Chapter 367: Jealousy
Charlotte insisted on standing guard outside my door while Sassafras, Liam and I talked over what happened and tried to make plans. Hard to do without having all the answers we needed. And really, my best plans usually involved just jumping in with all the fire power I could muster and hoping for the best.
Sassafras finally left us to go see Mom. We decided he was the best choice.
"Though I doubt she'll listen to me, either," he said. "But I'll try."
I felt a momentary pang of guilt over Meira. I'd promised I'd go visit her that night, but, with everything that was happening, I just couldn't. I sat on the edge of my bed, letting out a big gust of air and a gentle caress to my sister's mind.
Sorry, Meems. I have to bail on you.
It's okay. I could feel others with her, hear giggling. Sassy hadn't been kidding. Was my little sister turning into some kind of party maven? And on a school night?
Her laugh tinkled in my head as she caught my shock. Night, Mom. Another giggle.
Smart ass sister. Guess she wasn't missing me after all.
I let her go and turned to Liam who perched beside me, not touching me, but close enough I felt the warmth of his body. It was a great comfort to have him there, especially since Sashenka was out. I really didn't feel like being alone right then.
Until I remembered he'd kissed me and it all went awkward.
But I didn't have time to admit it. Voices on the other side of my door told me someone argued with Charlotte, and when the door itself banged open and Quaid stomped in, I shot to my feet, my own anger matching the look on his face.
But he wasn't staring at me. His brown eyes were laser-focused on Liam who, to my shock, surged up and forward until he was right in Quaid's face.
Between us.
Protecting me again.
"You're not welcome here." Liam's normally kind, warm voice was full of venom. "Not after the way you treated Syd."
"Mind your own damned business, fairy boy." Quaid shoved Liam aside. Or tried to. My tall Sidhe friend might not have had the musculature of the slightly stockier Quaid, but he did have access to enough earth magic to keep him solidly grounded, an immovable blond wall of protectiveness.
As much as I appreciated the fact he was there for me, I didn't need the two of them fighting it out in my room like a pair of three-year-olds in a sandbox.
"Liam." I pulled him back to my side while Quaid glared. "It's okay." I faced my boyfriend-or was he anymore?-down. "What are you doing here?" I kept my tone level, reasonable. "You didn't want to get involved in the trouble I'm chasing, remember?" Okay, a little dig wasn't beyond me.
Quaid's gaze shifted to me at last. "I wanted to check on you," he said. "To make sure you were okay."
"Of course she's okay," Liam grated. "Like you give a crap about her."
Quaid's brow dropped, smoldering fire burning in his eyes as his magic coiled around him, hands clenching into fists. "This is a private conversation," he rumbled in his deep voice, "in case you hadn't noticed."
"Boys!" I sighed, caught Charlotte's arched eyebrows and apologetic expression before I physically put myself between them, the buzz of Liam's earth magic humming on one side while Quaid's thrummed like a taut drum on the other. "Enough. Quaid, Liam was here to help me. No offense, but you weren't." I felt myself sag a little. "I guess I understand why you said no. But I had to do something, with or without you." Sadness finally won over the anger I'd cultivated. I didn't want it to go like this, none of it, not the hurt look on Liam's face as he realized I'd approached Quaid first and not the deep pain in Quaid's when he decided I'd replaced him.
Damn them both.
"I should have been there for you," Quaid said, whole layers of meaning behind his words. "I'm sorry, Syd."
I shook my head. "Just forget it," I said. "I have more important things to worry about."
He flinched a little, eyes going to Liam's face. "I'm happy to help," he said between clenched teeth. "And so are all of my friends. But you can't have it both ways, Syd." His dark eyes, almost black from the intensity of his feelings, locked on me and made my stomach do a slow roll. "You have to choose."
Choose? What was he talking about?
I finally understood when Liam laughed, a harsh and angry sound. "You're an asshole, Quaid. Always have been, always will be."
Wait a second. Choose between them? He so did not just ask me to-
"That's not fair." I turned my back fully on Liam to face Quaid. "Liam's my friend. He's here for me when I need him. When you're off with your Enforcer friends, with... with her." We both knew who I was talking about. "He's been there for me when you weren't. If I have to give up Liam, you have to give up your friends, too."
Quaid shook his head, backing away. "You just don't get it," he said. "You don't see it. Not like I do."
Fury rose again, smothering the grief. Good. I liked the anger much better.
"Liam's right," I said. "You are an asshole. Get out of my room."
His face went cold, still. "Fine," he said, "have your little fling. I'm done. So much for love, Syd."
Quaid stormed off, leaving me there with my heart torn open. I felt Liam reach for me, but couldn't, just couldn't and ran from the room, after the love of my life.
I caught him in the Yard, feet from his own dorm, nabbed his arm, spun him around. Quaid's own rage was clear on his face, even as he grabbed me and pulled me against his chest, lips coming down hard on mine. I let him kiss me, despite the pain, until his anger was too much, overwhelming me, making my demon furious.
When I jerked free of him, she took control of my body for a split second and slapped him so hard he staggered.
As he straightened, my whole body went cold, chilled to the bone, goosebumps standing on my arms. Quaid's face was so forlorn, his own hurt so clear I wanted to reach for him, but didn't.
Didn't.
He slumped, moisture standing in his beautiful eyes, his power gently touching mine. "Syd," he whispered. "What's happening to us?"
"We're just screwed up, I guess." I hugged myself, wishing it was his arms around me. "Who is she to you, Quaid? And why aren't you with me?"
"You're making me crazy." His hands jammed into the back pockets of his jeans. "I love you so much I can hardly breathe sometimes. I can't think. I don't know what to do, Syd."
"But." It was there. It had always been there, that but.
"I love the Enforcers." He met my eyes, his emotions under control. "I want to be one."
"You know you can't have both." Now I sounded like him. But it was true and we both understood it. The law said Enforcers couldn't have family affiliations. Had to remain objective and were only allowed to tie in to the Council magic.
Which meant no marriage. No life together.
Nothing.
Could I live with that? Worse, could I live with a Quaid who gave up what he wanted for my happiness?
I couldn't leave it alone. "Who is she to you, Quaid?"
"Payten is just a friend." He shrugged. But I read the guilt in him. Maybe at this point they were still just friends. But he knew what she wanted. And he wasn't fighting it very hard.
"Liam is my friend too," I said. Did he read into that what I read into his words? Perhaps.
Quaid bobbed a nod.
"You have to choose," I said. "We can't do this anymore. You know that, right?" I reached out, touched his arm. "We've spent the last two years locked in this thing together, Quaid. But it's not good for either of us if it's going to keep on going this way. You hurting me. Me hurting you back."
Though he was the one doing most of the hurting, I didn't press the issue.
"I'll choose when you do," he said.
Of all the stubborn, arrogant, jealous... I let my anger out again, not caring how much damage I did.
"I chose you long ago, you idiot," I said. "You're the only one who can't seem to accept that."
I didn't give him a chance to answer, turning away from him, not able to stand being around him any longer.
How was it fair nobody warned me how much love sucked?
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