Chapter 687: The Law Is The Law
I retreated to my room, my favorite refuge since I was a girl. Different geography, maybe, but the idea was the same. Escape from the family, from responsibility, if only for a little while.
Sassafras wasn't interested in giving me space, it turned out. As I tried to close the door behind me, he slipped through the gap, sauntering his fat cat body to the bed before leaping onto the quilt. I sighed inwardly, expecting a lecture as I crossed the room and glared at him where he perched, watching me with those judging amber eyes.
"You're being ridiculous," he said. "The law is the law. And it's not like you don't have choices."
"So, you're telling me I should just get married and oh well if I make the wrong selection. Is that it?" I prodded him with magic, stomach churning.
Sass's tail thrashed once, but when he spoke again his tone was lighter. "I know you're worried," he said. "There was a time you put yourself first. But these days, like the great leader I always knew you would be, you put the coven ahead of your own heart." I sagged a little as he went on. "Syd, we only want you to be happy. And if that means choosing someone you love, but who might not be the best choice for the family, then do it." He reached out with one paw, swiping the air before letting it fall. "I've watched so many Hayle witches struggle with just this issue over the years, wished I could help them more than I did when it came to these things." His ears drooped sideways, whiskers quivering. "But you are the only one I really don't worry about. Whoever you decide to marry, he will be right for you." Another twitch of his silver tail. "And the coven can suck it up."
I sank to the edge of the bed and kissed the top of his furry head, loving how soft it was. He leaned in, purring so loudly I felt myself vibrating from it.
"Thanks, Sass," I said. Swallowed the lump in my throat threatening to choke me. "I guess I've just been worried about everything, it's making me crazy."
He head-butted me. "Our fault," he said. "We put too much pressure on you."
I leaned back to stroke his fur as he continued his rumble. "It took me a long time to understand how important the family is," I said. "And while I know my choice isn't life or death, I just can't bring myself to..."
"Let go of Quaid." Sassafras's voice dropped to a whisper as he licked my fingers in sympathy.
A small sob escaped me, both hands rising to cover my mouth, to keep in the sadness pushing on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I managed a nod, finally admitting the truth to him.
To myself.
How could I possibly marry anyone but Quaid? The power inside me swelled, yearned for him. The connection to him remained, thanks to the family magic, a constant reminder of who I needed, loved, had to have.
Couldn't.
I fell on my side, tears leaking onto the quilt as Sassafras curled up against me, whiskers tickling my cheek as his pink nose came within an inch of mine.
"I love you," he said. "And I'm sorry this is so hard for you. But it might be time to finally let him go."
I shivered, nodded. "You're right," I choked out. "I just don't know how."
Sassafras sighed deeply, entire body rising and falling with it. "When Thaddea first rescued me, I loved her so much, Syd." A hit of shock broke through my own melancholy as Sass spoke. He never talked about his past. "It was the first time I really knew what love meant, the first time I thought of someone else before myself."
I hardly breathed as he went on, flickers of images passing between us as he showed me a gorgeous young woman in Victorian dress, her long, red hair in an elaborate updo, lifting him from a dirty puddle, his Persian body broken and filthy.
"She saved my life," he said, his own voice now thick with emotion. "But more than that, she saved my soul." He paused, eyelids closing slowly over his burning yellow gaze before he went on. "I thought we would be together forever." Another image, this time of him happy, clean, Thaddea laughing. It was so odd to see my ancestor as a young woman, no older than me, to think of her, not as my history, but as a real, breathing person who Sassafras knew and loved. "But we weren't meant for such a fate," he said.
A new image appeared, this one of a tall, broad shouldered man, a kind smile on his handsome face.
"I hated Orin," Sass said. "Because I knew, the moment they met, their magic connected. They were born for each other."
I shivered. "I feel that way about Quaid."
Sassafras nodded slowly. "I know," he said. "There are times when certain witches meet and their power combines in a way which cannot be denied." He nudged my nose with his. "I watched it happen to Thad. To Auburdeen with Gabriel. And with you and Quaid."
"So we have to be together." Was that relief, Syd, coursing through your veins suddenly?
Sass didn't respond right away, but when he did, I felt my newborn hope die.
"You should be," he said. Snorted softly. "And I'm afraid you will both be miserable if you don't. But he is as stubborn as you are," his amber eyes flashed fire, "and I have no doubt has the determination to do what he wants regardless of how he feels for you."
"So I'm doomed," I said, trying to keep my voice light though fresh tears found paths to the damp quilt. "Thanks, Sass."
He shuddered, fur fluffing out. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't tell you this story to make you unhappy." He shifted position until his full body was pressed to me, head tucked under my chin. "But I want you to understand why you're resisting making a choice. And that you will be forced to fight how you feel for Quaid for the rest of your life."
Considering how long my life was supposed to last, thanks to my immortality...
Just. Freaking. Lovely.
But it did put things into perspective. "Is there a way to break the connection?" I thought of my werefriend, Charlotte, now princess of the werewolf nation. She and I had been bonded, a connection which shattered when she'd almost died. Then again, by choice, last winter when I freed her and her people from the sorcerers.
Sassafras shrugged. "I don't know," he said. "But I doubt it. All the research I've done indicates it only ends with the death of one or the other, and even then a gaping hole remains."
Wow, he was really making me feel better.
"I think about Gram," I said, breathing in Sass's fur, "about Grandfather Ivan. Mom and Dad. And I wonder if love is really worth it." My arms tightened around my demon cat. "And there's my immortality." Should the law even apply to someone like me? "Whoever I marry will grow old and die, Sass. And I'll be alone."
My egos stirred, comforting and soothing, but I had to talk about it.
"That's true," Sass said. "There are very few races you could choose from who could even hope to match you."
Demon. Sidhe. Vampire.
"Have you talked to Liam about this?" Sassafras lifted his chin, one paw on my cheek.
Sigh. "He just wanders around all heartbroken one minute, determined to win me over the next." I rolled my eyes. "It's driving me nuts. Besides," I poked his tummy, "I thought he was the wrong one for me. You and Gram both said so."
Sassafras's ears twitched. "I know," he said. "And yet, perhaps I was wrong. Liam O'Dane is a lovely young man, Syd. Not strong enough for you, no. And he never will be. But he loves you and will treat you and our coven with respect. That may be enough."
Was it?
"As for young Piers Southway," Sass said. "I know you don't feel about him the way you do Liam, but he is a power to be reckoned with. And marrying a sorcerer of the Steam Union can have political advantages."
My brows came together in a frown before I could stop them.
"I don't want to marry for politics," I said. Paused and thought about it as I forced my temper to back off. "Then again," I said, "since I can't have the love I want, maybe politics is the best choice."
Sass's warm body wriggled closer as he closed his eyes and let his purr rise in volume.
"You must choose," he said. "No more thinking."
Thinking was all I'd been doing.
"If you were to toss a coin," he said, "with Liam being heads and Piers tails, who would you wish for as the coin rose?"
Smartass cat.
"You're forgetting Sebastian." I still felt terrible my vampire friend, the former leader of the Blood Clan DeWinter, remained trapped and suffering at the hand of Celeste Oberman. The desire to rush to the vampire mansion and murder the traitor and spy was so powerful I knew it was a delay tactic. My brain didn't want to make a decision and happily created a scenario to save me from thinking further.
Sassafras's paws kneaded against my chest. "Unless you can find a way for the undead to father children," he said, "I'm thinking he's not an option."
Sigh.
"I'll decide," I said, feeling my eyes pulling closed, the strain of so much emotion driving me toward sleep. "I promise."
Sass's purr lulled me into quiet as he softly chuckled.
"Of course you will," he said.
***
Liam pulls against my left arm, his dear face twisted in need.
"I love you," he wails. "Why don't you love me back!"
Someone grasps my right arm, jerking me away from Liam. "Marry me," Piers leers, long, blonde hair hanging over his shoulder as his gray eyes burn holes through me. "We're the perfect combination of power. You'll never miss love."
I lurch from both of them, stumbling from a castle hallway and into a garden, surrounded by flowers and the scent of lilacs.
"You have to choose." Mom's desperation gives me goosebumps.
"You have to choose." Shenka's hands try to pull me to her, but I spin and run.
"You have to choose." Sassafras's claws catch me, pull me back. I stagger to my knees, look up as the High Council surrounds me, ranks of witches, faces I know, those I don't, crowding close, pushing against me. I huddle in fear and heartbreak as they loom over me.
"Choose," they chant. "Choose. Choose. Choose-"
***
I jerked awake, shuddering from the afterimage of the dream, disoriented and crying all over again.
A groan escaped me as I pushed myself up from the bed, still fully dressed, the dark of the room and the rumbling of my stomach telling me it was long past dinner.
Sassafras had left me to sleep, though I desperately wished he was here with me now. The dream was a clear response to the stress I felt. Sadly, this wasn't the first time I'd had this dream or one like it.
I shivered and hugged myself as I stood there in the black and tried to pull myself together. Clearly, Sassafras was right. I had to find a way to move past the need I had to hold onto Quaid. I didn't want to believe he was the real reason I struggled so hard. But it became crystal clear to me now where my panic came from, what spring the palpitations of my heart drank deeply of.
Quaid.
Through pain and hurt and heartache. In love and excitement and more joy than I'd ever felt in my life. Past trouble, disaster, risk of death.
Always Quaid.
So how exactly was I going to shed this impossible need I had for him? Maybe I could do some research. Dive into the Sidhe archive in the Gate cavern. Every book that ever existed resided there and I was sure, if it meant breaking this hold Quaid and I had over each other, Liam would be more than happy to help.
But even as I imagined opening a large, dusty tome, reading the words providing the relief I needed, I shunted the thought aside. And that, I knew, was my downfall.
I didn't want to let him go.
A deep breath of frustration and longing turned into a meep of fear as something rattled against my window, shattering my private misery. Since the family wards didn't respond, fear left in a rush of anger.
My temper came willingly, happy to smother heartache, my favorite answer to everything. Instinct took over, forcing me across the room to the curtain. I whipped it back, jerking on the sash as my temper lit inside me. Probably some local kids throwing rocks at the house.
I'd thrash their little behinds.
The moment the window was open, though, I realized my mistake. And fell back with a cry of fear as power surged at the gap before rushing through the wards and into my room.
***
