Chapter 683: Torn
I sat on the edge of Liam's bed, trying to study, failing miserably. He lay beside me, one hand stroking my leg as he read from a textbook. He hadn't pushed me for much information about what I was now calling The Charlotte Incident, and I was grateful. Partially because whenever I thought about my werefriend I either started to cry and couldn't stop or I thought about Piers.
Way worse. Especially considering the company I kept.
Liam finally closed his book over and tried to pull me down beside him. My whole body resisted, to the point I shut my laptop lid and stood up to avoid him.
The hurt look on his face was almost too much.
"What's wrong?" Green glittered in hazel.
"Nothing." I was a record scratched so deep I couldn't come up with another answer to his almost constant question.
"Syd," he said. "You keep saying there's nothing wrong. But you haven't been yourself since you got back from the Ukraine."
Sigh. "I just have a lot on my mind." Wow, nice line, Hayle. Oh, and don't meet his eyes, right. Keep yours on anything but the pain in his. Very classy. "I have to go."
Liam stood, came after me, but I was already slipping on my jacket, halfway out the door before he could reach me.
I stuffed my computer in my bag, struggling with my coat and scarf, though I didn't need them anymore. Weird, just weird. And only added to the craziness of what I was becoming.
When I almost dropped half the contents of my purse onto the ground on the top step outside Liam's dorm, I finally stopped and took my time putting my physical self together while my internal self slowly unraveled.
Do you love him? My vampire spoke gently.
I don't know. I sagged against the stair railing and shrugged. Two normal students walking past me looked at me like I'd lost it.
Maybe I had.
I do, I sent. But I'm not sure if he's the right one for me. This is so hard.
It is, she sent. Really helpful. But we are here for you, to help you make your decision.
Right. You guys have to live with him too, don't you? Forgot about that.
We will adore whomever you choose, my vampire sent while my demon grumbled, but finally agreed.
We love you, Syd, Shaylee sent. And we love Liam. More demon grumbles. But if you choose another, that's all right, too.
But if you do, I get to pick the next one, my demon sent.
We all laughed while I imagined the fiery, brightly burning disaster she'd likely saddle us with.
Syd. Mom's voice cut through the conversation. Are you nearby?
I looked down the Yard at Massachusetts Hall. I can be there in a second.
No rush, she sent. But I have dinner ready if you're hungry.
My stomach chose that exact moment to grumble.
Mom didn't say much as she doled out spaghetti and meatballs, sliding two thick slices of garlic toast onto my plate. The smell was divine and I kept my fingers crossed I would never lose my nose for delicious like I did my sensitivity to cold and hot.
Man, that would suck.
It wasn't until we were almost done, my fork scraping over the last of the sauce on the bottom of my plate, that Mom spoke.
"I wanted you to know how proud I am of how you handled yourself, sweetheart." Mom's blue eyes shone with her smile.
"Thanks, Mom," I said. Sighed and set aside my fork. "I made a mess, but I cleaned it up." Well, mostly. Wasn't much I could do about the shattered ruin of the palace church.
"You did what you had to do and you followed the rules." Mom grinned. "Well, mostly."
A giggle escaped me. "I'm good at mostly."
We clinked glasses in celebration of good enough.
"Margaret's state is an issue," she said, sobering. "Though it appears the Brotherhood are, as of yet, unprepared for war between territories." Mom set down her wine glass and threaded her hands together in front of her. "She's been speaking to the other Council Leaders, but so far no one has taken her side. Which gives me hope they aren't under Brotherhood control."
Good to know. "I had a thought," I said, remembering another friend who had been left behind. "Now that I know Applegate's rules, I can free Sebastian as long as I don't use witch magic."
Mom's continuing hesitation told me nothing had changed, at least for her.
"I worry for him," she said. "But I fear any kind of further prodding might push the Brotherhood past the point of no return. And we can't risk that just yet."
I nodded, frustrated, but knowing she was right.
"This summer will tell us much," Mom said. "And while I know you want to act now, having a world conclave of Councils will give us access to all of the territories. And grant us the opportunity to check all of them together for Brotherhood influence."
"I don't know that we can afford to wait, Mom." I sat back, dinner not sitting so well with me anymore. "What if the Brotherhood is ready to act before conclave happens? That's August. And we're in January." Months. So much could happen in so many months.
"I know," she said. "I really do, Syd. And I've considered other options, such as going to see them individually. But if I do that, the Brotherhood has warning, can act on one while I'm with another." She dropped her hands, cutlery jumping. "And yes, I understand they will see through the conclave call. That they will expect our tactics, know it is our way of examining each of the Councils." She shook her head, long, black hair swinging over her shoulders in glossy curls.
"I could just gather them up and take care of it." Tempting.
"Don't think I haven't considered that option," Mom said with a little smile. "And I'm not even kidding."
Okay then.
"I'm already getting positive responses from the other Councils," Mom said, "despite Applegate's campaign against you." She laughed. "Maybe because of it. I'm sure they are curious to meet you at this point."
Ah, fame. Blerg.
"As long as we're able to hold things together," Mom said. "August will be a telling month."
I nodded, glum. August. Almost three months after my birthday. Mom must have known where my mind was, because her magic reached for me, ever so gently.
"How's Liam?"
Gulp.
"Fine," I said, sipping my water. Avoiding her eyes.
Because that would work on my mother.
Um-hum.
"Syd." She reached for my hand, squeezed it. "You know if I could change this law for you, I would."
Shrug. "I guess so."
Mom's chuckle tweaked my temper.
"Believe me," she said. "I know exactly how you feel."
I finally met her eyes. "You loved Dad."
She nodded, gaze far away even as my heart ached for her loss. She really did love him, probably would always pine for him though I hoped she considered dating at some point.
Shiver.
"It wasn't easy making the decision to marry Harry," she said. "Knowing how hard you girls would have it. Especially your sister." She sat back with a sigh, setting aside her napkin, swirling her wine in her glass. The dark red liquid left a pink coating on the crystal. "But I trusted myself, my instincts. And you need to, as well."
"There's just one problem with that advice," I said, softer and with the ache in my heart showing much more than I intended. "My instincts lead me down a road I can't take."
Mom's face fell. "You two are meant for each other," she said. "I knew it even when you were infants, felt the connection between you. But Quaid has chosen another path. And you must do your best to find happiness."
I refused to cry over him anymore. "It's not like I don't have a selection to choose from."
She laughed at my joke. "You can have your pick of anyone, my darling daughter," she said. "Choose wisely." Mom's expression shifted to serious. "Have you discussed it with Liam?"
"He wants to be the one," I said. Gulped down some water to douse the fire rising in my chest.
"You need to talk about it." Her eyes drifted to her wine. "I know he loves you, but does he fully understand what marrying you will mean for him?" One fingernail tinkled against the glass. "For your children?"
"We haven't yet," I said. "But you don't sound very optimistic about his answers. Does that mean you don't approve of Liam either?" Funny, didn't get my back up the way it used to, thinking he wasn't a good match for me. Probably because I was finally accepting it was true.
"Not at all," Mom said. "I will support you no matter who you marry. But Syd, don't jump into something out of need. Follow your heart. Promise me."
I nodded, leaned close to hug her. "I promise." Part of me wanted to spill my guts, to talk into the night with her about how I felt for Liam, my longing for Quaid. But from the sad look on her face, the way her lips tightened and her shoulders, too, I knew she was thinking about her own love lost.
When she looked up and met my eyes, though, she smiled. And that smile made me feel better about the whole mess.
Now I just had to figure out what my heart actually wanted.
Easy, right?
***
