38: Distance

**Tristan**

I stared at him for a while, trying to figure out an answer to all those questions. There was still so much I was uncertain of. For starters, I was uncertain of whether or not Lucien was truly in love with my sister. And then there was the matter of my "feelings" for him. What were they and how could I be sure I wasn't just merely infatuated with him and the idea of pleasure I associated him with? Yes, I admittedly enjoyed being in his company more than I should have, and would rather see him alive and annoying than dead and even more annoying, but were those considered "feelings" or was it all a side-effect from the mate bond? Next was Damon. Although he was cold and distant to most people, he was truly a kind and gentle man when he was around his family, and he'd been kind enough to let his walls down around me, a stranger... all because I was his mate's sister. He truly did love her, more than I'd seen anyone love another person. Could I honestly take him away from her when she loved him just as much? And how could such a gentle man have ever been capable of killing Ambrose's wife? Lastly was the fact of my sister being pregnant. It was clear that she and Damon were trying to start a family together and now, after all of the hardships my sister had endured and after living a life without a family, she finally found a place she belonged too. But if I chose to protect her from what was to come, no, if I chose to protect them, then I'd be giving up every single thing I'd ever worked for. I'd be giving up my title, my people... I'd be giving up the man who raised me. And so, I couldn't choose. Instead, I said, "She's pregnant."

Ambrose's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Who is?"

"My sister... she's pregnant."

There was a heavy silence hanging in the room, and by then, I knew I'd done a good job at avoiding his questions. Another moment passed by in endless silence, then another, until he finally let out a chuckle. It began as a soft little snicker and then transformed into a loud, uncontrollable chortle. The sound of it was almost unbearable to hear, and it sent uncomfortable shivers running up and down my spine. I eventually began to back away from him in horror before he stopped laughing and shot me a little smirk, and I could see it all now, dancing across his eyes. It was a way to save me from everything I'd just admitted to, a way for him to ignore the fact that I'd flat out tried to get myself out of the mission he'd once tasked me with and tried to defend the people I had once set out to destroy.

"So that's the *real* issue then, I was wrong before. You're worried that your sister's child's life, nay, your potential nephew or niece’s life is in danger. But you can rest assured, I will not cause any harm towards your sister on account of her current state. After all, she is now carrying the future in her belly." His face then fell stern for a moment before he said, "That *is* what has you so worried, right?"

Perhaps I should have been a little braver then and said that it was not the only thing bothering me. Perhaps I should have given him a real answer and found a way to tell him that I didn't want to be a part of any of this madness. But I knew that some part of me craved this madness. Some part of me, and quite a large part at that, yearned for the power my father promised me. And so instead, I nodded my head, saying, "Yes, father. That is all I am really concerned about."

"And what about Lucien? You aren't worried about him at all, are you? He was just an excuse so you could protect your sister and her child, am I correct?" I could see by the look in his eyes what he wanted my answer to be, and it further warned that if I answered incorrectly, all hopes of my earlier display of resistance being completely erased from my father's mind would be in vain.

And so, I nodded before saying, "Yes father, you are correct, I was just trying to protect my sister's unborn child."

"What a good soldier you are, trying to protect our future by protecting the life of your sister's child. You can rest assured that I will most definitely make her safety my priority. And so now that we have that out of the way, we will *never* have this conversation again, right daughter?"

"Yes father." I said, softly. But not once did I let my expressionless facial expression slip.

Ambrose smirked, content with my answer and then returned his attention back to the corpse sitting in his dining room chair.

"I suppose I'll have to clean that up. Afterwards, would you care for some breakfast?" He asked, hoping my answer would change from the first time he'd asked me. But I couldn't bear sitting at the same table with my father while all of these conflicting ideas and questions swirled around in my head. I was convinced now that I could still carry out this mission with a way to protect the people I needed to, and if Damon so happened to become one of those people... well we'd get to that mountain of a problem *if* we needed to. And so, I denied his request, not wanting to be tempted into changing my mind by spending even a second more with him. He didn't seem surprised. Instead, he nodded understandingly.

"I'll be going now father, perhaps I can still make it in time for work." I said and began heading towards the exit of the dining room, taking care to avoid the decapitated head.

"Wait, before you go!" Said my father. I turned around and raised a brow. "I think it would be best for you to distance yourself from Lucien. I don't like the way you spoke about him earlier, and although I do believe that most of what you said was to protect your sister, I could sense a little bit of concern on your part for Lucien. Perhaps some distance could provide us with an advantage. You could realise again that you are and always will be incapable of love, and he can begin to pine over you. As the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder, and in your case, distance will make your heart grow colder."

I gulped at the very mention of possibly avoiding Lucien. There was a strange uncomfortable, stinging feeling in my chest at the very idea of intentionally avoiding his company. Of course, it was easier to avoid him when we began this little game, but as I had said before, I found his company quite pleasant. Not only that, but the events of the previous day began to replay over in my head again. The way he held me in his arms when I spoke about my dead parents, the way he looked at me when he saw my blue eyes, the pinkie promise we'd made. So much had changed between Lucien and I in such a short period of time and for once I felt... alive again. I didn't feel like some kind of robot simply carrying out orders. But it wasn't just about the way Lucien was beginning to make me feel. It ran deeper than that. Ambrose had tasked me with bringing Lucien over to our side. He'd tasked me with seducing him and persuading him into giving up his family for something as petty as revenge, and now, after I'd spent some time with him, I realised that I no longer wanted him to be involved in any part of this. All the poor man wanted to do was redeem himself and actually get along with his family. I couldn't take that away from him. It was then that I realised that maybe a little bit of distance would do us well and give me a chance to make up my mind. He'd once promised me that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me, and now, I finally understood the gravity of his promise. I didn't want to hurt him either, especially now that I was so uncertain about where my allegiances laid and what my feelings for my mate actually were.

"Fine. I will distance myself from him." I said.