Chapter 381: Shenka's Support
I took the slow way home, choosing to huddle inside my jacket in the dark, the sparkling lights of the corner trees doing little to elevate my mood. I could have simply rode the veil home again, but like my stomping trip to town hall, I needed the drawn-out foot dragging on my way back just as much.
My boot caught a clump of snow, now brown from the many car tires splashing old dirt and salt from the roadway to coat the sidewalk in ugly slush. Kind of ruined the pretty, pristine whiteness I loved.
No metaphors there or anything.
The house was quiet when I walked in, cheeks cold and hands stuffed in my pockets since I'd forgotten my gloves when I stormed out earlier. I still felt Dad downstairs, but knew I'd be spending lots of time with him in the very near future and decided to let Mom have his sole company for the evening.
Besides, they didn't need my mood dragging them down.
I'd made a promise to myself not to wallow, not to doubt myself anymore, and for the most part I was doing a good job upholding that promise. But, other times I found it really hard not to sink into my old patterns of poor me and just curl up in bed with a bag of chips and a really cheesy romance novel I could blubber over.
Instead, I slipped into my favorite yoga pants and t-shirt and sat at my desk to check my email. Among the spam offering me sexual enhancement aids and Nigerian princes asking me to rescue them, I found myself grinning at several welcomed emails.
The first was from Tippy Meeks, the well-endowed redhead I'd made friends with thanks to my college roomie, Sashenka Hensley. Her rambling emails were familiar to me, as she went on and on about which boys in her coven she had a total hunger for, how she ruined her favorite pair of heels and all about the after-Christmas shopping she was dying to do. It was enough of a distraction I was giggling at her very naughty description of the guy who lived next door to her who had the habit of leaving his curtains open if she did the same.
Oh my flaming cheeks.
The next one was from Mia, short and sweet, wishing me a happy holiday. Nothing personal, not a mention she even wrote it, one coven leader courtesy to another. It broke my heart and I fired off an answer in the same language to her just so she could keep up whatever appearances she felt she had to.
Third was from Tallah, our usual political/coven conversation continuation. I adored the leader of the Hensley coven as much as her sister, valued her outlook on the world and her insights into the future of witches once younger generations had control of the covens. There were three of the big six now in the hands of new leaders-if we could count Mia's disastrous attempts to rein in the Dumonts-so we were on a much more even keel when it came to addressing issues at Council.
Not that I was ever invited to do anything about issues at Council. Erica Plower, Mom's former second and the very person I assigned to take the Hayle coven seat, had a bad habit of treating me like her daughter too, only handing out information as she thought I needed it.
I didn't push things, partly because Gram was my co-leader and I trusted her not to let Erica run roughshod over the pair of us. Not that I didn't think Erica had our best interests at heart, but she was Mom's best friend and her allegiance was to the Council now.
The final one I saved for last, happily clicking on Sashenka's message.
I thought Mia's was short and sweet.
Skype when you're home?
I checked and found her online, immediately calling for a face-to-face.
When she answered, I beamed at her, almost bouncing in my chair I was so happy to see her. We'd gotten off to a rocky start the first of the semester, but since she let go of her need to try to impress me and the pressure her coven leader sister put on her to excel, Sashenka actually turned into a bit of a wild girl and dragged me along with her.
"Syd!" She waved with enthusiasm, her room bright behind her. She lived in California, four long hours behind me, and the sun still shone in her bedroom window, the ocean just visible on the horizon through her softly undulating curtains.
"Hey, Shenka." I rested my chin on my fists. "Man, it looks really nice there."
She glanced back over her shoulder. "Yeah, just got back from surfing." She tossed her long, black hair over her shoulder, still wet from her swim. "You have to come visit this summer. We'll have a blast."
"Done." I let out a long sigh, not meaning to, but the relief of talking to someone who knew me really well tapped into my emotions.
"Uh-oh." Her expression fell, concern all over her pretty face, dark eyes fixed on me. "You okay?"
I nodded quickly. "Yeah, fine," I said. "You put up with me dumping on you all semester. I'm not doing it now. Besides, it's nothing you haven't heard before."
Sashenka's lower lip popped out at she nodded in sympathy. "Quaid."
"And Liam." I sat back and grinned at her, though I felt like a total idiot. "Why did you let me drop all that Quaid stuff on the guy who thinks he's in love with me?"
She snorted softly, rolling her eyes, white teeth flashing against her dark skin. "Like you would have listened to me," she said. "Besides, Liam is a great shoulder." She paused. "Two shoulders, actually."
Go away, stab of jealousy. Sashenka meant her compliment in the best way.
"I know," I said. "He kind of gave it to me tonight. Finally told me he was tired of it." I let her see my guilt. "I feel terrible. Why didn't I ever think of his feelings? I'm such a jerk."
Sashenka didn't say anything for a long moment, so long I was starting to feel sorry for myself after all, despite my choice otherwise.
"It's really hard to see what's right in front of us sometimes," she finally said, voice thoughtful. "How the one we want is bad for us, but the one we need is so familiar and there all the time we don't even realize what could happen if we just let go of one and embrace the other." She flushed, pink rising to shine in her dark cheeks. "That came out stupid."
"No," I said, "it didn't." She was so right it made me want to shake myself. "You're saying I only want Quaid because I can't have him, but I don't want Liam because I can?"
Damn it. I hated psychology. Especially when the twinge in my gut said there might be something to it.
Sashenka's smile was gentle. "Just something to think about, maybe? You've been struggling with this for a while-it might be time to ask yourself why."
Like I didn't have enough to think about. I quickly filled her in on my pending visit to Dad's plane and got the same warning and concern mixed with partial excitement from her I had from Liam.
I was ready to sign off, climb into bed and try to get a good night's sleep when Sashenka stopped me.
"Syd," she said, hesitant, face scrunched as though she struggled with what she was about to say.
"Just say it," I said with a smile. "I won't take it the wrong way. I promise."
She nodded quickly and sighed. "I'm jealous," she said. "Of you and Liam. Of how much he loves you. I just wish you'd see it, too."
She hung up the video call before I could answer.
It was a long time before my churning thoughts let me finally fall asleep.
***
