Chapter 104: Sharing The Blame
Mom drove home. I almost didn't give her the keys. But even worried about my sister to the point of distraction, my mother was a better driver than me.
We were all quiet on the way, piling out of the car in silence. Gram followed Mom into the house, presumably to her room. It wasn't often my grandmother went willingly into her four-poster prison.
I carried Sassy inside and set him down on a kitchen chair. I needed something normal to do. The drive to be ordinary was very strong right then.
"Hungry?" I went for his bowl, measured out an extra large portion of his favorite wet food, set it in front of him. But Sassy just turned away from it, ears hanging low, whiskers almost touching in the front. His pushed in little nose nearly brushed the chair as his tail sagged off the side.
I crouched next to him and offered him a pet. "It's not your fault. Sassy, it's not."
If a cat could cry, Sassy was doing it. "You can say it all you want." His voice hung in the air, thick with emotion. "I let the family down. I let Meira down. If I had just told Miriam about the nightmares..."
"Me too, remember?" I sat on the floor, wincing as the action re-opened the cut on my leg. I had to see to that. In a minute. I propped one arm on the seat of the chair, resting my chin on it. The scent of cat food was pretty strong from my position, but Sassy needed me close. "I was so wrapped up in my own stuff I forgot completely."
He shuddered, silver fur almost dull in his despair. "It was my job to take care of her."
"It was all of our jobs," I said. "Sassy, stop."
He wouldn't listen. I sighed and sat back as he slunk from the seat and disappeared down the hall into the dark.
My demon stirred in sympathy.
He's not the failure he thinks he is, she said.
I know that. Wait, was she talking about Meira?
There is another failure there, she said. I'm surprised you missed it. Something to do with the fat demon.
His father. Of course. What had Sassy done to be punished like this? He obviously cared about us. Was that a bad thing in a demon boy?
We have to find Meira. I was a little startled she brought it up.
I know. But how? The vampires won't tell us anything.
Our demons are linked. That was true. I had a surge of hope.
Can you find her?
My demon grunted softly. I've been trying. But I think she is being warded.
There went that idea.
I was so tired of fighting with her. We need to have a truce or something. Until Meira is safe. Are you okay with that?
She grumbled and growled but finally spoke up. Yes.
Phew.
But the moment this issue with your sister is resolved, we need to do the same for ourselves.
She was right. And I was okay with that.
Fair enough.
It felt good not to be at war with myself anymore.
I left Sassy there, finally dipping into his dinner, and limped upstairs.
Mom spent Saturday and Sunday ignoring us, in and out, mostly out, with the rest of the coven.
When I volunteered to help she turned on me like I'd suggested she kill me herself.
"Absolutely not," she snapped, "under no circumstances are you to even consider looking for your sister, Sydlynn Thaddea Hayle."
When Mom used my full name I knew she meant business.
"I want you to say out of this," she said. "No matter what. I couldn't bear..." she turned away again, her voice full of emotion. "Just let me handle it, please. I can't do that if I don't know you're here and safe."
So frustrating. And the thing is, she didn't make it an official coven order. Which meant it was just a Mom order. I could ignore it if I wanted to without being kicked out of the coven for betraying my leader.
Part of me wanted to rebel, but the rest of me chose to do as she asked. My demon wasn't very happy with me, but a simple reminder of our truce was enough to make her quiet. Especially since she was also witness to Mom's overwhelming emotion.
Saturday went slowly by in a haze of TV watching and massive junk food consumption. I was up and down so many times to listen in when family members arrived and left I barely remember watching anything.
That night, when Mom came home, I cornered her.
"The vampires?" I was like a junkie in need of a fix, jiggling up and down, nervously chewing a hangnail while I pinned her for answers.
Mom just scowled and shook her head. "I told you to stay out of it."
She really expected me to do that? I followed her when she dodged me and headed for the basement.
"Are Uncle Frank and Sunny coming over?" Someone had to talk to me.
My only answer was the slamming of the door in my face. Fine. I slumped to my room where Sassy lay curled into a miserable ball.
"Any news?" He barely lifted his head. I stroked his ears and wished I had more to tell him.
"Mom's working on it." My attempt at brightening my voice failed utterly.
Sassy whimpered and covered his face with his tail. "Poor Meira," he said.
There wasn't much I could say to that. And as much as I wished I could do something to make him feel better, I was all out of ideas. Kind of hard to cheer up someone else when you're feeling like crap yourself.
Sunday was a horrible repeat of Saturday. By the time the sun set I knew I was about to break out into one massive zit from all the chocolate and crap I ate, but I just couldn't help myself.
My final attempt to wrangle anything out of Mom ended in her leaving during a shouting match that pretty much boiled down to,
Mom: "Mind your own business!"
Me: "It's not fair!"
Constructive. I did finally notice I had an odor and dragged my dirtiness up to the shower. The water and soap helped a little, but I still felt wrung out from all the emotion floating around the house.
I heard Mom's car and the doors slam. I went downstairs and into the kitchen on the hunt for more chips, hoping I hadn't cleaned out my stash. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Gram sitting at the table. How did she escape her room? When I spotted Erica struggling her way into the house with a load of groceries, I rushed forward to help.
"Thanks, Syd," she said, tossing back her shining hair. She was growing it out and it was just long enough to fall past her shoulders. Her cute yoga outfit was perfect, as usual, but she looked tired.
"Gram?" I carried the bags to the counter.
"I'm taking care of her for your mother." Great. So I wasn't even good enough for that job.
I mentally slapped myself before my demon could do it. This wasn't about me.
"Erica, what's going on?" I started putting the groceries away. "Do we know anything?"
She sighed and took the milk from me, sliding it into the fridge door before swinging it shut with a thud. "No," she said. "Nothing. Anastasia won't talk to Miriam. And no sign of Sebastian. It's horrible, Syd." Her eyes met mine. "There's nothing any of us can do and it's killing your mother."
I stopped what I was doing and leaned against the counter. "What about Dad?"
"Tried that," Erica said. "We've tried everything." She must have realized what she said because she instantly perked. "But it's okay," she said quickly. "We'll find her, I know it."
She had the good grace to look embarrassed. Then, she laughed for real. It was the first genuine laugh I'd heard from her in a long time and it made me feel better.
"I keep forgetting you're not a little girl anymore," she said. "I keep trying to shelter you, protect you like I did when you were small. But you're seventeen. And way smarter than I give you credit for."
Erica practically raised me along side my mom so what she was saying made sense. It was nice to see her understanding it at last. I liked genuine Erica much better.
On impulse, I leaned forward and hugged her. She hugged me back immediately.
"It's going to be okay, Syd," she whispered.
"I know," I whispered back.
We smiled at each other.
"Hungry!" Gram smacked both palms against the kitchen table. She must have put power behind it because the whole house shook.
It startled us so much we both broke into giggles. Gram spun on us, her scowl turning into an impish grin. She pointed at us and snickered. We pointed and snickered back.
It would have been nice to hold on to that feeling. But the door swung open and Mom came in and her powerful worry knocked the happy right out of us.
Erica left shortly after feeding Gram and putting her back in her room. I hung around, tried to make Mom eat. She was in and out of mental communication with the coven and refused to stop. When I pushed her, she finally snapped.
"Just go to your room," she said.
I didn't want to over react. I knew what she was going through. But I'd been through a lot too and her anger with me was just too much. Especially since it triggered my guilt. Wasn't that what I said to Meira just before she disappeared?
"Make me."
Oh dear. I thought I'd broken the baiting habit. Mom spun on me. "Sydlynn. I said go to your room. I don't have time for your childishness right now."
"Maybe you should go to yours," I shot back. "I'm not the one being childish."
Her face turned very red, finally focusing on me completely. "This isn't a game."
"No," I said, "it's not. My sister is missing and you won't let me help. Or take care of yourself so you can find her. Which is forcing me to take care of you. Only you won't let me. So who's being childish?"
The color drained from her face. She paused a moment, looked down, then back up at me. "Syd..."
She didn't finish. We both felt the touch of Sunny's mind, the gentle but urgent summons to the back yard.
I didn't care what Mom wanted. When she reached the back door, I was right beside her.
***
