Chapter 160
Cassie
“Wake up baby.” Julian’s voice whispered through my dream and I could feel his hand on my hair even when I was fast asleep, soothing me out of the nightmare.
I blinked my eyes open. The room around me was pitch black. I must have fallen asleep and stayed that way all day. Shifting my weight I rolled over and there he was next to me.
Only he was fast asleep.
I frowned. Had I imagined him talking to me as well? Or was it just a really clear part of my dream? I could have sworn that his hand on my hair was what had woken me up but it couldn’t have been because he was snoring softly.
“Please wake up.” His voice seemed to whisper in my ear and it was his voice even though I was watching his face and his lips didn’t move at all. Julian was fast asleep.
Rubbing my hands over my face I stifled back a cry. Maybe they were right and I was nuts because I had heard him. Just as clearly as I had heard the babies. Only he hadn’t said a word and I knew it. It was all in my head.
When I finally let my hands fall away from my face I found him staring at me. The small lines around his eyes deepened as he frowned with concern.
“Are you ok Cassie?” He asked softly and this time I knew it was him talking because I could see his lips move. He reached up, to brush my hair behind my ears. “You’re drenched in sweat.”
Tentatively I reached up and touched my forehead and he was right. I was. I closed my eyes.
“You’re awake now.” He gathered me close and for a second I closed my eyes and just listened to the sound of his heart beating against my cheek.
“You’re awake and safe. Was it another nightmare?” Julian asked softly and I nodded my head against his chest mutely.
“The same one?” He asked quietly. “With the boys? You know they are safe don’t you? That they are alive and protected with your fathers people. As soon as this whole mess is sorted you will be back with them. And I promise it won’t be long.”
“Not long? What before the war is over or before you let me out of the mental hospital?” I ground out between my gritted teeth and felt him jolt. “But no I wasn’t dreaming of the boys.” I added quickly because I didn’t want to argue. “It was a dream of you.”
He shifted his weight so he could lift himself above me. “Me?” He asked, confused. “What did I do?”
Sighing, I settled back on the pillows. “It wasn’t a nightmare.” I finally said. “Just a dream but I felt half awake. You were calling my name and asking me to come back to you.” Staring up at his trouble face I leant into his hand as he smoothed my hair back.
“You were doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“Smoothing my hair back.” I said and his hand stilled.
“What?”
I gave a small shrug. “We were just doing this. Talking. Well you were talking and touching my hair.” I frowned. It had all been so clear in my head when I first opened my eyes but now I couldn’t quite grasp the details from my memory. They were all fuzzy.
“You told me to wake up.” I said simply because it was one of the only points I remembered.
“And you woke up?” His eyebrows arched.
Nodding I fell silent , idly chewing on my lip. My eyes travelled around the room. To the window. I wanted so desperately to get up and open it. So I could feel the cold night air against my face. It would help clear my thoughts but I was just too afraid. What if I did and I heard them again? My babies?
Julian would have me shipped off to a padded cell before I could blink.
“You just imagined me getting you out of your nightmare Cassie.” Settling himself back down he caught me around the waist and settled me back against him. “Even in your dreams I won’t let anything get you. Not even your own mind.” He chuckled. “Do you think you can get back to sleep? Or should we get up.”
“Sleep.” I said instantly. “I feel like I could sleep for a week.” I lied.
It was amazing to me how easily I lied to him. I knew sleep wouldn’t let me fall into her warm embrace again tonight. I might not ever sleep again because when I did I heard them.
“Are you sure?” Julian asked quietly but his eyes were already closed. “We can go downstairs and talk.”
“No. Sleepy.” I faked a yawn.
It took him exactly three minutes to fall back asleep. Three minutes for him to forget. But I wouldn’t be able to forget. And there was no way I would risk trying to force myself into a snooze just in case I heard them again.
“Wake up baby, please the boys need you.”
I didn’t need to look at him to know he hadn’t said it. And this time I knew I wasn’t having a dream. Unless this was all a dream.
But Julians voice was right there in the room with me. Whispering soothingly in my ear.
Sighing quietly I rolled from the bed and scrambled to find my robe. Tying it tightly around my waist I crept silently from the bedroom where my mate lay.
Pausing for a few seconds at the closed door of the boys nursery I took several long shaky breaths. I wanted to go in there and wrap my shivering body in the blankets that still smelt like their skin but if I did that I knew I would lose it.
Wrapping my arms around myself I headed down the stairs as quietly as I could go and headed towards the kitchen.
If this nightmare was ever going to end then I needed to stay away.
And to do that I needed coffee.
Lots and lots of coffee.
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