Chapter 131
Julian
Every muscle in my body ached, every bone felt like it was being snapped anew but that was absolutely nothing compared to the pain in my chest. I would have put it down to the stab wound , which was now just a faint shiny scar but I knew differently.
My heart missed Cassie.
“She’s gone.” I muttered under my breath as I shuffled next to Ian. My arm flung around his shoulder was the only thing that kept me on my feet. Without him I would have fallen. He was my crutch. Deep down I knew he had been my crutch for years.
There was nothing Ian wouldn’t do for me, and for mine. I knew that now and I would never take him for granted again.
I stumbled in the dark because it was dark now. There was nothing but our enhanced vision to show us the way. And my vision was failing.
Goddess I really was weak.
“She’s gone.” I clutched at my heart as the pain intensified. It was all most too much to bear. I had been tortured and broken and stabbed and sliced but this threatened to break me.
“I know.” Ian’s voice was sad. And the sadness in it broke me even more.
“I can’t feel her anymore.” My feet drew to a stop and I panted. “You should go on without me. Go and make a life for yourself. Find a girl and settle down. I will only slow you down.” Self loathing and self misery rushed through my body. It took away all my strength. I had nothing else to give. Nothing else to live for.
If Cassie was really gone then I would not live without her. I couldn’t. I couldn’t wake up every morning with the shame that I had failed her over and over again.
Ian whirled on me, his fist lifting to strike me. I didn’t even flinch.
“What the fuck happened to you Julian?” He growled. “You were never this fucking pathetic before. Never this weak.”
I stared him down. I didn’t expect Ian to understand. And if he wanted to get angry and punch me then I would take it. It wouldn’t do any good but I would take it.
“You need to snap the fuck out of my Julian.” Instead of hitting me his hands came down on my shoulder. “You need to be the man you used to be before all of this shit. You messed up.” He took a deep breath. “A lot.” He added. “But you can choose to make things better. You have a wife, a mate and two children to live for and a kingdom to win back. If you don’t want to do it for yourself then fine but do it for them.” He growled.
“Cassie is gone. I don’t feel her anymore. And if she is gone then my boys are-“ I couldn’t even finish the sentence. Even thinking about it was painful.
“Oh fuck sake Julian. Use the gifts the goddess gave you. Cassie is gone but she’s not dead.”
I froze.
“She’s gone. I can’t feel her.”
“She is gone. Out of this place. Somehow she escaped even without us and with two newborns strapped to her back. This emptiness your feeling isnt because she’s dead it’s because she’s not close.” He tapped my heart. “This would break if she was dead. You would feel her death. Now will you pull yourself together and fucking walk. I want to be far far away from this shit hole before dawn and I want food. Hot fucking food.” Ian snarled and not waiting for me to reply he trudged off. Leaving me no choice but to stumble after him.
I knew he was right though, about everything. But then again he usually was
“Do you know.” He carried on talking. “I’ve always hated this place. Always. Even as a kid. It felt like a museum or a fucking tomb.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “I guess now it really is a tomb. When you take your place as king choose a better place to set up a palace.”
“Like where?” I panted. “This is where generations of my family have lived.”
“And look at the mess of your family. Choose somewhere better. Somewhere Cassie and the boys can thrive. And any other children you have.” He side eyed me as I caught up with him finally. “That’s going to be a problem and you know it. Especially with Cassies family. I honestly can’t believe her mum and -“ he shook himself, “wait does that mean under Lycan law Cassies mum is married to the Lycan king? I know someone who is going to be devastated at that.” He shook his head. “But I guess I’ll cross that bridge when all of this is sorted. Right now we just need to get out and find somewhere to lay low for a while.” He paused at a fork in the passageway , his eyes shining in the darkness and then he turned his head towards one with a nod.
“It’s that way. I can smell the rain.”
I nodded. I could as well. For the first time in so long I could smell rain. Death was there as well but I was concentrating on the rain.
“We are almost out. I think we should shift now. We are faster as wolves and less easy to see.”
“Do you really think she got out?”
“Yes Julian. If you got out of your own head you could smell her. She went this way. There’s another scent that I don’t know as well. All mixed up with hers.”
My nostrils flared.
“She had help?” I whispered.
“Yes I think so. I can’t smell much fear at all. And if Cassie had help that means it another wolf that helpe her. There’s several smaller packs around. We will run and check each of them. As wolves. Carefully.”
“What about your need or hot food?” I asked.
“That can wait a few more days. This is more important,” he took a step forward.
“Thank you for doing this for my family Ian.” I began to say.
He glanced at me for a few seconds. “I’m not doing this just for your family my friend. I’m doing it for my mate and child as well.”
He shifted and took off at a jog. Leaving me staring after him with my mouth open?
His mate and child?
What?
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