Chapter 29: Good Little Witch
Despite the family's fears and my own reservations, life returned to normal. We ordered pizza for supper and hung out watching reruns of our favorite sitcoms in our pajamas. I felt like the pressure was off. I think the fact I made a decision to do something proactive for myself instead of whining about it all the time settled my mind and gave me some peace.
I didn't get much of a chance to talk to Uncle Frank about the previous night but I knew he already heard about our little agreement from Mom from the thumbs up and grin he gave me before going out with Sunny for the night.
One of those times I was going to ask him where they went.
I was almost scared to go down to the basement with my mother, but I went anyway.
"I'm not sure where to start," Mom admitted, taking a seat in the pentagram. I folded down across from her, chin on my knees.
"That sounds encouraging." Oh snap. But Mom only smiled at me.
"First things first," she said, sitting up so straight I immediately did the same. "It's been quite some time since I had a look inside your power. You've obviously developed past my previous examination." Her irony wasn't lost on me. I think I'd been twelve or so when I let her poke around in my head for the last time.
I held my breath then forced myself to let it out. "Okay," I said. "I'm ready."
Her power reached for me, just a thin thread at first, sliding inside my mind and connecting with my magic. My demon squirmed away from her, as uncomfortable with this as I was, even as the nausea rose in my gut from the wrongness of how it all felt.
"Relax, Syd," Mom's voice reached me. Only then did I realize I'd closed my eyes.
I tried, I really tried. And I knew how hard this was for her. She'd just been through a massive ordeal herself. Her power was soft around the edges as if she was having trouble keeping the thread solid, her weariness an undercurrent inside her magic.
It felt like fingers in my mind as she allowed more power to flow. Mom was very good at this, I knew from experience. She had a great talent for exploring and uncovering problems in other witch's magic. So I trusted that at least if something was wrong, she'd find it.
My demon snarled and complained but finally complied when Mom invaded her space. My mother eased my demon's anger and had her purring in moments, fed by the warmth of the family magic.
I felt Mom glide through all of the facets of my power, from my telekinesis to my powerful telepathy, the energy that controlled my link to fire and the earth magic that grounded me and fed me strength. She even uncovered air power I didn't know I had, and enough water connection that I could probably make waves on a still pond without much effort. But it was my spirit energy that shocked me the most. The white flames burned inside me, surrounding everything.
If you learn to tap into it, she said in my mind, you will never be powerless. It will feed you and keep you whole even in the most terrible circumstance. Was that a touch of envy I felt? Maybe some fear? It couldn't be. Mom was the powerhouse, not me.
When I felt her brush against the edge of my discomfort and found myself squirming away.
Mom finally sighed and retreated, her power leaving love behind as it left me.
"You're perfectly fine," she said. "I can't see anything that would prohibit you from full control of your abilities."
"I'm still having the same feelings," I admitted. "Upset stomach, dizziness. There has to be a reason."
Mom nodded. "I might know what it is. For some reason you and your demon have never fully integrated."
That was news. "What do you mean?" Even my demon was listening.
Mom shrugged. "I can't explain it," she said. "I can only tell you what I felt. Whether because you decided not to accept your magic or from a more natural cause, you aren't able to fully access and control your demon power." She looked deeply troubled. "That is the source of your lack of control and probably the cause of your discomfort when you try to use magic."
Something inside me disagreed but her reasoning seemed logical so I ignored it.
"So now what?" I assumed she had a game plan. Mom smiled, but it was a tired smile and I suddenly felt terrible for putting her through this tonight.
"We'll figure it out," she said. "For now, your priority is to work on building your shields. Controlling the flow of power past them."
Shields. I could do that. I'd been building them my whole life. Was now an expert.
I carefully erected the walls around my mind again while Mom observed, linking each layer of power to the next as I'd been taught as a child. It was the only kind of magic I ever willingly learned and the only kind that didn't trigger my nausea.
By the time I was done, Mom was smiling at me with much more enthusiasm.
I guess that meant I passed.
She assured me we'd have another lesson the next night to work on control just before kissing and hugging me and sending me to bed.
I felt good climbing between the sheets, like I'd finally done something right. My demon's grumbling was fainter now, and I understood I may have known how to build shields but never did so with conscious determination. Focusing on it made them stronger.
Good to know.
Even Sass settled on the comforter with a contented sigh. Oddly for him, he was still fast asleep next to me the when the sun woke me up.
I lay there for a little while, breathing in the peace of the house, comfortable wrapped up in my quilt. I felt rather than heard my sister wake up, realizing it was my power that felt her and Mom as they stirred to face the day. I held very still and let the magic flow around me, not fighting it, for the first time accepting it for what it was, not really sure what changed but more willing than I thought I would be to explore what having that power meant.
Until the sickening feeling came back and I had to pull away. Maybe Mom could figure it out. As for me, I just couldn't catch a break.
Sassafras stretched and studied me with one huge yellow eye.
"Finally caving, are we?"
My walls snapped up and the spare pillow slammed down. Sass leapt from the bed, hissing and spitting. He tore for the door, fluffy tail streaking behind him. He disappeared around the corner a second before the pillow hit the exact spot he had been.
Smart-aleck Persian. But his comment knocked some sense into me. It was going to be harder than that, after all. I was not going out easy, and I was most definitely not going to turn into my mother.
I made it to school with minutes to spare. Funny how being less concerned about your appearance can give you so much extra time in the morning. My locker was still clean, and no attempts were made to trip me up or dump my books on the floor. The looks I received weren't nearly as friendly as they had been on Wednesday after the whole Alison incident, but at least the bullying stopped.
That was all I asked for.
There wasn't even any backlash about the whole gym thing, which surprised me more. No freak comments, no notes with 'weirdo' passed in class. Nothing. Nada.
Wicked.
My whole emotional state was up all day. I had gotten away with it, after all. See ya, bullies. So long, retribution. Ta-ta, torture. And now that I decided to stop fighting my mother... well, maybe things were looking up for good old Syd after all.
One could hope.
Things were going so well, I made a mental note to be assertive right from day one at my next school. I was never going through this again. I did feel a little pang of regret I snubbed the outcasts, though, but not enough to encourage them to give it another try. I avoided Simon's eyes when we met in the hallway. I felt like a coward afterward.
It was for the best. At least, that's what I kept telling myself.
Still, it seemed kind of weird after I thought about it for a while to be rejecting the first people who ever attempted to make friends with me at any school I had ever gone to.
Old habits, I guess.
When the last bell rang, I was still in a reasonably happy mood. So much in fact, I took my time at my locker instead of the typical hurried rush to escape the hell that had become my life. I hung back and waited for the people next to me to finish before trying to get in. It was a lot nicer that way, lots of room. I decided this would be my new end of day routine.
I closed the door and turned, barely keeping myself from running into Brad.
He held out both hands, a sweet smile on his face. We laughed.
"Nice save," I said.
"You too," he replied.
"Thought you were mad at me," I leaned against my locker, feeling comfortable with him. Why had I ever felt intimidated? He was a guy. A really cute guy, but geez, he was just a person.
"Really?" He seemed surprised. "Wow, Syd. Sorry if you had that impression. And here I thought you were mad at me."
"For what?" I asked.
"Not defending you," he said. He blushed.
Oh yeah, right. His smart-ass friends and their dirty mouths. Funny, it didn't seem so important anymore.
"It's okay," I said, just relieved we were cool.
"I was so angry with Alison," he told me. "I found out what she did to you. Because of me. I'm really sorry, Syd."
"Is she okay?" I asked him. "She wasn't in school Wednesday or yesterday." I saw her earlier, though, but she refused to make eye contact and hurried past me in the hall.
"Yeah," he said. "I think she got a, what do you call that, a rude awakening." He grinned at me. "There are a lot of rumors going around about you, Syd, not like I listen or anything." He ran one hand through his glossy hair and I was lost. Okay, hormones still in existence. "I don't know what you said to her that day, but she's been different ever since. Nice to people, you know? Whatever it was, thanks. You've made everyone's lives a lot easier."
I smiled back, feeling better about the whole thing. I did something right, I guess.
"I'm glad she's okay," I said.
"So, I was wondering, maybe we could, you know, go out sometime?" He seemed nervous. I wanted to laugh. Brad Peters was nervous asking me out. Would wonders never cease?
"I'd like that," I answered.
"Great!" He seemed relieved. He paused and looked at me funny. "You're different, too, aren't you? Something's changed."
"Stopped trying to be someone I'm not," I told him. "Does wonders."
"I guess," he said. "So, how about Sunday night? At Johnny's? Six? Or would you rather go to a movie?" He seemed eager to make sure I approved of his plans.
"Johnny's is fine," I said. "Six on Sunday. I'll see you then."
"Okay," he said. "See you, Syd."
Brad started away backwards, waving. He almost tripped and grinned at me before turning around and walking off.
Wow. How cool was that?
I pushed away from my locker, not even trying to stop smiling. I was still smiling, in fact, when I left school and continued to grin like an idiot all the way home.
Not even the smugly smirking Quaid Moromond, watching me from his usual lurk in the halls, could kill my mood.
I arrived at the end of my driveway to find Alison Morgan sitting on my porch. Instant smile killer.
I stared, not caring that I stared. I glanced around but she was alone. I approached. As I came closer, she stood up.
"Hi, Syd," she said.
"Hi," I said.
"Can I talk to you?" She hugged herself. She seemed a lot smaller than I remembered. Tiny really, petite. Why had I been so afraid of her?
"Sure," I said. "Want a cookie?"
She seemed startled. "Thanks."
I walked into the kitchen with her following behind me, wondering if it was okay to turn my back on her or if this was just an act. Nothing sharp landed between my shoulder blades while I fetched the cookie can and two glasses from the cupboard, so I figured I was safe enough. I grabbed the milk from the fridge and sat, popping open the carton before pouring.
Alison dropped into the chair next to me. She took a cookie from the tin. She turned it over and over in her hand for so long it went way past uncomfortable into wretched.
"How did you know?" She blurted. I almost choked on my milk and had to struggle not to cough.
"About what?" I asked when I was able.
"About me," she whispered.
I was still in the dark. "I don't know what you mean."
"You offered to talk to me about it," she said. Her voice was so strained I could feel the pain in it.
Okay, this I hadn't been expecting.
"Um, all right," I said.
Alison set the untouched cookie on the table and folded her hands in her lap. Her fingers fidgeted together as she spoke.
"You're right about me," she said. "That I treat people the way I do because of what my life is like. I'm sorry, by the way," she tried an apologetic look. "Really. I was so mean to you. I've been so mean to everyone, I'm surprised any of them will even talk to me."
Either she was a really great actress, I mean Oscar worthy, or she was seeing the error of her nasty ways and I brought it on. Despite the fact she was my mortal enemy only moments before, at least in my eyes, the new trust I was working on stretched out and enveloped Alison as well.
"Apology accepted," I said.
She almost beamed at me.
"Thanks, Syd," she said, and it seemed like she meant it.
"So, what was it?" I asked. Now that the danger was really past, I couldn't help being curious.
"That made me a bitch?" She laughed with a bitter tone hard to miss.
"Sorry," I said. She shook her head.
"It's okay," she tossed her perfect blonde hair back from her beautiful face. "I know it. Knew it when I was doing it. It seemed... like the only thing I did well, you know?"
"I doubt that's true," I said. "Not often a junior gets elected head of the cheer squad over a senior."
"Only if you humiliate the rest of them into giving you what you want," she said, wincing a little.
"Guess that would do it," I answered.
We both laughed.
"Sometimes I worry... if I don't make people like me..."
"They won't like you at all," I finished for her.
"Yeah," she whispered. A tear traced down her cheek. She wiped at it. I didn't say anything. "I guess I always made people be my friend instead of trying to just be me and see if they wanted to."
"It's never too late," I said.
Her laugh was harsh. "Yeah, right. Like anyone is going to want to hang out with me anymore. They asked me to leave the cheer squad."
Ouch. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not," she lifted her chin. "My mom was pretty mad, but only because no daughter of hers can ever be unpopular. My dad patted my head on his way out to another meeting."
"They don't get it," I shook my head.
"Tell me about it." She toyed with the cookie on the table.
"They have this big plan for us from, like, birth," I said, "and if we show even one little bit of individuality, they freak and push harder."
"I didn't know you were living with my parents," she laughed.
"Oh, you have no idea what I live with," I rolled my eyes.
"So how do you do it?" She stared at me now with expectation. I don't know if she sought 'The Answer' or an answer. I felt responsible, but also really proud of her.
"Honestly," I said, "if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have found out how to stop being a sheep. So I should be thanking you."
She made a face. "Come on, Syd," she said. "I tortured you and made the whole school torture you too."
"And pushed me into standing up for myself instead of just taking it like I used to." I meant what I said. Because of Alison Morgan, I started to pull my life together and find out who I really was. And like myself, for a change.
"You're welcome," she grinned, dimples flashing.
"So now what?" I asked her.
"I don't know," Alison admitted. "I don't even know how to act anymore. I'm feeling a little lost, here. But I have to tell you, for some reason I feel a whole lot better now that I'm not juggling a bunch of people all the time. Weird, I thought being alone would be scary, but it's okay."
She seemed so lost, so fragile and delicate. I reached out to her out of pure empathy.
"I'm a little low on friends myself, lately," I said.
Hope lit her eyes. "Seriously? You would be my friend after everything I did?"
I shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen? I figure it only gets better from here. Besides, if you ever backslide, at least I know I can kick your butt."
She laughed and I laughed with her.
"I'll consider myself warned. Syd," she said. "About Brad..."
"He asked me out, Alison." I wanted to be up front.
She seemed relieved and let out a long breath. "Good."
"You're not mad?"
She shook her head. "Are you kidding? I've known Brad since kindergarten. He's more like a brother to me than anything. It was my mother's idea that I date him. Captain of the football team and all that. He's a great guy, Syd," she said. "Don't break his heart, okay?"
"Okay," I said.
Mom chose exactly then to enter the kitchen.
"Syd, honey," she set one hand on my shoulder, smiling at Alison. "Who's your friend?"
As I introduced them I realized Mom eavesdropped on our conversation. She knew exactly who Alison was. Or rather, had been.
"Nice to meet you, Ms. Hayle," Alison's cheeks flushed rosy. I figured she knew Mom was in on the whole mess and didn't blame her for blushing. "I have to go, Syd."
"Please, don't run on my behalf," Mom said.
Alison's blush faded as she smiled, the warmth of it lighting her eyes. She could be quite sweet when she wasn't being nasty.
"My mother is expecting me, ma'am," she said. "But maybe I could come back? To study sometime?"
"Yeah, okay."
Alison was at the door when she turned back.
"Thanks, Syd," she said. "See ya."
I turned to my mother as Alison disappeared through the back door. I was met with a huge hug.
"That was a wonderful thing you did for that young woman," Mom said.
Maybe. But I had the feeling I did a great thing for myself, too.
Alison Morgan was going to be my friend. Imagine that.
***
