Chapter 55: All My Fault
I tried not to shiver but was losing the battle. Something about that much negative magic along with a chilly late April night proved enough to cut me to the bone and I was so wrung out I didn't have enough energy to even really care.
So I gave up the effort and stood and shook, hugging myself and clenching my teeth against the steady rattle as I watched Mom, Uncle Frank and Sunny do a tour of where the party had so recently been.
I was right they already knew and didn't need us to tell them we were in trouble. In fact, Quaid and I just barely caught our breath when Uncle Frank, carrying my mother, landed next to us.
"Syd." Mom had been breathless despite the fact Uncle Frank had done the flying, panting with the need to reach me. She crouched close and hugged me hard. "Thank goodness you're all right." She latched on to Quaid and drew him in as well. "We came the moment we felt it."
I heard the rustling hiss of another vampire and looked up. Sunny settled on the grass with Erica Plower, my mom's best friend and second-in-command, in her arms.
Erica presently stood next to me, physically there but mentally gone as she reached out to the rest of the coven to show them what Mom saw. Gave me the creeps, but whatever. After what I witnessed I guess a little case of the creeps wasn't so bad.
I glanced over at Quaid who pulled his hand free of mine as soon as Mom and the others arrived. He then retreated to sit quietly on his motorcycle, fists shoved in the back pockets of his leather jeans, face dark and blank. The ever-present smirk was missing and I found I actually worried about him.
Since he refused to meet my eyes, I gave up trying to tell if he was okay and went back to my own misery. And, boy was I miserable. After all, whatever happened, it was my fault. I should have turned around immediately after feeling the first surge and gone for Mom, or at least reached out to her so she would know something was up. And it was my power, wasn't it, that raised the damned thing in the first place? Maybe if I had been more in control of myself, if I hadn't gone to the party, Suzanne wouldn't be on her way to the hospital in the back seat of a coven member's car.
The moment she knew we were okay and had her hug fix, Mom started asking questions.
"What did it look like? What kind of power fed it? Where did it come from?"
I stumbled through my answers, Quaid barely more coherent than I was.
"I don't know," I said, voice shaking. "Mom, it came out of nowhere."
"From the ground." Quaid's words vibrated. At least I wasn't the only one.
"It felt familiar." I glanced at him and he nodded.
I was still a limp disaster who didn't have one clue where to start. Mom must have known we were too shaken to be of much use yet, because she bent over me, pressing a kiss to my forehead I didn't have the strength to be embarrassed about, and went immediately to Suzanne. I felt Uncle Frank and Sunny's hands slide through my hair as they passed, wondering at my family's need to touch me and deciding they just wanted physical reassurance I was okay.
In the meantime, Mom went to examine the softly moaning Suzanne and I could feel her power surrounding and soothing the girl into sleep.
"Miriam," Erica's words were almost drowned out by the arrival of a handful of cars pulling into the clearing as an assortment of coven members arrived to help with damage control. "How is she?"
Mom glanced at me before answering. "She'll be fine."
She was such a liar.
I stayed on the ground, feeling the cold from the earth seeping into my bones and wanting to cry. The last of the negative magic had faded by then, unable to stand against my mother's power. But I could still feel the residual effects in my body and wondered if I would ever feel clean again.
Erica sighed next to me and relaxed, sinking down into a crouch to look me in the eyes. Her blonde bob tucked neatly behind her ears and her coordinated jogging suit seemed somehow obscene in the face of what happened. How could the world look so ordinary when something so horrible lived in it?
Erica offered her perfectly manicured hand to help me up, but I shook my head and decided to try it myself.
"Don't be stubborn, Syd," she said as I struggled to get my legs under me.
"Why change now?" I made it to a shaky standing position. I mentally felt myself all over, knowing I was okay but wanting to be sure. Even my demon seemed subdued and that rarely happened.
And, naturally, my butt was wet from the grass. Crappy. I just hoped it was dew and not some other body fluid someone at the party had been forced to part with.
I saw Mom and Frank exchange a quiet few words before looking over at me. My heart sank even further if possible. Idiot! Quaid was right. What had I been thinking? And what did I release? I continued the internal beating, unable to stop, spiraling down further and further into self-hate and despair.
I knew this would have to be the last straw for me in the coven's eyes. I had too many instances of rebellion and leaking power on normals for them to let this whopper go. I was suddenly afraid of what might happen to me. I suffered images of High Council Enforcers swooping down on Wilding Springs and burning me at the stake.
By the time Mom and Uncle Frank made it to me, I had myself so worked up I could barely think. If I could have physically moved, I think I would have run.
I jumped at strong hands on my shoulders as Sunny hugged me from behind.
"Relax, Syd," she whispered to me. "It's okay."
I had no idea if she knew what thoughts circled or if she just understood I was freaked out by what happened, but her soft voice in my ear and her arms around me helped me find my way from frantic animal panic to moderate terror.
I thought it was an improvement.
I looked down at the ground, not wanting to meet my mother's eyes as she and Uncle Frank approached. It took me a moment to register the mess the party left behind. I absorbed myself in looking around at the multitude of beer cans, liquor bottles, cigarette packs and condom wrappers strewn around the clearing.
Ew.
By the time Mom came to a halt beside me, I felt calm, my heart back under control, no longer on the edge of blacking out from hyperventilation. Nothing like a dose of disgusting to bring things into perspective. I looked up at her and saw the sympathy in her eyes. And, oddly enough considering what I had done, pride.
"Are you all right, honey?" Mom reached for me and all of a sudden Sunny couldn't let go of me fast enough. I hugged my mother so hard I made her gasp. She hugged me back, stroking my hair and for once I didn't care how embarrassing it might look.
In that moment, I just wanted my mom.
"You did very well tonight," she whispered. "It's okay, Syd. You did everything you could."
I pulled back from her, horrified she could even say that to me. What, was she delusional? I fully expected Erica and a bully-squad of witches to arrest me on the spot while Miriam smiled at me to keep me quiet.
"I screwed up!" I knew I was out of control emotionally, but didn't care. "I totally screwed up, Mom, it's my fault!"
My mother seemed very confused and I wondered at her acting ability until I noticed Erica, Uncle Frank and Sunny all had the same look on their faces.
"Syd," Mom said. "What are you talking about?"
I clenched my teeth, holding back the tears wanting to wrench themselves free, struggling with the truth and the telling of it. They really had no idea.
"I felt it." I hated the weakness in my voice making it shake and crack. "And I didn't do anything about it. My power must have called it or something. Mom," I could barely see her waver in front of me as the tears won, "I swear I didn't do it on purpose. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I started to sob, big, massive heaving cries, feeling like they were tearing me apart. My demon howled within me, pouring out her own regret. I started to collapse again, not caring now that the truth came out.
My mother's strong hands gripped my upper arms and shook me so hard I had to focus. Her beautiful face shone wet with her own tears, not her false get-what-she-wants-through-guilt tears, but real ones, for me.
Dull fear thudded against my ribcage, the truth so clear I felt it like a second heartbeat. She knew now, and would have to turn me in. No wonder she cried.
"Syd, honey," she said, sealing my doom, "it wasn't you."
There it was. I would burn at the stake, my power drained to feed the flames and cleanse the coven of my bad influence. I wondered if Meira would try to save me. Or Sassy. I hoped they would let me see my dad one more time. Harry would try to convince them to let me go but I knew there was nothing he could do.
"Syd," Mom said again. "Did you hear me?"
I nodded, miserable. Of course I heard her.
Didn't I?
"It wasn't your fault," she said. "Syd, you didn't raise it."
Hang on. Huh? I felt like she slapped me and punched me in the stomach at the same time. I didn't?
"But..." I shook my head, sobs forgotten, shock making me slow and wobbly. "But..."
Mom hugged me again and this time I felt her magic surround me, her love and pride a tangible thing around us.
"You saved that girl," she said, "and probably the rest of your friends at the same time. If you hadn't been here, whatever that thing was would have killed them all."
She let me go, but not before gifting me with some of her power. Instantly I felt better, stronger, more stable. And as the full realization of what she said hit me, I cried again, but this time in relief.
The other truth came to me at the same time.
"It wasn't just me," I said. "Quaid..."
"We know." Mom looked over my shoulder. I turned to see Quaid quietly joined us and stood very close. "The two of you saved a lot of lives tonight, including your own. Well done."
Quaid finally met my eyes, but his were still shrouded. He held my gaze for a heartbeat before turning to Mom.
"Then where did it come from if it wasn't us?" A part of me clenched as I realized Quaid had been thinking the exact same thoughts as me, blaming himself for raising the thing. Could it be we were way more alike than I wanted to admit? I sent him a thread of power with my demon's full cooperation and to my surprise he didn't reject it.
Mom sighed and I knew what she had to say would be hard for him.
"I'm afraid your parents are to blame." She held his eyes. "I can feel the residue of their power still."
Quaid's parents, Batsheva and Dominic Moromond, were the traitors who tried to destroy our coven from the inside out. Using negative magic, they infiltrated and compromised our family and almost succeeded in taking over. But, with Quaid's help, we defeated them the previous fall.
"Does this mean they're back?" Quaid's voice sounded soft but steady, hands firmly buried in the back pockets of his leather jeans.
That would suck. But, Mom shook her head.
"No, Quaid. Whatever Batsheva and Dominic did, whatever they stirred up, it happened last year when they were with us. The power used to examine this area is old, at least six months. But, it seems like they somehow sensed what was here even when we didn't and tried to raise it themselves." My mother's face grew pinched and she looked away, now in her own guilt. "We missed this when we came, missed the old power buried here. And frankly, that is my fault."
Erica made a noise in protest, but Mom silenced her.
"I take full responsibility. This should never have been allowed to happen. But, it has and now we need to deal with it." Mom smiled at me a little. "I need you both to tell me exactly what happened and what you felt."
The sun hovered, close to rising by the time Quaid and I recounted our evening. I was surprised to learn Quaid felt something on entering the clearing but ignored it, too. We both confirmed what Mom and Frank already guessed, though. The thing was ancient.
"It feels weak, yet," Uncle Frank said. "It's been buried for a long time and hopefully we'll find it again before it gathers enough strength to be a problem."
"Any idea who originally buried it?" Erica channeled to the coven again and I knew the question could have come from anyone.
"None," Sunny said, "though to us it feels ancient."
"How can you not identify it?" Erica's voice had a masculine timbre to it.
"We're all getting the impression it's something we've never encountered before," Uncle Frank said. "And the signature of the thing is so weak, it's hard to come to any conclusions."
I could hear the frustration in his voice and knew it bothered him. No answers meant no plan.
"Unacceptable." The same male voice. Hearing it from Erica's lips made me want to look away. "There must be some way to discover its origins."
"Not so far." Mom's two cents silenced whoever argued with Uncle Frank.
"Can we track it?" Erica had taken her voice back.
Uncle Frank and Sunny exchanged a look with Mom. "We can try." He shook his head. "The trouble is, the residue of the blood magic. It doesn't affect vampires as much as witches, but it might as well have thrown a stink bomb across its trail. The feeling of the negative power is so strong it blots out everything."
"You think it did it on purpose?" My eyes drifted to the dark stain by the fire where Suzanne's blood fell.
Uncle Frank looked so grim he actually didn't seem human any longer, for a moment dropping the veneer of handsome boyishness he created so very well. "Both for power and to hide itself, yes. I think so."
"Then it's intelligent," another male voice spoke through Erica.
"We can only assume so." Sunny's hand found Uncle Frank's. It was odd to see them need comfort.
"Whatever it is," Uncle Frank said, "it's been trapped under the earth for quite a while."
"And the spell holding it?" The masculine voice was back and I started to wonder if Erica ever tired of being a telephone.
"Unrecognizable after all this time," Mom said. "It too is like no magic any of us has ever seen."
"Our blood clan leader might be of some assistance here," Sunny said. "He is quite old himself, and a scholar of magic lore. I could ask him to have a look."
"I don't think more outside involvement is necessary, do you, Miriam?" This female voice rang stronger than the rest and I recognized Celeste Oberman's tone. She stood third in line for coven power and the most outspoken against Uncle Frank and Sunny. It always annoyed me even witches who lived outside the norm could still be bigots.
"I think we can use all the help we can get." Mom shut down Celeste's little rebellion immediately. "Sunny, we would appreciate it if you would ask."
"So what now?" Erica's voice went back to the masculine, but a softer tone this time, slightly accented in Spanish. Had to be Martin Vega. The sweet man was a voice of calm and reason.
"We have no choice but to wait and see," Mom said. "None of us can feel it anymore which means tracking it isn't an option. It is quite possible whatever it is has gone. We will of course keep a close eye on this area, but for all we know it burned itself out."
"You will alert the High Council?" Celeste sounded testy after being publicly reprimanded.
"Of course," Mom said. "Immediately. In any case, we will continue to monitor the situation and if it returns, we will deal with it ourselves." She turned to Uncle Frank and Sunny. "In the meantime, we would appreciate all the information we can find." Erica came back to herself for the last time as I felt her sever the connection.
"Do you really think it's gone?" She seemed worried.
"I don't know," my mother said. "But we have more serious immediate concerns, at any rate."
"Such as?" Uncle Frank asked.
"The large group of teenagers who witnessed magic," Mom said.
"They didn't see much," Quaid said. I nodded in agreement.
"At the most," I said, "they saw Suzanne freak out, which could be explained by the drugs and alcohol, and the fire explosion."
"Easy enough to suggest some drunk kid accidentally put something in it they shouldn't have," Quaid said.
Mom nodded as we spoke. "You're sure?"
I was pretty confident. None of the kids stuck around after the power released them. Quaid nodded once in agreement.
Mom sighed softly and smiled.
"That's good news. We'll check around, but I'll feel better knowing for sure."
I hugged myself as the horizon brightened.
"Uncle Frank," I said.
"I know. We're going. Miriam, we'll do what we can and see you tonight."
Mom nodded as Frank and Sunny flew off in the opposite direction of the sunrise. My mother came to me and offered her arms. I stepped into them and let her hold me, the heat of her power doing way more than warming me up.
"I'm just glad you two are okay," Mom said.
"Me too," I said.
"We'll see," Quaid answered. I looked over at him where he stood a little apart from us, head down, face hard in the new light of morning.
"Quaid," Mom held out one hand to him. He looked up at the offer and I think he almost took it. But, in the end his pain burned stronger than his desire to belong.
Sound familiar?
"What will happen to me?" His voice was subdued and I knew he remained in his blame cycle, circling around and around in his head.
"Nothing, Quaid," Mom reassured him. "Why do you think otherwise?"
"Guilt by association," he said.
My mother didn't get a chance to answer. Quaid was already on the move, his long legs making short work of the walk to his bike. I considered going after him, but Mom's arms tightened as he pulled on his helmet and started the motorcycle.
"Leave him be," she said. "He needs to figure this out alone, Syd."
Was she right? I wasn't so sure. But, regardless of how I felt and my demon's demands to go after him, I simply watched him leave.
Why was it suddenly so hard to just let him go?
***
