Chapter 217
Cassie
Days went by, and then weeks and he didn’t mention me loving him again and I was glad and kind of sad about it because it just went to prove what I already knew.
He didn’t love me.
We tried to act like a normal couple for the children and for the rest of the world and the wolves in our kingdom called me a saint for forgiving him. His popularity plummeted and mine soared. It should have made me happy but it didn’t.
There was something absolutely exhausting about living and loving a man who would never love me back.
“You look tired?”
Across the long expanse of the dining table , I lifted my head and stared at him. He was so far away and yet so close at the same time. The distance between us had nothing to do with the length of the table.
I shrugged, slicing into the thick delicious meat on my plate and popping a piece into my mouth. I chewed slowly before I answered him. “It was a long shift.”
His silverware clattered to his plate with a grating clang. “You know you don’t have to work right?”
“I want to work.” I added quietly. “With the boys in school it keeps my mind and hands busy.” I went back to eating. I didn’t know why he had demanded that I dine with him today but it was clear now that he just wanted to annoy me. Maybe even start an argument.
“You are pushing yourself too soon Cassie. It’s not becoming of a queen to be seen -“
I stood up suddenly, my chair scraping back. “I am doing good work and I am learning a lot. If you are trying to say that I shouldn’t work and should just be your wife.” I air quoted and my eyes flashed angrily. “Then maybe you should start acting like I am your wife, Julian.” Even as I said the words, my hands curled around the scalloped edge of the table so tightly my knuckles went white.
Leaning back in his chair , he studied me with a wild fed up kind of boredom and then he sat forward and began eating again.
I stared at him for a moment. “Well?” I snapped when the silence became too much.
Maybe I was the one looking for an argument.
“I am not fighting with you Cassie.” He said with a sigh. “I spend my days trying not to argue with you-“
“You don’t speak to me at all.”
“Because anything I say, you twist.” Again his knife and fork clattered. “Do you think I like living like this?”
I opened my mouth to tell him to leave then. That this could all be better if he just let me be free but I didn’t have the chance because he spoke again.
“This is killing me. Having you right here and yet so fucking far away. I love you Cassie and whether you want to hear it or not doesn’t matter. That is the truth. I love you and I am worried about how hard you are pushing yourself. You are so tired-“
I sat down heavily.
I was tired. There was no denying that.
“I don’t want you to stop working if it gives you so much joy and fulfilment because we all need that.”
I stared at him. And realised with a start that he looked tired. I just hadn’t noticed before. “Do you have something that brings you joy and fulfilment, Julian?” I asked before I could stop myself.
His eyes shot up from his plate and smashed into mine. I couldn’t bear to look into them. They were too intense.
“Yes.” He said in a soft whisper. “But holding on to it is exhausting.”
I swallowed hard. He was talking about me.
I looked away.
“Then maybe you should let it go.” I withered and he shook his head but didn’t say anything.
“I would like you to join me tomorrow for a dinner.” He said suddenly. “And then I think we will go away as a family for a few days. I think we both need to regroup.”
“That’s fine. What kind of dinner is it tomorrow? Formal of -“ a wicked smile curved my lips. “Will you be choosing me a dress, your mistress has already worn or can I wear something I own?”
For several long heart beats Julian just stared at me without blinking. “Your words are meant to hurt me Cassie and I understand but I have never dressed you in another woman’s cast offs.” He shrugged. “Wear whatever you want.”
“Well if you tell me what the dinner is in honour for then I can-“
“It’s to honour our marriage.” He said softly. “Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.”
The air left my lungs in a whoosh. Closing my eyes I tried to figure out the dates and came back blank. It was such a non day. The one that had changed my life in all ways but at the same time not memorable at all.
Apart from the moment in my office. In the dark with a man who was running from his life and hiding. A man I had known was my mate. A man who I had given myself to without a second's hesitation.
I had thought that man was my salvation.
And yet here he was sitting across the table from me. My husband , my mate. And I kind of hated him.
If only things could have been different.
There were so many if only’s that I would drive myself crazy thinking about them all.
This was the only reality that mattered because it was the one I was living.
“So a formal dinner to celebrate our wedding.” I nodded. “I will be able to find something suitable. How big is the guest list? Will Megan be there?” I took another bite and tried to act casual. “Will you or Ian pick me up. I am working until the afternoon and -“
Julian’s eyes flashed. “I will pick you up for the hospital myself and as for Megan?” His eyes locked on mine. “Why would she be at our wedding anniversary,Cassie? Where the guest list is just two.”
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