Chapter 140
Cassie
They left, the sounds of their feet fading as they walked through the forest towards Scarlett. I had a pang of worry whether they would be welcomed down there but I knew it was for nothing and then the silence of the house wrapped around me and I wished I could call them back.
I suddenly didn't want to be alone with Julian. I didn’t know what to say to him. I had no clue how we could move forward. Things were different now that we weren’t fighting for our lives.
Taking a deep breath, I walked back into the kitchen and stopped dead in the doorway. Julian was there, no longer naked because he had draped some kind of throw around his slender hips. I sent up a silent thanks to the goddess for that. We would need to talk and if he was naked it wouldn’t be talking we would be doing.
He was standing with his back to me. Staring down at the twins and his shoulders shook like he was crying.
“Julian.” I didn’t know what else to say.
He turned and the tears running down his face took all the breath from my body. “Goddess they are perfect. I’ve never felt so much love for them or for you. I would die for them.”
My eyes moved over his wet cheeks and I wished he was naked again. Naked and lust filled was easier to deal with then this- perfection.
He was acting exactly how I wished he would act. A man completely in love with being a dad. A man-
“Come here.” He offered me up his hand and reluctantly I took it. Letting him pull me into the circle of his arms. “We made something so perfect, Cassie.” He whispered against my hair. “You have to realise that your father just twisted my words.”
I tore myself out of my grasp. “Stop Julian.” I walked away towards the living room. “We need to talk properly.” I said when I heard him follow me. “I just don’t know what to say.”
“Why?” Sliding his hands around my waist he shuffled us towards the sofa and pushed me into it. “We are one Cassie. It has always been you for me , and me for you.”
Crossing my arms around me I refused to look at him. “Except it wasn’t Julian. And I’m not blaming you. Not really.” I held up a hand to silence him when he opened his mouth to speak. “I didn’t want to marry you either. I broke those vows.”
“We broke them together.” He pointed out.
“The fact is we didn’t know that at the time. And with everything that has happened with Megan.” I gave a small shrug. “I just don’t know what future we have together. I don’t know if I can ever trust you. Even now.” I forced myself to stare into his eyes. “I don’t know you. I don’t know how to speak and I feel I can’t be myself.”
“Of course you can. I fucked up but-“
“Yes you did and I don’t know what we can do to fix it.”
He stared down at me with his mouth open and happy tears still wet on his face. He wasn’t happy anymore. “You saved me.” He muttered. “You risked your life -“
“You are my king, my husband and my mate. I have never wanted you dead. I just don’t know if I can ever forgive you. I don’t know if I can ever really trust you.”
Julian made a choked sound in the back of his throat and fell to his knees. His hands slid up my denim clad thighs and he dropped his face to lean his cheek against them.
“Don’t say that Cassie.” There were tears in his voice again. “Don’t say you have given up on me when we are finally together again. I’ll be better. I’ll -“ he sobbed and I hated the sound of it. It ripped into me , as sharp as any blade and it cut even deeper. “Please don’t leave me. I need you.”
Guilt ripped through me. Lifting his face I wiped away his tears with my thumb. “I’m not going to leave you, Julian. I won’t leave you to fight this war on your own. For better or worse we are in this together.”
Relief flooded his face. “Thank you , thank you. I will make everything up to you, you just wait and see.”
Smiling a little sadly I reached down and pressed my lips to his. It was meant to be a tender kiss. One to wipe away his sadness but the moment our skin met the mate bond made itself known. A need so intense that I had never felt anything like it took over my body.
He growled , his voice thick as his hand came down and gripped my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa. Instantly I wrapped my legs around him.
It was going to happen again. The thing that I had promised myself would never happen until things were sorted between us but I just couldn’t seem to help myself when it came to him. It didn’t matter how wrong it was.
“I’m burning for you Cassie.” Julian nipped against my bottom lip. “But I don’t want to hurt you or- you’ve just had .”
I silenced him by kissing him again. “I’m healed. Just go slow at first.”
“I’ll be gentle. I’ll worship you and take no pleasure for myself.”
A wail went up from the kitchen and we both froze. “Well damn.” Chuckling he leant his forehead against mine and after a few seconds I laughed along with him. “I’m guessing I have to get used to that now we have children hey?” Still laughing he jumped to his feet and pulled me up to mine. “I’ve never even held them but can I help you with them today? Can you teach me?”
“Yeah. Yes of course.”
“Thank you.” His voice broke again. “And I promise you Cassie. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe. Whatever it takes. You have my word.”
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