77: I feel something

**Oliver**

“Ambrose?” Loren uttered out questioningly after Tristan and Lucien had left. Kyle had left the room soon after them as well and was now busy in the kitchen, making us some tea.

I shifted nervously on my feet and then scratched the back of my neck. I was just about to try my best at muttering out a roughly coherent answer when she spoke again, this time, however, she stared me right in the eye when she did.

“And why were you there today when I was being attacked? Did you know I was a target…? And why the hell was I being attacked in the first fucking place? I have a lot of questions Oliver.”

She was angry, that much was clear, but this was the first time in a while that I was conversing with her and so I didn’t mind. Besides, she had every right to be angry. She always seemed to be getting caught in the clutches of Michaels family drama.

“I know Loren… and I will answer them all.” I said as gently as I possibly could. She was caught off-guard and couldn’t hide it as the shock of my words flashed across her face. For a moment, we just gazed at each other, her in curiosity and weariness and me completely lovesick with her being right in front of me.

“So, start talking,” she said, once the silence had grown suffocating.

I cleared my throat, then said, “I guess I’ll start from the beginning, with Tristan and Ambrose…”

I first told her about how, on the night of the fire, Ambrose took Tristan in and decided to raise her as his own.

“So she let the man who killed her parents take her in and play ‘father’?” Loren asked with an eyeroll.

I shook my head and told her that Tristan hadn’t known at the time. To her, Ambrose had been nothing more but a kind stranger who’d saved her from her death.

“You didn’t tell her?”

Again, I shook my head. “Tristan was so small then. I was too and although I knew what he did wasn’t right, I was afraid she’d run away. Back then I already knew how extremely rare Blue-Eyed Alphas were on the black market. If she ran away back then, she wouldn’t have survived. She was too weak, too vulnerable, especially after the death of her parents.”

Her eyes widened and she tilted her head almost in disbelief. “D-did you say Blue-Eyed Alpha?”

It was my turn to be surprised and I raised my brows in astonishment. “You know about Blue-Eyed Alphas?”

She nodded her head and then told me about her father’s obsession with them. Apparently, he knew everything there was to be known about the mythical creatures. She also told me that sometimes she’d read through his research, curious about them too.

“I suppose that explains how Ambrose is alive. She resurrected him?”

“That she did. But it came at a cost…”

“Sickness.”

I nodded.

She paused for a moment before sighing and saying, “Why didn’t you tell her when she was older and able to take care of herself?”

“Before Lucien and Jasmine entered into her life, Tristan *needed* Ambrose. Without him, she would have broken. He’d taken away every single emotion she had and replaced it with some sort of stupid ambition. I did plan on telling her about her sister and about Ambrose’s involvement in her parents’ murder… but then my uncle gave her this mission, to infiltrate Damon’s pack. I couldn’t intervene then… especially not when I discovered that Lucien was her mate. I wanted her to start feeling again. I wanted her to make the choice I knew she would make- to leave Ambrose. After that, I was certain she would have learnt the truth, and if not, I would have told her then because she would have been strong enough emotionally to cope with it. In the end I was right. She learnt the truth herself and as you can see, she’s made her choice. You see I’ve never tried to deceive Tristan. I hated keeping secrets from her but I knew that the things I hid from her were things big enough to hurt her and break her. I loved and love her too much to want to break her. So, I’ve always been careful about revealing the truth to her.”

After I’d said this, I saw Loren’s hand clench into a fist and her jaw clench along with it. “So… is she the reason you rejected me?”

It didn’t take me long to realise that she was jealous. And so, ever so carefully, I moved closer towards her. I could see her jealousy turn into nervousness the closer I got to her and once I was right in front of her seated self, I could see by how her chest heaved rapidly, that her breath had begun to quicken.

“I didn’t reject you because of Tristan. I’ve never seen her as anything but a sister. She and I have history, yes, but it’s all family history. You see Tristan is and was the only constant in my life. She’s never not been in it. We both grew to rely on each other and find comfort in one another because we both lived difficult lives because of Ambrose and my father. But you… I rejected you because I was an asshole. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but none of the Michaels family has ever been really good with love. I was raised a certain way. Love was for the weak. I was also raised that women were weak and worthless and only served to hold us back. That’s why I rejected you. It was stupid and impulsive. I regretted it, yes, but I’m glad I didn’t try to immediately reconcile with you back then. I was still an asshole.

But things changed three years ago. That game Lucien played with Jasmine and Damon… it all just made me rethink things. I realised then that I was wrong about everything. I was wrong for thinking that women were weak and worthless. During those games, you were so strong. You were willing to sacrifice yourself for the people you loved without a second thought, and you were so brave and determined throughout everything. Perhaps that was the day I finally and truly saw you. It’s why I begged Damon to save you when Lucien got shot. In fact, my desperation in that moment was the only thing that convinced him to leave Jasmine behind so that we could both save Lucien. I’ve spent every day since that day trying to fix myself. Although you loved Jasmine then… I wanted you to someday love me. I wanted to be someone who deserved to be loved by you.”

I was breathless by the end of it all and my chest felt tight and my throat sore, with a lump difficult to swallow away. But despite all of this, it felt as though a weight had been lifted off of me. Loren’s face was now flushed, her eyes were almost conflicted, and I could even hear how her heartbeat had increased.

“So…” she said a little softer, “why did Ambrose decide to attack me?”

I could tell by the soft and vulnerable look in her eyes that she already knew the answer, but I also knew that she wanted to hear it out loud. However, I was still too afraid of the consequences of saying it.

“Tristan was the only person keeping me in Ambrose’s pack. So, once she’d left, I had my own freedom too-”

“Why did Ambrose attack me, Oliver.” The look in her eyes had changed now from soft and vulnerable to determined and searching. There was no winning this, no hiding, no more being afraid. That was what her eyes told me.

And so I took a deep breath before saying, “I love you, Loren… that’s why I was there today. I love you and Ambrose knows that. That’s why he attacked you and that’s why I tried to watch you from a distance. However now I think I should have just invasively stalked you. Maybe then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt in the first place.”

A heavy silence hung in the room and all it did was make me more nervous than I’d been before I had confessed my feelings. Loren wasn’t helping either with her almost emotionless face.

“So…” she began, shattering the suffocating silence in the process, “once again, my innocent self got tangled up in the middle of another crazy Michaels game. What the fuck is wrong with you people?”

I sighed and then shook my head. “I’m so sorry… you don’t deserve to keep getting sucked into our problems and I’m afraid now that we’ve managed to piss off Ambrose, he won’t stop taunting you to hurt me…” I then paused a moment before saying, “… I *would* have suggested that you move as far away from this place as possible; that you start over and try to live in hiding. But that would be foolish of me. All of the people you love are right here and you are definitely not one to run away and hide. You’re a fighter. So, what I can do is try my best to make sure that you’re safe… while also trying to stay out of your way. I know that you’re not too fond of having me around, but I can’t stand by while the consequences of my actions affect you. I’m sorry that I keep on causing so much of trouble in your life, but this will be the last time. Once Ambrose isn’t a threat anymore, I will leave you be.”

“Who the hell do you think you are, making that decision for me?” I was caught off-guard, not by the anger in her tone or her fists which were now clenched again, but instead by the unshed tears in her eyes.

“L-Loren?”

“I lied!” She yelled.

Confused now more than I’d ever been in my life, I asked, “Lied about what?”

She was in tears now and slowly getting up from the worktable she’d been sitting on. She stumbled and immediately I placed my hands on her shoulders to steady her. She looked up at me and my breath hitched at the pained expression she now wore.

“That day when you came to the office, and we kissed… I lied. I didn’t feel nothing. In fact, I haven’t been feeling nothing for a while now. I felt and *feel* something, I was just-”

“-afraid?”

She nodded. I couldn’t help but pull her closer to me and wrap my arms around her. She smelled good and familiar and felt so warm and reassuring. My heart was going crazy and my breathing too.

“So don’t leave me be anymore. I’m glad I got attacked today, because if not, we would have been too afraid to have this conversation. I do, however wish that you had told me about all of this sooner.”

“I couldn’t have. If I told anyone about Tristan, it would have put her in a position she would never have been ready for in the first place. Besides, I didn’t tell you anything because I didn’t want you to have the burden of keeping it a secret from Jasmine. I was going to tell you after she and Damon found out about everything… but you and I weren’t speaking, and I didn’t want to-”

But my rambling was cut short by the softness of her lips on mine. I froze for a moment before tightening my hold on her and kissing her back. That’s when I felt it again- the sparks. I let them envelope my body in their soft warmth.

Eventually I pulled away, breathless, panting but never not wanting more. Loren was panting too but, like me, she was not nearly satisfied enough. And so, once we’d taken enough breaths of air, her lips were back on mine. I couldn’t get enough of the taste of her, not even when I used my tongue against hers. I wanted to touch every inch of her skin and judging by her wandering hands, she wanted to touch every inch of mine. I picked her up swiftly and placed her on the worktable before trying to remove her shirt. Once I’d gotten it off, my hands were on her beautiful, warm, bare skin. It was so soft beneath my fingers, and I liked the little moans she let out every time my fingers travelled down to her hips.

“Tea?” Immediately both Loren and I stopped our passionate kissing and instead looked up to see Kyle smirking at us both with a tray of tea in his hands.

“I’m afraid not. Oliver and I need to get going now.”

I stared down at Loren with a confused expression and then asked, “Where are we going?”

She then pushed at my shoulders gently, stood up and started putting her shirt back on. “To join the others. You weren’t really going to listen to Tristan, were you? Besides, if you’re going, so am I. I’d like to see the bastard Ambrose with my own eyes. Then maybe my mind will finally be able to process all of this craziness you all seem to be throwing me into the middle of all the time.”

I couldn’t help but smile at her and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“So no tea then?” Kyle asked before sighing.

“No, no tea. But be on standby… I fear we might have a few injuries soon.” I said wearily. I didn’t doubt that Ambrose would attack sooner rather than later.

“I always am. You two be careful. Loren especially. Try to stay out of the fight… if you can.”

She nodded at him and then turned to me. “Oliver… don’t think that you’re off the hook. You’re going to have to work hard to make up for your assholery. Understood?”

I grabbed her hand, pulled her towards my chest and kissed her deeply before saying, “But of course. From now on, your wish is my command.”

She smiled and it was in that moment that I knew that no matter what happened next, I’d still have hope in me. Hope that after all of this was done, Loren and I could be *something*. I knew that I could never truly make up for what I’d put poor Loren through, but I’d be damned if I didn’t try to give her the love I knew she deserved, the love I could never give her before.