Chapter 202
Cassie
Cathy was already in the kitchen when I arrived. Without saying a word I pulled up a chair and sat down.
“You keep coming in here Cassie.” She admonished with a smile, handing me a steaming mug of coffee. “You should take breakfast in the family dining room. You don’t need to come in here and eat with the staff.”
Ignoring her I took a sip of the steaming black liquid. She’d told me this before but I just couldn’t get used to eating in that room. It was too formal.
“I don’t like people serving me when I’m more than capable of doing my own breakfast.” I said with a sigh. “Plus sometimes I feel like one of the staff anyway.”
Cathy paused. “What do you mean?”
I gave her a small shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I feel like I am his wife but not the woman he really wants to be with. His grandfather was the one who made the match. Neither one of us wanted it but now we are stuck together.”
Slowly Cathy turned off the stove and came to sit opposite me. Taking me hands in hers, she turned them over.
It was still weird to me that she was alive. More than anything that had changed that was the one I struggled with the most.
“You are his queen, Cassie. The mother of his heirs. And in time when you have learnt to be together properly you will have more children and have a beautiful happy family.”
A sigh blew from my lips. “That’s exactly my point. That’s my job. I am his wife and the mother of his children. I am a broodmare.”
Her eyes widened. “Julian loves you Cassie. The accident caused everything to change with him. He’s in love with you and now he has you back he will do what is needed to make you love him back.”
I frowned. That was the problem, I did love him. I just wasn’t sure that was enough.
“Then why won’t he touch me?” The words ripped themselves out of my mouth and I saw Cathy recoil.
“I-“
I locked eyes with her. “He hasn’t touched me since I woke up. Every time something starts he pulls away and leaves.” My chest heaved. I didn’t know why I was talking to her like this , only that it felt good to get it off my chest. “This morning I found Megan in his room. He was in a state of undress-“ trailing off I closed my eyes.
“She’s his doctor.”
My eyes snapped open. I was fed up with that excuse. Like people thought I was stupid enough to believe it.
“Is he going to her when he leaves this house?” I asked. It wasn’t fair to ask her and I knew it. But I also knew that the staff knew everything that happened in this house.
“Cassie.” Her hand closed around mine. “He loves you.”
“Is he?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
Searching her face I let out a sigh. She wasn’t lying. I would have been able to smell the lie on her.
“How close were they when I was in the coma?”
Her face closed down.
“I see.” Pain rippled through me. I had known it and hadn’t allowed myself to believe it. I’d been asleep for four years. Did I actually expect Julian to respect his vows to me in that time when he hadn’t even when we had first been married? Of course he hadn’t. But to keep Megan as a lover? That was a blow that I didn’t know if I could get over.
“Not like that.” Cathy squeezed my fingers. “They weren’t a couple. She helped save the kingdom and they became friends. That is all. Just friends.” Her eyes danced away. “He wouldn’t risk his marriage to you by cheating on you Cassie. And if he did , he knows he would lose half of his staff. Me included.” She said firmly. “If I found out he has strayed from you and you left, then I would come with you. I saw how he treated you in the beginning and how unhappy you were ,and I won’t watch that again.”
I stared at her. She meant every word. “Thank you Cathy.” Reaching out I hugged her. “I feel like you are my only friend here.”
“Hush now silly girl.” Looking uncomfortable she untangled herself and stood up. “And shoo, go and get yourself dressed. I’ll have someone bring breakfast up for you. And-“ she paused. “Talk to Julian. Tell him how you are feeling. We have you back, the boys have you back. None of us want to lose you again. But-“ she levelled her eyes on me. “You need to stop acting like staff and start acting like the queen you are. A woman like Megan,” she sneered. “Has nothing on you. You want her out of your life for good then prove to her that you are in charge. Show her , her place in the world.” Her eyes met mine. “And that is below you, Cassie. Never forget that you are a million times the woman she is.”
She shooed me out of the room and I wandered away with my coffee still in my hands. It was still early so not even the twins were awake yet.
A sane person would go back to bed, have a spot of breakfast and just relax. I was a queen after all. Only I was so much more than that.
I’d taken two steps into my bedroom and closed the door when I noticed Julian standing by the window. Still in nothing but his pj bottoms.
“You think I don’t want you.” He said with his back to me.
I paled. “You listened in to my private conversation?”
He shrugged. “Not all of it but I heard enough.” Slowly he turned. There was pain in his eyes but also something else.
A need so fierce that it burnt.
Rushing across the room, he caught me up. His hand sliding under my long dark hair he pulled me towards him. “You.” He kissed me. “Are my entire life Cassie. And it’s time you believed it.”
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