29: The saddest conversation

**Jasmine**

The days passed by eventfully. By eventfully I meant that I had made the headlines in the news once again. Everyone in town was buzzing on and on regarding Mr Bellgreaves, *bless his soul*, as they all said. It was ruled as intentional and an act of rebellion by his overworked guards. I was lucky that I remembered to get rid of the empty gas canister and that the camera footage had disappeared along with everything else.
I imagined now that he was already burning up to a pile of ash in hell and clung to that thought everytime someone mentioned him sympathetically. Mr Bellgreaves was despicable and downright evil. In my opinion, he deserved every single ounce of pain that I'd inflicted upon him. But at the same time, I couldn't deny that there was a price to pay for the deaths I caused. With every life I took, a part of me was ruined beyond repair, twisted up into something ugly and unnatural. Many times I wondered if I was actually cut out for this job. I liked the idea of helping people and avenging them, but paying the price over and over again was beginning to chip away at my humanity. At the end of the day, I was just an accountant, trying to study my way up to chartered accountancy, with too large of a past chasing me. I couldn't settle in anywhere; I couldn't get too comfortable or too loved. I knew that I'd even need to leave Timmy in a month or so and pretend as if he'd never existed in my life. I truly hated this, I hated running, but I couldn't stop either. If I wanted to remain outside of the cage, I'd need to keep pushing on and pushing on away from the only person I knew I could never escape. Lucien.
Lucien Cyrus had been someone I had been on the run from since the day I left home. He honestly was a man to be feared and I feared him more than I feared anyone else in the world. But he was my exception, not the rule. He was far more dangerous than anyone I had ever met, and I had met a wide range of people. He really did put them all to shame. He was devious, cruel and ruthless, but all in the subtlest of ways. That was what made him so dangerous. He charmed and lured you in with a smile, good manners, and his snake-like tongue and then in the same breath could torture you with a kind, gentle look in his eye. It was contrary to Damon's kind gentle look, because Damon's was genuine and real, and Lucien’s was false and hid the foulest, darkest depths of evil within them. Lucien Cyrus was a demon. And as the days went by, I wondered if he was a demon haunting me. I wondered whether he was the one who had hired Andrew. It was far-fetched yes, and my theory did not consider the fact that Andrew was tormenting the entire group of us, but still, I could not rule out the possibility. To Lucien I was a prized possession, the object of his dark and deep obsession. I was not naive enough to believe he hadn't stopped looking for me, but I was naive enough to bury the thought of him in the back of my mind.
I'd done so well over the past few years, barely thinking about him, but today, a week after I had killed Mr Bellgreaves, he occupied my mind against my will. To make it worse, I couldn't help but think about Timmy too. I had gone to visit him, everyday but only from the window, still unable to face him. Damon had been visiting as well, every single day, and I found out that he was the person responsible for paying Timmy's hospital fees. He brought him candy, gifts and most importantly he showed him compassion. Sometimes I'd just stand outside, staring at them both. They were so alike in some ways, and that showed when Damon thought no one was watching. Or, perhaps he did know I was watching, and perhaps over the time we'd gotten to know each other, he was comfortable with letting me see more. But I wasn't ready yet, and I doubted I ever would be. Damon was always worried about him hurting me, but through the years, our whole dynamic began to change, and now, it was I who feared hurting him.
"Hey, the boss says he wants you to stay in a little longer today and go to his office once you’re done with everything." Hannah said, coming from Damon's office with her paycheque.
I was surprised he wanted to see me. Damon had stopped his little vengeance plot a week ago, and we'd barely gotten into each other’s hair since.
"I'll stay with you as well. I'd like you to walk me home please..." Macy said, looking a little concerned.
I nodded at her and gave a little wink. "Sure thing Macy."
She had complained about being followed recently and because of this, began making me walk her home every day.
***

I finished for the day and then went to Damon's office. As I opened the door, I couldn't help but notice that this office now smelt solely of Damon. He sat in his chair, wearing a classic black suit with his blazer off, clinging to the back of his chair. He always looked so gorgeous, and even now, I found myself unable to keep my eyes off of him. His eyes met mine when I closed the door behind me. "You called, Mr Michaels."
He sighed and crossed his legs over as he leaned back on his chair and then intertwined his hands on the surface of the table. "I was hoping we could talk about something... personal?" He then motioned for me to sit on the chair in front of him, and I did, cautiously.
"What's this about? I hope it... has nothing to do with us, because if so, I'm leaving−"
"No, not us, but you. I've been watching you over the past few days. You barely eat, I don't think you're sleeping, and finally, you don't come in to see Timmy at all. I've caught you, more than once, just hovering around. What's happened to you, Jasmine?"
I was not prepared for this conversation with him. In fact, I didn't even think I'd be having this conversation in the first place. "I thought we decided to keep pretending to hate each other. Why are you snooping around in my life again? This is so unlike you, Damon." I then stood up and began running my fingers through my blond hair before I completely gave in to an outburst. "Fuck! Can you not just continue being a fucking asshole? What do you want from me Damon? So what if the guilt is eating away at me, it's my fucking problem, isn't it?"
He shook his head at me, but his temperament never changed once. He was still calm and collected which was strange considering he had a temper to match mine most of the time. "That's not fair Jasmine. You made your guilt my problem the night you asked me to make you forget about it in the first place."
And that's when I realised what was actually going on. "But you didn't *just* make me forget, did you? No, you made it emotional even though we agreed to keep emotions out of this. That's why you're like this. Damon, you and I can't do this at all. Don't you still want me to hate you?"
He sighed and it was now time for him to ruffle up his own hair. "I don't know anymore. I don't know..."
The look on his face was one that had all of my anger evaporating. He was truly as lost in this as I was. "Look, I know you think you will break me, but I am broken already. I know pain, loss, torture, guilt, hate. Fuck Damon, I just killed someone the other day. I am no better than you are, probably even worse. But if things were different between us, if *we* were different, then maybe we could work. But the truth is that we aren't. Getting close to me gets people like you in positions like Timmy. You don't know me, and it's best you never do. In fact, I think it's best you leave. Please, leave Damon, I don't want to hurt you..." I didn't look at him as I said this. It was probably the realest conversation we had ever had with each other, and probably the saddest.
"But... what if I don't want to leave?" I hadn't even noticed that he'd taken a few steps towards me and that right now, he was standing right in front of me with a new look on his face. It made me gulp and look away quickly.
"You can't break me, but I can break you. I'm no good with these types of relationships."
"Well neither am I," He gently placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up into his soft hazel eyes. "I could stop pretending if you do the same, because let's face it Jasmine, you care about me just as much as I care about you."
I was wrong, Damon could break me, but not in the way we both thought. His words were like bullets to my heart, and the more I stood there in front of him, the more I felt my walls begin to shake and threaten to break. "I can't, you−"
But he cut me off with his soft lips. Immediately, I felt hot tears stream down my face. "Then at least let me kiss you once more. Let us end this differently than we did the last time, as lovers." He said this after he pulled away from the kiss. I looked up to see his eyes watering too. We really had become closer over the last couple of weeks. We'd seen each other at our worst and our best and by now, I could confidently consider Damon not even tolerable, but likeable. We were at least friends, complicated friends, but friends, nonetheless. I'd grown to trust him, because when I truly needed him, he'd been there and now, when I desperately asked for something, he obliged.
And so, I nodded, and began kissing him slowly, softly and passionately. I could taste our tears on my tongue and the pain in my chest grew into a feeling of bittersweet agony. His hands snaked up my body and rested on my waist. He brought me closer to his body, allowing me to bask in the heat of it against my own skin.
"Damn, you’re cold," he said, running his hands up and down my arms to get them warmer. He then gently picked me up and then set me down on the table, still with his lips attached to mine. Eventually I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and we began intensely making out as he roamed my body with his hands. My own hands made their way to his belt buckle, and he chuckled. But right before we could go any further, our intimate moment was shattered with screams from outside. And not just anyone's screams, Macy's. Immediately Damon let go of me and I of him and we both ran out to the front. Macy was missing and the back door of the kitchen was left wide open. Both Damon and I gave each other a look. It seemed as though our goodbyes would need to be placed on hold... for now.
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**And there we have it folks, everyone's favourite dysfunctional couple is on the brink of goodbyes... but is this truly the end of them?**