Chapter 195
Julian
Her reaction to Cathy had taken me by surprise but by the time we walked into the palace she had regained some control over herself. All the way through the tour and our family dinner she had been quiet and brooding but with a small smile on her face.
It was only after the twins had gone to bed and Cathy had retired for the night that the smile had fallen away.
Sitting stiffly on the sofa opposite me, she picked at the skin around her nails and I just watched her. It was hard to think of something to say to her when we had been apart for so long.
I didn’t really know her.
She didn’t know me either. We had been married over five years and had never had a chance.
I did know one thing though and that was that she was mine. Completely and utterly.
“Are you tired?” I muttered. Cassie didn’t look away from the fire but the picking at her fingers stopped.
“A little.” She said softly and I could smell the lie on her instantly. She wasn’t tired at all. Maybe a little worn out but not sleepy. She was going to use it as an excuse to go to bed so she didn’t have to talk to me.
“Then let’s go up.”
She opened her mouth to say something but I didn’t let her. Moving across the room , I swept her up into my arms. Cassie gave a little cry and her arms went around my neck.
I grinned down at her. I loved that little noise she had just made and the feel of her hands on me.
“What are you doing?” She squeaked. Her eyes locked on to my face and the question was clear on it.
“I am taking you upstairs. I didn’t do the whole carrying you over the threshold when we were married and you kind of ruined my plans to do it today so-“
“I can walk up the stairs Julian. My therapist said-“
“I know what your therapists say Cassie and I know you are strong enough but I want to carry you. Will you let me?”
For a second she looked up at me and then her lashes fluttered and she let her head drop to my chest. “Thank you.”
I didn’t know why she was thanking me but I wasn’t about to ask and ruin the moment.
Cassie had always been a slender girl but she had lost a lot of weight in her coma and now she weighed nothing at all.
The trip from the family room to our bedroom took no time at all and before I knew it I was sitting on the edge of the giant four poster bed.
“I can-“ she began to try and untangle herself from me.
“Please let me hold you for a few minutes Cassie.” I tightened my arms around her.
For a second she hesitated and then she relaxed again. “Who’s room is this?”
“Mine.” I said and then quickly amended. “Ours now. We will have to get you some things.”
“What happened to my other things?”
“They are in storage.”
Again she stiffened.
“I know what you are thinking. That I just put our life into containers and stored it.” Using my thumb I tilted her face up to mine. I wanted to look into her eyes and see what she was thinking and more than that I wanted her to see what I was saying was genuine.
“That I tried to hide memories of you but that’s just not true. When you got wheeled into that hospital and I was told.” I shuddered at the memory. That had been one of the worst days of my life. The moment I had realised what and who she was to me.
“I was told to prepare for the worst , I was beside myself. I looked at you and I realised what a fool I was and how much I loved and needed you. I was so scared and so angry with you.” Reaching down I smoothed my hand down the soft skin of her face. “I was so crazed that I had to be sedated. When I woke up you had come out of surgery but you hadn’t woken up. They told me you might not ever wake up and that you were pregnant.” My voice shook. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked raggedly.
She hid her face in my chest. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was as rough with emotion as mine was. “I know I should have told you they were yours but you were so quick to think the worst of me.”
“I know. I was a class A jerk but that day changed everything for me. I made a vow to you, to always look after you and love you. You are my-“
Something changed in her eyes and my voice trailed off. Slowly I lowered my face to hers, giving her plenty of time to pull away before my lips found hers tentatively.
Cassie didn’t pull away, her lips opened slightly under line, her arms stayed around my neck.
Kissing her felt so natural and I lost myself in the feel of her soft lips on mine. It had been too long since we had been together like this.
Far too long.
I ached for her.
Cupping the back of her head , I deepened the kiss. Sweeping my tongue into her mouth and she moaned happily.
Shifting our positions I laid her on the middle of the bed, keeping my lips on her and my weight from crushing her frail form.
“Julian-“ she tore her lips away from mine to throw her head back and moan again.
“It’s ok Cassie.” I murmured into the skin of her throat as I began to kiss down her sweet smelling skin. “We can go slow.”
I didn’t want to go slow, I wanted to take her rough and hard. I wanted to make her scream my name and claw her nails down my back in ecstasy but I knew I shouldn’t. Back in the past , we had always come together hard and brutally and I didn’t want to start this new chapter in our lives like that.
Things had to be different now.
“I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you. If it wasn’t for Megan-“ the moment the name left my lips I knew I had said the wrong thing. Cassie's body instantly went stiff.
“Cassie.”
She rolled away from me, coming to a stop at the other side of the bed. Where she sat with her back to me.
“Cassie I didn’t mean.” I reached for her, my fingers brushing against her spine and instantly she was on her feet.
“I’m sorry I’m feeling really tired.” Looking at her feet, she wrapped her arms around her body. “Could you show me to my room?”
My eyebrows shot up. “This is our bedroom Cassie. Ours.” I stressed the word. “We don’t have seperate bedrooms or lives anymore.”
She didn’t say a word, she just looked down at her feet and refused to look at me. It broke my heart that she wouldn’t look at me.
“Fine.” Rolling on to my own feet I felt my shoulders sag in defeat. “You take the bedroom tonight Cassie and I’ll make up one of the guest rooms. But we need to work on this insecurity.”
I expected her to agree with me but instead she said two words in a completely cold and emotionless way. “Thank you.”
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