Chapter 417: Quaid
The screen door slammed behind me, bare feet instantly chilled by the damp patio stones.
Didn't matter. Could have been the dead of winter and I wouldn't have cared.
"Quaid." I forced myself to a halt, refrained from throwing myself into his arms, covering his shadowed face in kisses, letting his power wrap around me like a blanket and stir things inside me. He still had that effect on me? Damn it. I thought I'd gotten better at cutting off my feelings for him.
Had lots of practice at school where we did our best to ignore each other and go on with our lives as if we didn't feel anything.
"Syd." He held himself rigid, body tall and still inside his black Enforcer's robe, a thin band of blue at the cuffs marking him as a trainee. Did he feel what I felt?
Did I care?
"Nice to see you." I'd seen him, of course I had. We attended the same school, after all. But we both avoided each other, for the most part. He had his life, I had mine. There were moments over the course of the year I'd wanted to reach out to him, when I thought he'd been ready to do so himself, but either we had the worst timing on the planet or I imagined his need to reconnect.
I pulled my heart and my demon, who begged me to grab him and kiss him until he begged for more, under control. He'd made his choice back in the fall, abandoned me when I thought we would always be together, and I wasn't about to be an idiot and fall into that old trap again.
Wasn't.
"You too." He paused, one hand reaching out a little before it fell to his side. "You look great."
"So do you." What I could see of him. Maybe it was a good thing he wore the robe. That way I didn't have to watch his wide shoulders pull against his t-shirt, the way his thighs filled out his jeans. For all I knew he'd gotten fat and was hiding it.
Sigh. Yeah right.
As long as he kept his distance, I could handle it.
"I wanted to bring you this." He did hold out his hand this time, a small box with a silver bow on top shining in the outside light. "And for Meira." His other hand held a bag. "Happy birthday."
A month late. Still.
"Thanks," I said. I couldn't bring myself to move. Tried to convince myself I was aloof, cool, collected. Held very stiff as he approached, offering the gifts to me. By the time he stopped, it was worse case scenario. I smelled him, felt the heat of his body and found myself shivering, hugging my arms around the thin tank top I'd worn to bed, aware at last of my cold feet as the struggle inside me intensified.
Even after he'd broken my heart, I still loved him. Needed him. Wanted him around. The magic tied to our supposed destiny was a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah, blame fate. I was such a sucker.
"Sorry," he said softly. "You must be freezing. Here." He swept off his robe, slid it around me. Took a step closer to drape it across my shoulders.
So close. Too close.
Oh, Syd.
It was my fault. Or was it his? I'm not sure who moved first or if we did it together, but the moment his robe touched me his hands were in my hair and my fingers clutched the front of his shirt and we were pulling each other in desperate need.
One touch of his lips and I was lost.
***
His brown eyes were black in the dim light of the moon shining through my bedroom window. I curled on my side, forehead almost pressed to his, the sheets pulled up to my chin, wanting to stroke the warm skin of his arm and shoulder, to trace the pattern of the pentagram tattoo he wore. But I held still, just breathing, my body relaxed and happy while my heart hurt.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, fingers stroking hair out of my face. "This was a bad idea. I never should have come to see you."
Even as he spoke, the pain inside me eased. I could feel it, the grief trapped in him, the agony of our separation. He did feel it, too. I wasn't the only one.
It was enough.
"You have to know I still love you, Syd." Quaid's face crumpled, as sad as I'd ever seen him. "It breaks my heart every time I see you, knowing we're not together."
I nodded, swallowed. "You have to follow your dreams, Quaid," I said, finally letting go of my need to make him do what I wanted. Maybe it was the fact I knew I could never have him now, not really, not knowing what I did about myself. Or maybe the fact he was so young and yet had so little time compared to me it broke the terrible hold blame, guilt and anger held over me. I reached for him, kissed his forehead, sighed against his skin, loving the hot scent of him, the way his power held onto me. "I'm glad you did."
He shook his head. "I'll quit right now." Quaid grasped my hands, kissed them, kissed my mouth. So much desperation, confusion. He was still conflicted. How could I let him choose me when I knew he'd regret it?
"There's something you need to know." We'd been in touch over Christmas, but my offer for him to spend the holidays with us had been rejected. Now I knew why. Every time Quaid saw me he doubted his choice. It wasn't fair to either of us. But now I had a way to ease his conscience.
And, maybe, mine.
I told him everything, about the trip to Demonicon, fighting for status, Dad's ascension. And about my immortality. Quaid didn't say anything as I spoke, but he did pull me into his arms, bare chest against my naked skin, arms holding me close as he breathed softly over my cheek, fingers sliding through my hair over and over again.
When I finished, I cried, not for me, not really, but because I needed to cry. For us. For what it meant, no matter the choice he'd made.
Not wracking sobs, though. Just soft tears wept into the arms of the man I loved while he held me and loved me with all his heart.
I pulled away a little at last and smiled up at him while one of his wide thumbs wiped moisture from my cheek. "Good thing we're not together," I said, "I'd hate to have to dump you."
Quaid didn't laugh. It was a terrible joke anyway.
"I'm just happy to have you in my life," I said, meaning it, knowing this was enough. "I can't promise you anything and you can't either." He nodded. "So maybe we have this and that's all. Are you okay with that?"
Quaid sighed, deep and long, his chest collapsing as he exhaled. When he finally took a breath, he nodded, though there were tears in his eyes. "I'll take it," he said.
"Now," I snuggled closer, "tell me about your training."
His body relaxed. Was that all it took, for me to accept him and the choice he made for this mess to heal between us? Maybe, maybe not. But for the moment, I was happy to think so.
Quaid's voice rumbled softly in the dark of my room as he told me with growing enthusiasm just how much he loved being an Enforcer trainee. From learning offensive magics and counter-intelligence spells to the camaraderie of the corps, by the time he wound down, voice sleepy, my own eyes falling slowly shut, he actually sounded happy.
Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up, but I needed to know. "And your friend?" Funny, no twinge of jealousy at the thought or mention of the blonde with the rack. Wow, I really was growing up. Either that or being in his arms diffused it enough I didn't feel it.
Quaid didn't tense, didn't react, really. Just sighed. "It's been over for a long time," he said. Was that regret? "I kept comparing her to you. Drove Payten crazy."
I choked on a laugh, but held it in even as jealousy-yes, I was jealous of her even though they weren't together anymore, go figure-popped up and said hello. "Poor her."
Oh, Syd. Bad girl.
Snort.
"I just want to love you," he said.
"Me too." Made sense to me.
"I'm sorry about your dad," he whispered.
Not going there. So I dragged the subject back.
"Besides," I said, "we're young, right? Well, I'll be young for a long time." He laughed at last. "No rush. Just the two of us when we can manage it."
Quaid's arms hugged me. "I really do love you, Syd."
When I woke a few hours later and he was gone, I smiled into the darkness, hugging the pillow he'd laid his head on. Not with some silly girl dreams of my prince charming and riding off with him on his white horse. But at the thought of just enjoying Quaid when we were together.
What a novelty. No pressure, no requirements. Just fun. And he was very, very fun to be around. My demon chuckled wickedly while Shaylee flushed and giggled. Only my vampire core remained quiet. As usual.
Stick in the mud.
I rolled over onto my back and stretched, settling into a comfy position, hand brushing over the small box with the silver bow. There was no hurry. And no future. Just the understanding that not everything in my life had to weigh a ton and a half or make me feel like I'd done something wrong.
Twinge. Liam's handsome face prodded me with some guilt. He still insisted he loved me, immortal or not. But I'd never once made him any promises. In fact, I told him we couldn't be together now that I knew I'd outlive him by quite probably millennia.
No more guilt. I pulled free the shining ribbon, lifted the lid and peered inside at the pair of pentagram earrings nestled in black velvet. Smiled. Slid them into my ears, fingers rubbing them into place flat against my skin. They were perfect. Or about as perfect as any gift was going to get.
With that, sleep won again.
***
I'm in the veil, but it's different somehow. Incomplete. No, I'm not in it. I'm creating it.
What the...
You must be careful. I turn toward the voice, see a shape floating next to me in the dark, glowing softly iridescent, all the colors of the rainbow and others for which I have no names.
Of what?
The sound and feel of the shape is feminine. She lifts her arm and points. I see them then, below and before me, two vast armies stretching out over an empty gray plane, facing each other. But they've not yet begun to fight. I recognize witches and vampires, Sidhe and demons, other creatures I've never laid eyes on, crowding one side. On the other side are humans, feeling empty and cold, though their power crackles around them like electric fire.
You must be ready. My companion's voice is very sad, makes tears rise in my eyes. The war is coming and you only have a little time left to prepare.
I reach for her, wanting to ask her more questions. War? What war? And who is she, who are they, why are we fighting. But she flickers, waves her hand, and I'm falling, faster and faster, my heart pounding, a shriek of terror escaping me as I flip slowly over and see I'm on Demonicon, plummeting from the side of the Seat mountain, and the ground is right there-
***
Charlotte was beside me when I jerked awake, eyes gushing tears, my chest on fire from my screams. She rarely touched me, but this time she held me close, rocking me gently as I got a freaking grip already.
"Nightmare?" Her wolf flashed in her eyes.
I shook my head. It was too real. "Something's coming," I said, trying not to sound too melodramatic.
Fail.
***
