I love you
I had no idea how to answer Damon, in fact, I could not answer him at all. The truth was, I had truly never thought about a family, children, a husband... all of those things seemed so out of reach for me that I'd buried the idea of them along with my short-lived childhood.
Damon soon saw the uncertainty on my face and immediately I saw the guilt form all over his.
"I-I... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be so... upfront, especially so soon in our relationship. Goddess, I'm so insensitive, way to go Damon, scaring off Jasmine because you want commitment and kids and..."
He kept rambling on for about ten minutes and all I could do was stare at him very amused as he paced in front of me. Eventually, however, I was afraid that he was going to run out of oxygen and so I interrupted him.
"It's okay Damon. You didn't ask the wrong questions, and you didn't ask them too soon either. We've known each other for a while now and... of course those things are especially important considering that we're mates but I just... I don't know. I'm not sure I can give you what you're asking for, at least not now with all that's happening. I mean your brother and Macy. Imagine bringing a child into a world where we're being tormented by those two? It’s a recipe for disaster and if I were ever to have children, I’d want them to grow up in some sort of stability."
Damon bit his lip and then nodded. "You're right, and I'm sorry for the pressure. It was stupid of me."
I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his torso. "No, it wasn't. Just give me some time okay?"
"Okay... and even if you don't want to have kids or... marry me, then it won't make a difference to me. As long as you're in my life, that's all I need. Because I lo-"
But I cut him off with a kiss before he could even utter those words. He was clearly startled but, within a few moments, began wrapping his arms around my body and kissing me slowly.
I could not hear it... no, that wasn't the reason for the kiss. The reason was more selfish than that. I couldn't say it back. And it was then that I realised just how much I'd been holding myself back from Damon. I couldn't agree to marrying him, I couldn't agree to children and now... I could not even tell him that I loved him. All Damon had ever done for me was show me exactly how he felt and what he wanted. He'd sacrificed for me, he'd listened to me, he'd given me my freedom and yet, I could not even utter the four words I knew he was itching to utter to me. I couldn't say them, and I had no clue why. All I did know was that it was making me doubt myself. This feeling of doubt became stuck in my head from the time we were in the mall until we reached home and there, it grew all the stronger. It had grown so strong that I began to lay in bed awake, hating myself for not giving Damon as much as he'd given me.
"Jasmine, come closer." I heard Damon utter next to me. But I didn't want him to touch me, not when I was feeling so bad about what I'd said.
"Jasmine?" He uttered again, and then began to near me, so I immediately crawled out of bed and faced away from him.
"Are you okay?"
I wasn't going to cry... I refused. But obviously, my body did not give a damn about my refusal, and slowly I began to feel the tears cascading down my face and my body began jerking. "I'm not okay. Why can't I just say yes... why can't I just say..."
"Say what?"
I shook my head no, and then wrapped my arms around myself. I heard Damon shift behind me, and I was literally on the brink of running away when his arms snaked around my body, only making the tears worse.
"Jasmine, talk to me. I'm listening."
"That's the problem-" I finally turned around to face him. His face looked so sad and concerned and it honestly scared me half to death. "You're so perfect. You're always listening and always doing what I ask. You even know the exact words to say to me, and here I am being a demanding bitch who can't even hear those four words because she can't even say it back. You've sacrificed so much for me, but I've sacrificed nothing and made no compromises for you. Do I even deserve you Damon? Do I-"
"I love you." It left his mouth in no less than a whisper and floated in the air, never once allowing the room to fall silent. He'd said it, the four words and I began shaking in his grip.
"Y-you said it... why."
"Because... it needed to be said. Because you need to understand it. I love you Jasmine, and that's why you don't need to feel bad about all of the things I do for you. I do them because I want to, because I love you. I'll love you today, tomorrow and for years and years from now. I won't stop loving you, so you don't have to worry about not being able to say it back. I can wait for as long as you need." By now he'd completely consumed my body with his own, cradling me in his warm embrace and his gentleness. Again, he knew exactly what to say to me, but I couldn't help but continue to be difficult.
"Why do you love me?"
"Do I need a reason? Love that has reasons attached is the same as love with conditions. Once the reasons run out so does the love and all that's left behind is hate. But, if it will make you feel better, let me name a few. Firstly, you're a strong, independent woman who never once took any of my bullshit. Second, you have a big, kind heart made of pure gold. Third... and probably the most important reason, you saved me from becoming my father. Do you need me to go on, because I think we'll be here all night."
I looked up at him and smiled before shaking my head no. He smirked and gently wiped my tears away before kissing my cheeks. "Good. I don't ever want you thinking that you don't deserve me, because, if anything, it's me who doesn't deserve you. And about before, as I said, I'm alright with no kids and no marriage as long as you're by my side. Besides, it's still early in our relationship, who knows where life will take us? Now-" he picked me up and began walking to the bed, "why don't we go to sleep, hmm? Then tomorrow... we tackle that letter, together."
Slowly he tucked me in and then got under the sheets as well. Thereafter, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close to his body before saying, "I love you, and I can and will wait until you say it back to me."
And I would... eventually. But for now, I’d just let myself replay those words, “I love you” in my head.
He loved me, Damon Michaels loved me.
Little did I know that these words would become crucial to my sanity and his, especially considering what was to come next.
----
Short and sweet! Also, question, can I please have a Damon too!
Stay safe! Stay healthy! Sending all my love! And thank you for all the lovely goodluck wishes, again I have the BEST READERS EVER, and I appreciate and love you all!
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