28: Love me for the monster I am inside
**Lucien**
The more time I spent with Tristan, the more I began to take a liking towards her. Take what she said a moment in the cafe, for example. Usually, I'd be upset by such words going against the idea that I actually had real feelings towards Jasmine, but when she spoke, I couldn't help but listen and try to understand... as well as become upset. It was strange, but I began to think that it had something to do with the way she looked at things. She had a way of analysing emotions in a way no one else really did, and that fact both frightened and excited me. It also had me curious as to what would happen if she began developing her own emotions. As she had said before, she wasn't always this emotionless. Once upon a time, Tristan actually *felt* things, and I wanted, now more than ever, to make her that way again. Perhaps it was a little selfish, making her love me to open her up again to the world of feeling and fleeting emotions when I knew I couldn’t quite reciprocate her feelings... or perhaps I could. There was always a part of me that hoped I would feel love for someone other than Jasmine... and it always seemed to act up whenever Tristan was around. But the idea of loving her brought about a fear in me. I feared loving her and Jasmine at the same time and if that were to happen... well then, I would have no idea what to do and who to let go of. Of course, the obvious choice was letting go of Jasmine, but I wondered if I truly could after all these years. I wondered if Tristan would be worth letting go of Jasmine for. If she'd be worth completely ridding myself of my feelings for the one woman, I had devoted most of my life to.
And as I thought this, I glanced over to her as she stared out the window and watched as the cars passed us by. She was beautiful and as I'd grown used to her company, I'd grown to appreciate her beauty as well. Her soft black hair, her glimmering green eyes, her long, thick lashes and even her plump, red lips. I suppose it was partially the reason I wanted to take her home with me right now, the other being the lusty fire she'd started within me the moment she called my company "pleasant". From her, such a compliment was beyond breath-taking. In fact, I considered it an open invitation to have my way with her body. She had been such a good girl, after all and I wanted to reward her accordingly.
"I really don't understand why you decided today would be a good day for another lesson in pleasure. You really do want me to get fired, don't you?" She sighed hopelessly. I chuckled in response to her cute little attempt at annoyance but could already smell it forming right between her thighs. It was unmistakable, especially when it came from her. Her scent of lust was so distinctly sweet, I already found myself salivating at the very idea of if against my lips. *Goddess give me the strength not to take her in this car.*
"Listen here, Love, I don't plan on getting you fired anytime soon. As I've said before, no matter what you do, my brother will never be able to fire you and that, dear mate is because you belong to me. He'd much rather preserve the relationship we have than destroy it over something as trivial as your job. Can't you just relax for once? It's not like I've given you any reason not to trust me. My intentions with you are *mostly* pure."
"And what are your intentions with me... with this?" She asked. I froze the moment she said it and let out a stiffened chuckle. It seemed my thoughts were clear to her again.
"You ever thought of taking up something in the psychology field of life?" I asked, changing the topic. I'd grown quite talented at it over the years, and she was one of those people who didn't press on if she didn't have her questions answered.
"Psychology? Why in the world would I think of engaging in psychology?" She asked. And that was exactly what I expected. Instead of fighting and begging me for answers, she adjusted to the changed topic.
"Well, I think it suits you well. You like to analyse the way people feel and think and then, you make quite opinionated mental notes about them."
She placed her finger to her lips, deep in thought and then tilted her head to the side. I found the little action of hers adorable and kept watching her, totally taking my eyes off of the road.
"I supposed I lack the people skills."
"Maybe you're right. I think you have potential though."
"Potential for what?" She asked, and then glanced towards me with a questioning look in her green eyes.
I hesitated before shaking my head and saying, "Nothing. Never mind." And again, she let the matter slide and returned her gaze back to the cars which passed us by. It was safer she didn't know what I was up to, that way she wouldn't try to resist her feelings too much.
By the time we'd reached my home, Tristan had fallen asleep. She was much less intimidating asleep than she was awake, and I couldn't resist the urge to touch my finger against her cheek. It then moved to the bridge of her nose, downward and then rested right against the cupid's bow of her lip. I paused, letting my eyes roam the entirety of her red lips and then began lowering my finger again, tracing against the soft flesh of her upper lip and then her lower lip. It was at that point that I completely lost control of myself- which was rather unlike me- and I began leaning in, just itching to feel them against my lips. But the second my breath touched against the skin of her lips, she awoke with an angered and confused expression overcoming her face.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She asked.
I bit my lip and shook my head before saying "Nothing. We're home."
But as I exited the car, I couldn't help but feel uneasy. Again, I'd never lost control like that before. Usually, I could manage to control my sexual instincts the way they needed to be controlled. I could shape them, mould them, abuse them and restrain them all at my own will. It was what made sex so enjoyable, the fact that I was always in control of myself. But just now, with Tristan, I could barely stop myself from kissing her. I'd need to be more careful around her. I did not want to taint her more than she needed to be tainted. If I made her fall for me, it would be strictly on my terms of not going passed her lips or tainting between her legs with what was between mine. I wanted her to love me for the monster I was inside, not the monster I could be in bed. The only exception was pleasure. There I couldn't quite help myself at all. After all, she needed to be taught, and when it came to pleasure, I was the world's greatest teacher. It was therefore strictly educational.
"Did you change those awful orange sheets?" She asked as we entered my home.
I chuckled softly and shook my head at her before saying, "Yes. I did, Love. Now why don't we go ruin them as well?"
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