Chapter 181: Love Lost
I felt them come to my door while I threw my private hissy fit, but ignored them. First Erica, then Dad. Mom last. Not one of them tried to enter without my permission, so that was one good thing. They finally accepted the fact they couldn't just barge in on me and treat me like a total child. Now if I could only convince them to stop keeping their damned secrets, everything would be hunky.
I wasn't feeling particularly grown up at that moment. The little girl inside me sobbed and raged and threw things. My demon howled her outrage, her fury at Quaid while Shaylee wept for another love lost.
Me? I just kept screaming.
I let the bubble collapse at last, falling to the bed myself, all of the energy I'd held inside since meeting the brothers outside Johnny's finally gone. As I lay there, staring at the sparkly pink chandelier Mom insisted on putting in my room, I came to grips with the truth of the matter.
Quaid wasn't mine anymore. I'd known it already, but now I had proof. He was gone, lost, and I had to move on. Yes, I loved him. My throat closed a bit at the thought, but I pushed down my grief. I wouldn't cry over him anymore. I was done feeling sorry for myself, finished being a victim of that jerk. Ameline could have him.
I sat up, stomach growling slightly. A snack. Perfect. Gram had it right, I was sure. I'd shove all of my crap down as far as I could and smother it with chocolate.
The house was quiet when I went downstairs. I felt Mom and Dad in the basement, but both my cat and the big black Fey dog were missing. Maybe they'd gone to spy on the Dumonts. I knew the hotel they were talking about. It was some kind of restored old house, elegant looking, usually full of tourists in the summer. I had no doubt they'd used magic to clear the way for themselves, after hearing Andre's opinion of normals and seeing first hand what the brothers were up to. I'd never had reason to go up to the place, a darkly creepy manor house overlooking the valley, but it seemed I did now.
I wasn't surprised to find Gram sitting alone at the kitchen table when I entered. She kept her magic as carefully wrapped up as I did. Maybe I did so myself out of habit or subliminal training from all those years of holding the piece of her spirit. Whatever the case, when she looked up and met my eyes, I knew she'd been waiting for me.
And to be honest, she was the only one I was willing to have this conversation with.
I grabbed a bag of chips and a bowl out of the cupboard, filling it and setting it on the table before tearing open a bag of chocolate pieces, dumping them in after. Gram helped herself to a handful, eyes never leaving me as she munched her way through it.
"Tell me about the Puritys." I asked on impulse, not wanting to talk about Quaid just yet. I hunted for and found a folded over chip and dropped some chocolate into it, savoring the salt and sweet mix.
Gram settled her chin on one fist. "There's not much to tell," she said, old sorrow in her voice. "We were friends once, the Dumont girls and I. Grew up together, went to school together in France. But there was always something wrong with Odette. A heartlessness. And Naudia was always willing to do whatever her sister wanted, even if it meant breaking coven laws to make Odette happy."
"What provoked the attack?" The fact it had come to a coven battle at all was amazing. It just didn't happen anymore, not even in Gram's day. There were ways around destroying each other.
"I never knew," Gram said, talking around some chips. "Though she instigated it, Naudia did, and with no Enforcers in sight, I had to defend the family."
"You fought her alone." I tried to picture it, Gram standing against an entire coven to save ours.
"I did," she said, "forcing her to stand alone as well."
"She obeyed that law?" I found it hard to believe the other woman didn't cheat.
"Naudia tried to include others," she said, "but her own coven refused. I think they finally understood what she was in the end." Gram sighed. "I won, but she didn't go quietly. And it turned out she was just strong enough to do what she did." Gram looked away a moment. "I'll never forgive either of them for that."
Seventeen years of insanity while her consciousness fought for escape. I welled up, but did as I'd planned and stogged it down with another mouthful of junk food.
"You must be careful of Quaid." Gram reached out and caught my hand, squeezing my fingers insistently. "There is more happening here than you're aware of, power being weighed, plans being prepared on both sides. Until he declares himself one way or the other, he is not to be trusted. And even then..." Gram pulled away.
"You do realize that it's the most frustrating thing in the world to be told most of the information I need, but to be missing key parts?" I tried to keep my tone light, the irritation from my voice, but it was difficult. "My life is a freaking jigsaw puzzle with important pieces missing and I'm getting very tired of not being able to see the whole picture."
Gram actually grinned at me and pinched my cheek. "Welcome to family politics."
I sighed and rolled my eyes. She was about as forthcoming as Mom and that was not at all. Fine, if she wasn't going to fill me in, I could push her buttons a little. Fair is fair.
"Why didn't you show yourself?" I was actually happy to drop the Quaid thing, despite my annoyance at the usual family secret thing. He was done in my books anyway. Out of my life. I didn't think she'd believe me if I told her so I pushed on. "I thought you were looking forward to seeing her reaction."
Gram grinned suddenly, one finger touching the end of her nose like I'd asked exactly the right question. "I'm waiting for the perfect time," she cackled. I hated it when she did that.
"I'm pretty sure she knows anyway," I said, suddenly glum and hating to ruin her surprise.
"Quaid," Gram said, but her grin didn't slip. "I thought as much." She dipped in the bowl for more treats. "He won't be the same, even if he does come back to you. She owns him now."
I had a surge of powerful denial. I didn't want to believe it. Which meant he clearly wasn't out of my heart yet. Damn it.
"Trust me," she said, "I know. I've been through it."
"What do you mean?" This was new.
Gram stood, went to the fridge, came back with a couple of soft drinks for us both. She cracked hers open, taking a long swallow. She belched quite remarkably before answering.
"I too loved a witch of the Dumont family," Gram said. "Miriam and Frank's father, your grandfather, Ivan Dumont."
I jumped a little, appalled. I'd never known my grandfather. No one ever talked about him. Why had I never thought to ask? I felt a whisper of magic slide from my mind and knew.
Because I'd been told not to.
More family secrets. Lovely.
"He was their cousin, you see," Gram said, "the only son of the extended ruling family. Naudia idolized him, Odette adored him. Ivan was stunningly handsome and when he smiled, the whole world was brighter for it." Gram snorted, though there was sadness in her voice. "At least, I thought so. He denounced the Dumont clan, accepted the rule of the Hayle family when he married me. But he didn't, it turned out. He remained their toy and spy and, ultimately, it was he who betrayed me to his sisters. He told them everything, all of our weaknesses, when best to attack." She finished her drink with another long gulp, rattling the can down on the tabletop. "My love for him, the trust I felt, almost destroyed us. I believed him right down to the last moment. But I finally understood, do you see?" Her faded blue eyes were full of intent. "In the end, I had to stand alone to protect you all from my mistake."
"What happened to him?" I hugged myself, all thoughts of eating forgotten.
"He died," she said. "When Naudia did. He was feeding her power, they all were. But him most of all. They were both weaker than I was, but together they were very strong. Still, I sensed he was there, was able to cut him off from returning his spirit to his body. You can't survive that, Syd. Did you know?" Tears formed, spilled down her cheeks, ignored. "The coven fell apart then, and so did I. Poor Miriam was left to put everything back together."
"Gram," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."
She nodded slowly while I slid my chair around beside her and hugged her. Gram hugged me back, making small, sad sounds into my hair as she wept. Everything clicked for me then. I may have only been hearing about it now, almost two decades later, but for Gram it was yesterday. The pain was still gaping and raw for her, still eating away at her soul.
Gram pulled away at last, patting my hand with hers, a small smile replacing her sorrow as she swiped at her tears with the sleeve of her sweater.
"I love you, dear," she said.
"I love you too, Gram." Always, but never so much as this moment.
"Now," she said, clapping her hands together, "open up those bags you stashed in the corner and show me what you bought me."
How could I not laugh at that?
***
