15: I will be loved

**Tristan**

"What do you mean Markus is dead?" I asked Oliver again as I began shrugging on my red satin dress. He raised his brow at me as he watched me fiddle with the straps of the dress from the screen of my laptop.

"Are you going somewhere tonight?" He asked.

"I'll answer you when you answer me. How did Markus die?" I asked, frustrated.

Oliver sighed and finally answered my question. "There was an incident yesterday. Markus, the lonely prick he was, organised an appointment with a Vixen. When he met her, he discovered that she didn't have a pack and assumed she was a rogue. He wanted to know if there were more like her, but she refused to tell him. He tried to get information out of her the way we usually do-"

"Torture," I uttered, familiar with the process. Oliver nodded and I took a seat in front of my laptop as I began combing through my hair. "Unfortunately... or fortunately, whichever way you see it, Lucien caught wind of the situation and arrived there before any real damage could have been done to the girl. Lucien tortured and killed Markus."

And then everything fell silent as I let that piece of information sink in. My mate killed a member of my pack. I couldn't believe it, and I couldn't believe the absolute *stupidity* of Markus. He was careless and clearly had paid for his incompetence. And so, it wasn't his death that worried me, but rather who killed him and how.

"Lucien wouldn't have gotten any information from him... right Oliver?" I panicked, wondering if maybe I'd gotten today's silent treatment all wrong.

But Oliver shook his head and then said, "Judging by that dress you're wearing for tonight, Markus must have kept his mouth shut like we taught him."

"Good," I uttered. The last thing I needed was Lucien having the upper hand on me. The only thing I still worried about, was his knowledge of Markus at all. Lucien was apparently not as stupid as I first assumed, and if he dug too much, he'd eventually find out exactly who I was... and then we'd all be screwed. I'd have to stay closer to him, now more than ever to make sure I knew what he knew at all times.

"By the way, I sent you the picture of Markus' dead body. Thought you should see what it looks like when someone leaves a murdered victim as clean as possible."

I growled, angry that he brought up my sloppiness. I wasn't particularly tidy when it came to my victims. Slowly I checked my phone and clicked on the picture of Markus, surprised to say the least. Lucien had drowned him before he had time to heal and so I still saw the remnants of the brutal torture that had been inflicted. It must have been excruciating and I was, in fact, impressed at how clean the body was left. All but a message remained on his chest.

"Vixen King. Classy. Who does he think he is?" I asked as I started applying a bit of make-up to my face.

"It's a message, to protect his Vixens. Lucien sees them as his own. The Vixens are, in essence his pack, so if you mess with one of them, you mess with him." Oliver said. It seemed Oliver reacted more positively to Lucien than he did to any other member of his family, and I soon grew curious as to why.

"What makes Lucien so... tolerable to you?" I asked him. Oliver smiled and then let out a little chuckle.

"When I was cast out of the family for being the natural asshole that I was, and am, he was still there for me. He never looked at me like I was some kind of rat or *thing*. In fact, for a while he took me in and took care of me... before I found out my uncle was still in existence."

"So, you feel indebted to him for helping you?"

"Not indebted," Oliver said, "grateful."

I kept silent for a while before I asked, "What's the difference?"

Oliver sighed and then said, "Well one day when you have someone care for you when no one else wants to, you'll find out."

I was about to ask another question when the time at the corner of my laptop screen caught my eye.

"Oh fuck! I'm going to be late!" I uttered. Haphazardly I began clutching at things- lip gloss, keys, ID and a switchblade for emergencies- and stuffed the items into a handbag of mine.

"Don't forget the condoms!" Oliver shouted out.

He honestly had a death wish.

"Condoms? Really?"

"Yes."

"Look, it's just dinner. You can't honestly think that Lucien would-"

"Trust me Tiger, I know my cousin like the back of my mind. The only thing he's interested in is fucking."

But I wasn't, I couldn't be. My job was not to become Lucien's casual sex partner. My job was to make him love me and I wouldn't stop until I'd done just that.

***

**Lucien**

Tristan Creed still remained an enigma to me, perhaps now more than ever. How could someone change their mind so quickly, and how could I have agreed to her so easily? Perhaps it was what she said to me and how she said it. I did feel like a third wheel around my brother and Jasmine, and I hated it. I'd never been ashamed of my feelings for Jasmine, but nowadays, I found them to be more of a burden than anything else. They were a constant reminder that I was alone. But perhaps Tristan was my answer. I doubted I'd ever love the woman, and I wondered if she'd ever love me. My assumption was that she too was as lonely as I was… or maybe there was something more sinister at play. Nonetheless, I saw her as a perfect opportunity to stop feeling so tormented by my unrequited love for Jasmine.

"So, you asked her out on a date... at your place?" Jasmine asked.

"Well, I wanted to get to know Tristan better." I said.

When I said this, Jasmine's face fell, and her eyes widened. "I'm sorry, what did you say her name was?"

"Tristan, Tristan Creed. Do you know her?" I asked.

She stayed silent for a moment, and I grew a little weary at the look on her face. But then she let out a sudden sigh and her face brightened, as though she'd completely discarded the thoughts that had previously occupied her mind. "Tristan Creed, you say. No, I'm afraid I haven't met her before."

She then smiled and asked, "What's she like?"

"She's nothing like you." It slipped from my mouth and immediately I regretted it. Jasmine, however, didn't react in the way I expected her to. Instead, she reached out a hand towards me and I immediately gazed up into her beautiful blue eyes, taken aback by the compassion radiating from it. "Lucien, you can't expect to love anyone if you keep on comparing them to me. And yes, I know that you love me still, and I don't hold it against you. But I think you're confused about the love you feel towards me. This woman, Tristan, she must be someone extraordinary to be mated to you. But it's not fair to her if you're going to keep on looking for me in her. And maybe you don't love her now, maybe you don't even like the woman, but love doesn't work like that. I never loved Damon when I first met him. In fact, I pretty much almost hated him in the beginning of our relationship. Yes, some people fall in love at first sight. Some people meet someone and immediately know that they've met the one. And some people, people like you and I, have been so damaged by life and the blows it's dealt to us that we find it difficult to love and let people in. I'm not saying that you don't love me. I'm saying that you rely on me too much. I'm your crutch, I've always been. You depend on me because you think that if you don't have me occupying your thoughts, if you don't tell yourself that you *love* me, then you'll truly be alone. You've mistaken actual love for the idea of love. You've mistaken affection for obsession. And you've mistaken me for your mate. I can't promise you you'll fall in love with her. All I know is that I never believed in fate or mates before I met Damon. Perhaps you'll believe too once you stop comparing your mate to me."

When she was done, the both of us just sat in silence. I was sure that she meant well with what she said but I couldn't understand. No, that was a lie. The truth was that I didn't *want* to understand. And so, I got up from my seat, turned towards the door and left wordlessly. I didn't even turn back once, not even when Jasmine called out for me. If me loving her was such a burden to her and Damon, then I'd just have to pretend not to. Tristan was right, I was pathetic, and so the only choice I had left was to use her. Perhaps if I made her love me, I'd have just one reason not to love Jasmine.

And so, I vowed then and there that I'd seduce her. I'd seduce Tristan and have her wrapped around my finger. Because if I wasn't allowed to love, then I'd sure as hell find a way to be loved instead.