Chapter 368: Confessions
Liam was gone by the time I returned to my room, Charlotte remaining a respectful distance behind me. Nice of her. Either that or she just wanted to avoid my temper.
I stood there in my dorm, brain running in a circle before I turned and left again. This was ridiculous. I had to sort it out and the only way to do that was to talk to Liam.
We were friends. The kiss was just a mistake, a slip up. I'd hash it out with my Sidhe friend and then go shove it in Quaid's face.
Part of me ached with sympathy for Quaid. He'd never known real love, not as a child, a toy and a power source in the hands of the Moromonds, then a spy among the Dumonts searching for the means to avenge his parent's deaths. The only time he'd ever come in contact with people who really cared about him was in my family, and those moments were brief. I knew he was a good person, deep down. He'd proven it to me over and over again, between bouts of jerkishness. But was the damage done too profound for him to move past?
Even if we worked things out this time, would we ever really find peace together?
I refused to accept the answer might be no.
The moment I spotted Liam's slumped form on a bench at the edge of the Yard, I felt a pang of nerves. But I shoved them aside. This was too important for me to wimp out. We'd talk about it, laugh over the silliness of what happened and everything would be okay again.
I sat next to him, reaching for his hand which he took instantly.
"I'm sorry about the fight," he said. "It was stupid."
I leaned in, resting my head on his shoulder. "It was stupid," I said. "You two idiots. I could have knocked your heads together."
He grunted softly, a small smile on his face. "Yeah," he said.
"But Quaid's the worst." I sat up, shaking my head. "Thinking he has something to be jealous about. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. He's such a freak."
I glanced at Liam, only had a second to process he was closer to me until his lips touched mine, a soft, gentle touch so different from the rough one I'd just shared with Quaid my heart fluttered in my chest.
When Liam pulled away, his hazel eyes were wide open, his heart in them. "He has a lot to be jealous about," Liam said. "I've been in love with you since the moment we met."
I should have felt more surprised. Hadn't I just convinced myself this was nothing, that Quaid was full of it? That Liam was just my friend.
In my heart, I'd known. So what did that say about me?
Liam went on while I struggled with my conscience. "I never said anything, did anything, because I knew how much you love Quaid." Liam's free hand clenched into a fist, but the one holding mine was as gentle as ever. As gentle as he was. "But I can't stand it, Syd. Seeing how he treats you. You deserve so much better-to be loved and adored and made the center of his universe." Liam sat back, shoulders tense, whole body rigid. "I'm sorry. I can't hide how I feel about you anymore. But I'll understand if you choose Quaid." Liam's gaze dropped. "I just want to be around you, no matter what that means, even if we can't be together. Even if you never love me the way I love you."
He might as well have ripped my heart out of my chest, tossed it to the ground at his feet and danced a jig on it. Sobs built inside me, but I couldn't let them out, just sat there, numb and unable to react to anything he said. When I finally could move it was to rise and leave him there, half running from the sweet, kind and amazing guy I adored.
But didn't love. Not like that.
Please, please, I didn't want to lose him over this.
I reached instinctively for Quaid, wanting to feel him, to have his power wrap me up, to embrace the familiar touch of his magic. But the moment I did he muted our connection, cutting me off from him, from his love and from his magic.
My demon howled her fury and slashed out with amber fire, cutting the tie between us in her grief. I instantly shoved her back, but it was too late.
The damage was done.
The line of love I'd clung to so many times, the piece of Quaid I'd held close to me and used for comfort for so long was gone. Cut free. I sent my magic to him, begging to reconnect.
For whatever reason, Quaid refused to let me back in.
The sobs building inside me from Liam's confession rose higher, threatening to choke me, to shatter me into so many pieces I was certain I'd never be able to put them back together again.
Only one thought crossed my mind. And with my heart shattering over and over again, my soul dying, I ran across the Yard, just wanting my mother.
***
