42: The reason

**Lucien**

Despite truly wanting to find out more about the rogues who had not so long ago tried to recruit one of my precious Vixens, the real reason I'd decided to join this annoying little "family outing", was because I honestly hoped Tristan would be joining too. Now, however, I found myself in a car full of idiots... excluding Jasmine, of course. There was something strange about her today though. Usually, Jasmine was quite cheerful and bright, but today, she seemed a little brighter, almost too bright. Maybe I was just overthinking it all. Maybe she and Damon just had some good sex, though the very image of Damon and Jasmine ravishing each other was enough to make me want to peel my skin off and run myself over a cliff. In fact, the moment the thought entered my mind I shuddered.

"Are you cold or something, Lucien?" Landon asked.

I smirked and then asked, "Are you going to cuddle me if I say yes?"

He sneered at me and then turned around to face the window. There was just something so satisfying about getting on Landon's nerves, even now.

Eventually I too began to gaze out of the window, watching as the blurred colours of the other cars on the road passed us by. Slowly but surely, my mind began to drift back to Tristan. I couldn't quite seem to get the image of her beautiful, bright blue eyes out of my head. I could practically conjure up the exact manner in which her green eyes began to swirl and become all consumed in blue. They were unlike anything I'd ever seen before and even now, it was almost as if they called to some deep, dormant and dead part within me, slowly bringing it back to life. But it wasn't just her blue eyes that intrigued me and made me think about her constantly. We'd gotten so close over the last few days, so close that I'd actually grown to care deeply for her, and most of my strange fondness for her had nothing to do with our mate bond. I just wanted to know more about her and the mysteries and secrets behind her eyes. I wanted to see her smile and laugh and break down those high walls she'd built up, and I wanted the reason for her smile and laughter to be me and me alone. But now, all hopes of getting to know her better, and seeing her smile and laugh were beginning to grow fainter. I'd tried everything during the last couple of days to get her to at least acknowledge me, and still, she just pretended as though I didn't exist. There was something unsettling about the entire ordeal. How was it so easy for her to forget me when all I seemed to do was think about her all the time? But that wasn't even the worst part. I'd grown so used to the electrifying feeling of her skin, the sound of her angelic moans and even that beautiful deep pink shade of blush she wore whenever I made her feel good, that the few days I had to go without her presence had begun to drive me to sexual starvation. But this wasn't any type of ordinary sexual starvation. Usually, I'd be fine with satisfying my hunger with whoever was available and willing, but now, all I wanted was her. She'd given me a taste of her, and I'd become addicted. It was a very rare occurrence for the great King of Seduction to be this addicted to one person, and yet here I was, practically tasting her sweetness on my tongue, feeling the absence of her soft skin and missing the smell of her soft, sweet fragrance.

"Something on your mind?" It was Jasmine who asked this, and the moment she turned back to look at me, a sweet smile graced her face. For a second, just a second that familiar ache in my heart began to tug at my chest. It was a feeling I experienced most times she looked at me that fondly, but unlike most times, the ache was not nearly as painful as it usually was, and the feeling of longing for Jasmine had *almost* become overshadowed by the memory of Tristan. Perhaps my next thought was the real reason behind it. As I gazed into Jasmine's blue eyes and her pure, innocent smile it began to dawn on me. The possible reason as to why Tristan could have been ignoring me could have been because of my past with her sister. Not only did she now know that I had on many occasions admitted to being in love with Jasmine, but I'd also admitted to making Jasmine's life a living hell, so much so that I literally vanished from her life for three years just to control my obsession with her. Besides, she'd only begun to ignore me the day after she and her sister finally met... then again, wouldn't she have already acted hostile towards me at dinner? I clearly recalled her joining me outside after my flare up of jealousy. She didn't seem to hate me then, in fact, it almost seemed the complete opposite. But perhaps she'd had time to process everything afterward and come to the conclusion that I wasn't worth her effort any longer. I didn't blame her though; I'd made such terrible mistakes in the past, and it would have been foolish for me to ignore the fact that I'd still have to face the consequences.

"I'm an asshole..." I uttered with a sigh. It was more of a thought spoken out loud than an actual proclamation. Nonetheless, the entire car heard me.

"That is probably the truest thing you've ever said Lucien." Damon said. I glared at the back of his seat and then returned my gaze back towards Jasmine who just stared at me confused.

"Excuse me? I don’t think you’re *that* big of an asshole… you must have something really important on your mind then.”

I didn't quite comfortable bringing up the topic of my feelings for her again, and so I shook my head and told Jasmine that it was an internal, and very personal thought that had accidentally been self-verbalised. In truth, it was. However, now that I had convinced myself that I had finally found the critical reason for Tristan's new and strange behaviour- because what else could her reason to ignore me be- I could begin to fix it. Of course, there was uncertainty and awkwardness between myself and Jasmine, and I was definitely nowhere even near letting her go in my heart just yet. But I'd begun to truly care about Tristan in a way that made me *almost* forget that I had feelings for Jasmine, and in a way that now had me missing Tristan to the point of frustration. As such, I really wanted to make things work between the two of us. And so, I decided then and there that the first thing I'd do when I saw her again, was apologise profusely, and if that didn't work, I'd try even harder. I wouldn't stop until she'd forgiven me and begun to speak to me again, because in all honesty, the idea of having her be so cold and distant towards me made me feel empty and lonely, almost to the point that it nauseated me.

My thoughts and ideas on how to perfectly apologise to my mate were, however, cut short when Jasmine remarked, "There's something weird about Tristan... I'm not the only person who's picked it up, right? She smells... strange."

It was an unexpected and random remark, but I could see that she'd been deep in thought regarding it.

"Strange?" Landon inquired.

"Yes," she confirmed, "strange. Or is it just me?"

"No, I've sensed it too. It's not just her smell. There's something about her, something almost supernaturally different. I've never been in the presence of a wolf that felt *that* powerful." Damon then gazed at me from the review mirror and asked, rather seriously, "Do you know more about this? She is, after all, your mate."

I contemplated for a moment whether or not I should have told him about the fact that her eyes were blue, not only for him to hear but Jasmine too. But then it dawned on me that before she'd been turned, Jasmine had no idea that she was the descendent of a long line of purebred Alpha wolves. That, and I was nothing, if not selfish. There was a large part of me that didn't want anyone to know about Tristan’s blue eyes. It was clearly something she didn't share with others often, and so I felt privileged at knowing her secret, because now, it had become *our* secret and her eyes had become a beautiful, precious thing only I could behold. And so, I shrugged and said, "She does seem different, yes, but she's never really said anything about her wolf side to me. Besides, she's not really one to open up easily."

I could see Jasmine raise a brow at me, clearly, she wasn't convinced in the slightest by what I'd said. But she never pushed me any further on the matter. Instead, she turned back to the front, and the car fell into a state of silence once again.

I could tell that Tristan was not only on my mind, but on everyone else's too. She'd come so suddenly, and now all she did was plague our thoughts with her cold, distant personality and the mystery regarding that wolf side of hers she kept so well hidden. Still, I wanted to explore every inch of what she was hiding so that we could both share more secrets together. The more she opened up to me, the closer we could get and hopefully the more emotions I could get her to feel. And hopefully, I could find it in me to truly love Tristan and get rid of the fear of never being able to let go of Jasmine. The fear that tugged on my heart and pained my chest.