Chapter 623: Light And Shadow
I stared at the dark canopy over my bed while my mind twisted and turned in so many directions I didn't think I'd ever put the jigsaw puzzle of my thoughts back together.
Trill and I went to the Sidhe Gate cavern after dinner to see Liam. She was able to pass through the wards at my side, Charlotte grumbling on my other, but when it came to the Gate, it was as Trill feared. While she could pass through, her power practically vanished as we stepped across the barrier and into the realm
"I can't function here," she said, turning to run one hand over the bubble between worlds, Liam watching from the other side. "And I doubt my brothers could, either. We simply don't have the right kind of power." Her eyes met mine, her face tiny and elfish on this side, reminding me more of a pixie than Sidhe. "And there's no way of knowing what kind of impact we would have. Possibly negative." She shuddered, hugging herself as a breeze rippled over us from the storm, a crack of lightning and a rumble of thunder seeming to agree with her. "Probably negative."
And even Liam kyboshed the idea of making Trill and her siblings Sidhe.
"I hate to admit it," he said, standing very close to me when we crossed back, the warmth of his body so near I wanted to hug him, "but Trill is right. The only way this will work is with another full maji." He led me, reluctant and irritated, to the archive after closing the Gate, Galleytrot panting as he walked beside me, fur warm and spring fragrant under my hand. Liam ushered me to a seat across from his big, elaborately carved desk and set a book in my lap. It weighed more than any book I'd ever held, pressing my legs down into the velvet cushion while Liam sat next to me, Trill leaning in to peek over my shoulder while Galleytrot stood facing me, eyes flickering with red light.
"I can't read it." Okay, so that came out petulant. I think I earned a little attitude, thanks. And it was true. Whatever language this book was written in, none of my alter egos recognized it.
Wait. I was wrong. I had seen it before. In the maji chamber.
"This is the language of the Creator," Liam said. As always, his voice took on a tone of excitement when he talked about one of his books, even though the message was grim. "It says what Trill's been saying all along. Balance is necessary. And that two maji, one of the shadow and one of the light, will stand against any disaster."
Except freeing Ameline would be a disaster. Of monumental proportions. So monumental, I'd probably have to run for my life after abandoning my family magic.
Hell on a pocket rocket.
I did what any sane-minded woman would do. I ignored them both and went home. Locked myself in my room and sat there for a long time, staring at my reflection in the mirror, begging someone, anyone to come along and tell me, well sheesh, Syd, we're sorry, but here's how you fix it. No Ameline necessary. Didn't mean to worry you like that.
I knew better than to delude myself. Still.
I just didn't think I could convince myself to act.
A peek out the window behind my heavy curtains showed me the Zornovs parked almost in the back yard again, out of sight of the street and tucked away, safe. I felt the Enforcers on my border, still patrolling the edges. The very touch of them drove my temper to spike all over again.
The need to lash out at them was so strong I had to shake myself. Get a grip, Syd. This wasn't their fault, or Mom's or anyone's, no really. Except the Brotherhood.
And the damned maji who abandoned us to this mess in the first place.
That was better. Aiming my fury at the maji and the Brotherhood made me feel like I had targets worthy of my rage. I took a long, hot shower, letting the sizzle of the water burn away at me, wash free my anger and leave me calm.
At least, that was the plan. So, why then was I lying here, an hour later, still fuming and thinking and tearing myself to pieces?
I missed Sassafras, knowing he was probably out looking around. He took his job of protecting the coven as seriously as Shenka did. Sucked. I could have used his steady purring to put me to sleep.
Finally, weariness caught up with me about midnight and I felt my eyelids sink, my breathing steady, though the spiraling thoughts in my mind didn't still.
***
I stand in gloom, an empty place, alone. But I know this place, have seen it in a different way, full of witches and demons, vampires and Sidhe, fighting the Brotherhood. The battleground stands vacant, silent, cold. I hug myself, jaw clenching as a bright light forms next to me and she emerges.
The maji Iepa looks the same, if sadder, her lovely face creased with grief, long golden hair hanging over one shoulder as she comes to stand beside me. Her crystal clear eyes, such a light shade of gray they are transparent, sweep over the dull landscape.
I know it. And not just from the battle.
I know it because I've been there.
This is the Enforcer plane. My stomach lurches, body tense as I spin, looking for the stronghold. But it's nowhere to be seen.
Iepa nods, sad. It is. She bows her head. There is so much to tell you, and yet so much I can't, not yet. She takes my hand in hers while I start to shake. And things aren't happening the way I intended.
Well, that's a shame. I thought I knew what anger was. Nope, not a freaking clue before this moment as I stand there, the maji woman clinging to my hand, telling me she can't give me what I need and that she's screwed up.
Sydlynn. Iepa's tears glow on her face, tiny rivers of iridescence. Please, you must pay attention. I hate hearing that phrase from her, Gram's favorite.
I am. I jerk free of her grip. You're the one whose mind is wandering. Consider. I begin ticking off points as Trill had earlier in the night, finding it satisfying for some reason. The Sidhe are under attack and I can't save them. My mother is being destroyed by the power of the Council and witches she's trying to protect. Another finger falls. Dark maji work with the Brotherhood to destroy everything. And you, you tell me I can't have answers. And that things aren't going the way you planned? A bitter laugh breaks from my chest, tearing at my heart. Just brilliant.
More tears from her, more grief. I'm trying, please believe me. She doesn't bother touching me again. It's taking time to convince the others. That we must act.
The others? The other maji? If they will step up they could handle the Brotherhood, Ameline, all of it. Hope rises, fraying around the edges. Where are they?
She shakes her head, golden hair fanning out around her. They will not listen. But I refuse to stop trying. Iepa shivers, looking out over the bleakness of the plane again. I swear to you, I will never stop.
So, no hope after all. I sag, anger draining from me, knowing I have to ask her if what I fear is true, but not wanting to give voice to it.
She saves me the trouble. You must free Ameline. Iepa nods once, firmly. While I understand your reluctance, if you are to save the Sidhe, she is your only hope.
Balance. I bite my bottom lip, soul shriveling at the thought of what I have to do, but finally knowing she's right.
Can I do it, even with the knowledge? Can I free Ameline?
I just don't know if I have it in me. Even for the safety of the Sidhe. Some things are just too big, too overwhelming to comprehend. Why this is so different, I don't know. Usually, I would simply do what needs to be done and deal with the consequences later.
Not this time.
You must help her develop her power. Iepa flinches from my flare of fury. I have to what? Teach her as you have learned. When the time comes, you must both be ready and you will need each other in the end.
Every single part of me rejects what she's saying. Fights her, fights my logical mind.
This can't be. Can't. I'll never believe it, never accept.
And yet, I must. For the sake of my plane and all the others. With one last burst of rage burning through me, I back away. No. I've managed before. Iepa is following some rules of her own. And I work outside the rules. I make my own when it suits me.
This time will be no different.
I leave her there, Iepa staring over the future of our desolation, of the war we have to win, coming back to myself with my resolve firmly in place.
Ameline stays where she is.
I'll find another way.
I opened my eyes, teeth gritted as I sat up.
Gasped as a pale, once beloved face flashed into being inches from my nose.
"Syd," Alison breathed, the musty air from her lungs real, tangible, as her ghostly echo settled in front of me. "I've waited so long for this."
Fangs bared, a light of insanity in her eyes, my former cheergirl bestie lunged right for me.
***
