39: The silent treatment

**Tristan**

I did not make it back in time for work, mainly because I drove with the most distracted mind ever. I couldn't stop thinking about the encounter with my father and the things that he'd said. It was absurd, but I couldn't help the doubts which swarmed through my head. What if my father was right, what if I was nothing more than a petty little distraction for Lucien? Was he ever going to realise that he didn't love my sister, but only the idea of being in love with her? And why did I even care? Why did I care about him? And then on the other hand there was the way he behaved around me. Somehow everything he'd done so far had proven the exact opposite. He'd never made me *feel* like a petty distraction, but then again, he was outstanding at the art of manipulation. Just the idea of Lucien had now begun to make my head hurt and still, I just couldn't understand why. What was it about this man that had me so deeply consumed in the thought of him? And again, why did I care?

"Why..." I uttered and let it ring throughout my bedroom as I began undoing the buttons of my shirt. I was admittedly exhausted by now and the moment I stepped foot into my room, I plummeted into the softness of my sheets.

"Why..." I whispered once more before drifting off to a dreamless sleep.

My slumber was, however rudely interrupted by an early morning call the next day. I groaned, picked up my phone and stared confused at the unknown caller ID before reluctantly answering.

"Who is this? You better have a fucking good reason for calling so early in the morning," I groaned sleepily. It was 5 a.m. for Goddess’s sake!

"So, you're still not an early bird." Said my sister. I gasped at the sound of her voice and immediately apologised.

"What are you doing up so early?" I asked, rubbing at my eyes.

"Well, I like to be at work early, so I wake up early. I thought you'd be awake too, given your working hours, but I suppose you must live near work."

I yawned and gave a little stretch. My sister had never really had a problem with waking up in the morning, but I honestly dreaded the early hours of the day.

"Where did you even get my number from Jas?" I asked.

"You are my mate's personal assistant. Anyway, I just wanted to phone in to check in on you. You disappeared so suddenly. Is everything alright?"

Some part of me wanted to just tell her everything. Some part of me wanted to confide in her and explain it all and beg for her to help me find a way out of this mess I'd clearly gotten myself into. But I knew she was safer the less she knew.

"I'm okay." I said.

"Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything. I know it's been a while since we've spent time together, but you can trust me. You're still my little sister, and I would move mountains for you if you needed me to."

I gulped the moment she said this and bit back a whimper. Once I recovered, I cleared my throat and said, "I'm sure. You don't need to worry about me."

"Okay then. As long as you are fine. You and I *must* meet up again, preferably without the boys tagging along." She said.

I agreed with her, seeing it as an opportunity to meet my sister without having to be in the company of Lucien.

"I've got to go now baby sister. I love you." She said. The moment it left her mouth I froze. During the course of my living with Ambrose, I'd not once uttered those words to... *anyone*, and that never changed, not even now.

"Bye." Jasmine said before ending the call. She didn't sound bothered at all that I didn't repeat the same words back to her, and I appreciated that. I wasn't ready to express such a deep and heartfelt emotion… yet.

By the time I arrived at the coffee store, I was surprised to find Lucien waiting patiently at the counter with two coffee cups right next to him. By surprised, I meant highly disturbed and slightly panicked. I was just about to exit the little store when I heard his voice, freezing me in place.

"Love, it's you." He said. But it was his happy tone that sent a dagger right to my heart. The poor man was actually *happy* to see me, and admittedly, I was happy to see him too. There was this rush of electricity dancing against my skin just thinking about him standing right behind me and wearing that small goofy smirk on his face. In fact, the feeling was so intense that I felt the heat of it spread to my cheeks. I was just about to give into the feeling, when my father's voice rang over in my head.

"You are nothing to him, a distraction at best." I let it repeat throughout my mind over and over again until my every thought was consumed by these words.

I then turned around, took in a deep breath and proceeded to walk right passed him and towards the counter where I ordered Damon's coffee.

"Okay... clearly you didn't hear me. Hello, Tristan. And by the way, I ordered you a coffee already," he said, holding out a cup of black coffee. I didn't even look at him, nor did I acknowledge his offer, albeit quite kind on his behalf. And the moment I wanted to dwell on how genuinely touched I was that he'd actually gotten here early just to get me coffee, I brought my thoughts back to my father's words and kept them ringing over and over my head again.

"Are you ignoring me, Love?" He asked, half amused, and half confused. Still, I did not answer.

"You are, aren't you! Are you trying to play with me, Love? Oh, I do love a good game!" He uttered out before reaching out for me. But he didn't get very far as I grabbed his hand mid-air and tossed it away from me and internally, I let out a sigh of regret. This regret only intensified when I caught a side-glimpse of the expression on his face. It had changed from confused and amused to confused and hurt. I couldn't say I didn't understand why he felt that way. Just the day before yesterday I'd opened up to him more than I'd opened up to anyone, excluding Oliver. And today, I was once again shutting him out. I wasn't too sure about the rules of "dating”, but I knew for certain that me ignoring him would definitely set us back in our strange and complicated relationship. But at the same time, I'd be keeping him safe, not just from my own indecisiveness, but from the darkness I knew I'd bring to him if I chose my father over my sister. Deep down, however, I also knew that I was protecting myself from feeling again, and from letting him in. Despite not wanting to ever believe what my father said about Lucien, I couldn't deny that what he said really did get to me, and that a new fear had developed at the back of my mind- the fear that I'd feel something for him, and the fear that he really was just playing me, as Ambrose had said. It was the one thing I used to stop me from giving in and letting him in once again.

"Your coffee, Miss Creed." Said Kevin. I took the two cups from his hands, thanked him and then proceeded to walk towards the door. Lucien attempted to call out after me, but still I refused to acknowledge him, and all the while, this heavy, unpleasant feeling began to fill up in my chest. It was so heavy and so suffocating that as I walked towards the office doors, I couldn't help but gasp softly for breath and clutch against my chest with my free hand. Once I made it through the front doors of Morningstar Advertising, I let out a soft sigh. I knew that ignoring Lucien would be difficult... but never imagined it would be *this* difficult. The conflict swarming around in my head and the constant reassurance that Lucien would only hurt me, and I would only hurt him was beginning to create an almost unbearable headache which stung at the sides of my head and pulsed right across my forehead. It was naggingly painful and pestering and only worsened throughout the day. In fact, the more I avoided Lucien, the more the headache seemed to grow so that by the end of the day I could barely think straight with my head pounding painfully. I could practically hear the blood pumping through my eardrums. It thumped and thumped and thumped and even my ears had grown warmer, and a deep red colour had begun to engulf them. My mind was a swarming mess of conflicting thoughts, of memories, smells, touches, smiles, enraged glances. It all constantly droned on naggingly in my head, each either compelling me to fully join my father or to fully support my sister. But I couldn’t make a choice, at least, not right now. And so, I decided to grit my teeth and bear the pain. After all, it was pain that made me feel just a little bit more alive. And it was pain that made me feel more human than monster.