won’t fail, I know that you’re stronger than the monster. And besides, you have me and the baby to support you. You got this.”
Her words grounded me all over again. I let my hand rest on her belly for a little longer, enjoying the warmth that radiated off her body along with the love that somehow made me believe that together, we could face anything fate could throw our way.
“Okay, let’s do this then. It’s now or never,” I finally muttered and Aife flashed me one of her beautiful smiles as she slowly pulled away.
Far sooner than I was ready, the only thing left connecting us was my hand on her belly. I didn’t want to pull away, fuck I really didn’t want to, but I knew I couldn’t back out anymore. I promised her I would try, I swore to my son that I’d do anything and I was a man of my word, even if I felt like the biggest coward in the universe.
“Here goes nothing,” I said and pulled my hand away.
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