Chapter 588: Stymied
I stood on the grass beside the bench and tried to pull my crap together after telling Gram and Charlotte everything Ameline told me.
Again, Gram didn't look surprised. Having her Enforcer magic with me gave her the in she needed to eavesdrop. Still, talking it out helped me work around some of my fear.
"We have to tell Mom." Why was that always my initial go-to? Old habits. But damn it, I had to talk to her. Yes, she'd freaked on me last time. And I remained rigidly furious with her. Still, now that I knew what I knew... how could I keep this from her?
And I had to know if Ameline was right. About other covens going missing.
"You're as big an idiot as that boy of yours." I didn't correct Gram. Quaid wasn't mine anymore.
Hang on. She was talking about Liam-
Oh, Syd.
"Your mother has made it very clear you're to stay out of this," Gram said. "Really feel like round two? With the information you now have, unconfirmed information that has nothing to do with the present circumstance? From a prisoner you weren't supposed to visit?"
I stared at her, muted by indecision.
"And you're going to explain where you particular knowledge came from how?" Gram smacked my arm. "Brains, girl. You were born with some. Use them."
She was right. Hell in a hand basket. I had possibly sensitive information and no way to share it with Mom. Who, frankly, was so twisted up and all kinds of wrong I was crazy even considering going to see her. Knee-jerk reaction, clearly.
Still. I had to get through to her somehow. Didn't I?
She didn't deserve the information I had.
But she was leader of the Council. She had to listen.
Like that would ever happen.
And I was arguing with myself again. Maybe Gram's nuthouse routine was contagious.
Craptastic.
After ten minutes waffling, starting out toward Massachusetts Hall before turning back several times, I finally sighed and nodded and caved.
Gram's smirk wasn't as satisfied as it was understanding.
And so, with no other recourse, we went home.
All hail the conquering heroes.
I paced restlessly around my bedroom for hours, refusing dinner, conversation. I knew Gram filled in Shenka because I could hear them talking outside my door. Charlotte had the courtesy to stay out of my way, and I was glad. I didn't need that kind of protection.
Not the physical kind.
Just protection from myself.
I considered going to the gym, whacking on the heavy bag for a while, just to vent my frustration, but I couldn't bring myself to leave the house.
I really needed to have a bag installed in the basement.
Sleep was impossible, even well after 1AM. The quiet house finally beckoned me to emerge, now dark and quiet, the silent kitchen waking with cold light as I helped myself to some leftovers. I couldn't bring myself to go back upstairs alone, instead descending into the basement, to the family pentagram. I sat in the center, cross legged, anchoring myself in the power of the coven, feeling them sleeping through the connection.
Creepy, peeping-Tom level ickiness? Not on purpose. Just my job.
Peter Simmons tossed in his bed, a nightmare easily soothed as I sent him back to slumber. Arabelle Martin sat up reading, unable to put the book down and, for a page or so, I followed along, until the heat of the romance between the two main characters made her giggle and me blush, leaving her to her secret pleasure. Mary Gripper and her newborn son, Alex, were the only other two up so late. She didn't need me, lost in her baby, her magic embracing him, a warm cocoon of power tying back to the family, to comfort and peace and safety. All bound in love so powerful I almost wept to know what it would feel like, someday, to love someone so much.
I let the soothing feeling of her caring for her child calm me, bring me as much joy as I'd ever felt and sent silent thanks, though she would never know how much peace she brought me.
In balance at last, I dove into my exercises, the same ones Quaid helped me develop, and tried not to think about him. Would he turn me in? Turn in Varity? I found it hard to believe, knew he'd been at war with himself. But he was an Enforcer, wasn't he?
And once he took his full oath, he wouldn't owe me a scrap of loyalty.
Still, I couldn't believe he would do anything to hurt me or the coven he still called his own. It was easy to convince myself if Varity hadn't appeared, we'd still be safe. That he'd have merely vented his frustration and escorted us out. Hadn't he seemed more hurt than self-righteous, wondering why I hadn't come to him in the first place? I know he would have delivered a very firm Quaid lecture full of disappointment and opinion expressed in that jerktard way of his before simply letting us go.
The pull of creation magic cleared my mind, driving thoughts of Quaid, the stronghold, my fears and worries away completely at last. The dull, empty feeling of my sorcery woke beneath me, the petals of a dark flower opening, gaping in hunger, locking in place at the base of my power. Layers of magic, Sidhe, demon, vampire, witch, wound together in an elaborate pattern. I'd been trying different methods to connect them all, wanting to find the most efficient. I'd never been very good at the whole practicing magic thing. I always did my best work in a total panic with the fate of the world on the line. But there was something incredibly soothing about running the exercises, about absorbing myself in the flow of my powers, a feeling I embraced fully and wished I could maintain all the time.
Because that was, ultimately, the point. To reach a place where I lived my abilities, instead of reacting to them. With them.
Hopefully before the crap totally hit the fan.
The intrusion came gently, with hesitation, not really an intrusion at all. Her touch, though unexpected, was welcome and I made sure she knew it. I reached for Trill and drew her to me, letting her into the swirl of mixing magicks, amazed by the happy joy my alter egos felt at welcoming her, too. The girl I'd first met, the angry girl who hid behind a shell of harshness as her only protection, was long gone. Trust blossomed between us these days. Trill joined her creation magic to mine, the soft touch of her power sparking.
Despite her calm, I could feel her worry.
And I'd been expecting this was a social call in the middle of the night?
What's wrong? I automatically reached for answers, only to have her block me.
This is my battle to win, she sent. I've just had some... difficulties adjusting.
To? I sank back, hovered with her, caught the image of her sitting in the back of her family's old RV, the night sky as dark as mine, a few other vehicles outside indicating she was in some kind of campground.
Not everything is as I thought originally, she sent. There are more sides to this puzzle than I expected. Her fingers fiddled with themselves, reached for her face and encountered nothing.
No glasses. What happened to her that she no longer needed them?
Her use of phrase made me shudder. She felt my reaction and seized on it the same way I'd seized on hers. Made me smile.
We were so much alike it cracked me up.
I told her about Ameline, the Dumont power loss. My fight with Mom. Trill didn't feel optimistic when I ground to a halt.
I fear, she sent, a terrible fear, Ameline is correct.
My vampire sighed as the maji girl repeated what she'd already told me.
Aw hell.
Even as there are two sides to the sorcerer's sects, Trill sent, her mind shivering, tied to her worry, there are those of the maji blood who don't follow our path.
She said what? Who are they? Are you in trouble?
Trill's power hugged me. I'm fine, she sent, the "for now" she didn't add hovering between us. But I can see now the truth of it. The Light and the Shadow, Syd. Balance. And these dark maji, they would side with Ameline and her goals. Trill sighed mentally. Are you certain she doesn't have good intentions? She seems determined to defeat the Brotherhood.
If you even knew how laughable that was, I sent back. Are these dark maji of yours well intentioned?
Trill paused. Excellent point. Another moment of hesitation. Please, be careful.
You too. I let out my own long exhale. Should I be guarding against these dark maji? What are they after?
They don't know about you, she sent with a touch of panic. Like such knowledge would mean disaster. At least as far as I can tell. You should be safe enough, as long as you don't do anything to attract them.
Which she had, obviously. You're sure you don't need help?
Trill's mind echoed with gratitude. Honestly, she sent, I've had better days. She continued to shield against me and there was no way I'd pry if she didn't want me to know. As much as it killed me not to. Nosy much? But I can handle it. And if you did try to help, they would find out about you. They'd realize we're closer to the war starting than they think. Bad enough they've misinterpreted the prophesy about Owen and I.
Didn't sound good at all. Okay, I sent, but don't be stubborn about it. If you need me, you call. We'll deal with what comes after that.
Trill didn't say anything for a long moment and I thought maybe I'd lost her or she'd gone from me on purpose. Had I pushed her too far? I knew how proud she was, how self-reliant. I was just as bad. But when she reached for me again, I caught the image of her wiping tears from her cheeks.
Thank you, she sent, even her mental voice hoarse. You don't know what that means, Syd. Knowing we're not alone anymore.
Being alone was a massive touchstone for me. One I understood completely.
We sat together, minds linked, until she finally settled again. I should let you sleep. Like sleep was coming to me any time soon. And I have things to attend. Something scuttled through her power and I finally felt what was troubling her, the subtle darkness in her power. My creation magic, my maji, woke and bonded together, reaching for her, to heal the damage.
Again she blocked me. I didn't want to admit it, she sent. But now that we've spoken, as much as I wanted to be rid of the dark, I think I'm going to need it.
Balance.
Right.
You won't like this, she sent. But you will probably need to free Ameline at some point. Be prepared.
Like hell. We'll see, I sent back.
I hope not. Trill embraced me again. But the way is dark to both of us. All we can do is what we do best.
Save the world. I had to laugh. Even if it doesn't want saving.
She laughed too. I miss you, her mind whispered.
And then, she was gone.
I sat there a long time, fists clenched, telling myself over and over again there was no way I would ever free Ameline.
No. Way.
Never quite believing it.
***
