60: Fool

**Lucien**

What had happened the previous night was a giant mistake. I felt awful about it, so much so that I couldn’t even bring myself to spend the night in the same bed as Tristan. I had once made a promise to myself; I wouldn’t cross the line unless I was sure about my feelings for her, but I lost control for a split second and that was all it took for me to lose all sense of sensibility. Over the past few weeks, I had been on my absolute best behaviour, especially after our moment in the rain. It had made me realise more than ever how much Tristan meant to me and how much I really didn’t want to fuck this all up. And despite it being difficult to keep myself from touching her I had tried my very best… but yesterday everything had completely fallen apart. However, the more I thought about my reaction to my naked mate in the shower, the more I came to the upsetting realisation that deep down I had secretly been waiting for an opportunity like the one she’d presented me with yesterday. I’d been itching to touch her again, otherwise I would have been able to draw the line then already despite her clear attempt at getting under my skin. It was a miracle I kept myself from mating her right then and there with how much I wanted every single part of her.

But as much as I regretted letting my self-control go, I was disappointed in myself as well. I expected to be less confused and less afraid, but instead, I was more confused and scared now than I had ever been. I didn’t know if what I felt for Tristan was love. In all my life I’d never fallen in love with anyone. I was once obsessed with Jasmine, almost to a fault, and although my attachment to her had dampened significantly, I was still so unsure and so uncertain. But uncertainty wasn’t the only thing occupying my mind. Fear ran rampant within my head, poisoning it completely. I was, however, not sure why I was so afraid, and yet, I couldn’t help but be consumed by it. The thought of me growing attached to Tristan terrified me beyond anything logical.

But on the other hand, I couldn’t get over the way I felt when we kissed last night. The electrifying feeling of Tristan’s soft lips still haunted mine and the more I was surrounded by her scent the crazier I became, now consumed in that warm and suspiciously comforting feeling. And, although I hated myself for kissing her when I was still uncertain, I was of the opinion that it was nothing I could not fix and nothing that we couldn’t come back from, unlike if I were to have mated her. And so, I woke up early and left a neat note on the table before leaving for the day. I couldn’t be around her now, not when all I could think about was the feeling of her skin against mine, her lips and the heated moment we’d had the previous day. I’d come back later, once my head was a little clearer, and explain to her that last night’s activities could not happen again… at least, not now when I’d finally convinced myself that Tristan and I were okay and that eventually, someday I’d find clarity regarding my feelings for her. If only I’d known then, how much my fear had already blinded me and poisoned my mind. And if only I’d known then that this would be the day that everything between Tristan and I would change forever.

**Tristan**

What had happened the previous night was the best thing that had happened to me in a while and for once, I woke up with a smile plastered onto my face. But my smile fell the moment I realised that I had awoken to an empty bed. Curious as to where Lucien had gone, I wrapped myself in his sheets and began to search for him through the house, only to be greeted by a very neatly written note placed carefully on the dining table.

**Gone to the store. Will be back later.**

I sighed and placed the note back onto the table before running my fingers through my hair and giving a sigh. I really wanted to talk to him about everything that had happened before. But the more I thought about what I wanted to tell him, the more I realised that I had no idea where to start. I was in love with him, that was made clear to me yesterday, but how exactly did I go about telling him. And as I thought about confessing, fear slowly began to creep in. What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if he was still confused? What if…

And then my mind wandered to the conversation we had the first time he brought me to his old house. He’d made it clear then that he would never kiss my lips unless he was completely sure that he wasn’t confused anymore. And so, foolishly, I took the fact that he had kissed me the previous night as a sign that he was no longer confused anymore. And foolishly again, I convinced myself that now was the right time for me to finally and fully embrace all of these emotions that I had begun to develop. The only question that remained was how exactly I was going to tell him. That was when my sister came to mind. Of all the people I knew in my life, she was perhaps the most knowledgeable when it came to love. She was in love, engaged, even pregnant and had perhaps the most stable relationship out of everyone. If anything, she’d be able to help me.

After deciding that I would take advantage of the opportunity of Lucien’s absence by visiting Jasmine, I showered, got dressed and then informed my sister of my decision to spend the day with her. Thereafter I decided to bring Calista along with me, not wanting her to spend the day alone at home.

Jasmine and Damon stayed quite a substantial distance from Lucien, but the walk was short enough for Calista not to get restless in my arms as I carried her along the way.

Once I made it to their grand doors, I knocked a few times before I was greeted by a smiling Chester. “It’s good to see you again Tristan. Please do come inside.”

I greeted him back and entered.

“And who might this be?” He asked once he had closed the door behind us and turned towards Calista and me.

“Oh, this is Calista.” I said with a soft smile.

Chester smiled, touched gently at her head and said sweetly, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Calista.” Then, Chester turned his attention back to me before informing me that Jasmine was waiting in the living room. I thanked him before heading towards the living room where I was immediately greeted by a smiling Jasmine. Her smile only grew wider when her eyes rested on Calista.

“Cute little kitten! Is she yours?” She asked as she got up from the sofa she had been sitting on and made her way towards me.

I nodded before saying, “Lucien got her for me. Her name’s Calista.”

Jasmine’s eyes widened. “Lucien got you a cat?”

Again, I nodded.

She smirked before placing a hand on her hip, saying, “She reminds me of that stray cat you used to look after when we were younger. I don’t suppose him giving you a ginger cat has something to do with that?”

I couldn’t believe that she still remembered. Nonetheless, I couldn’t deny that it was probably the reason Lucien had decided to surprise me with Calista.

“Well, isn’t that absolutely precious. Things between the two of you are definitely getting serious.”

“That’s actually why I came over… I need advice from you.” I said bashfully. Her eyes widened immediately, and she pointed to the sofa opposite of the one she had gotten up from.

“Sit, please.”

Slowly I sat myself down and placed Calista next to me. She roamed around for a moment or so before brushing up against the side of my leg, plopping herself down and then nodding off to sleep.

“By the way, where is Damon?” I asked, noticing that he hadn’t come down to greet me as he usually did.

“I sent him all the way to the other side of town to get something for us all to have for lunch. I thought I’d get a little bit of space from him before I threw something at his head.”

As I’d said before, Damon’s overprotectiveness was driving Jasmine insane, but it was honestly the most hilarious and most endearing thing to observe. Jasmine and Damon could both love each other to bits and yet still not be able to stand one another all at once. In fact, sometimes I feared that their heated arguments would turn into sex- which it almost had a few times, and quite frankly, remembering all of those instances still brought uncomfortable chills up my spine.

“But anyway, we’re not here to talk about how annoying Damon is. You said you needed advice?”

And so, I began to tell her of all that happened between Lucien and I during the past few weeks. I hadn’t shared much of our relationship to her before and so I felt a little clumsy at first. But somewhere along the way the look on her face had begun to make me feel more comfortable. It was as though she were genuinely invested and interested in what I had to say and so I unpacked as much of the “Tristan and Lucien Saga” as I possibly could, taking care to expose as few sexual details as possible as I moved onto the topic of our kiss last night. Once I had finished explaining everything, the room fell into a deep sense of silence and nothing, but the sound of Calista’s loud breathing filled the air for a while.

“…In love, you say?” Suddenly a smirk made its way onto her face, followed by a loud squeal. I couldn’t help but blush at her reaction and gently scratch at the back of my neck.

“Y-yes…”

“Well then, I think you should most definitely confess!” She said.

“But how… how do I *confess*?” I asked slightly frustrated.

Jasmine stayed silent for a moment before blowing a raspberry. “Isn’t it obvious? Just go up to him and tell him exactly how you feel towards him. I mean after all, he did kiss you and you said that he said he’d only do that if he was sure. So just be straight forward with him. There’s no need to overthink it.”

But that’s all I seemed to be doing- overthinking. “But…”

“No buts. This is how you feel, and you have every right to express it to him, regardless of how he takes it. But even if, for some illogical reason, he’s too stupid to realise his feelings for you, don’t let it dishearten you. All it means is that he is miles behind you, still trying to fight his demons when you’ve already clearly defeated yours. But don’t worry, he is probably nowhere near as uncertain now as he was before you made your entry into his life. And if he is… well then that’s his problem. You can’t hold onto someone who refuses to make up his mind.”

I listened and I listened well and like a fool I sat there believing that everything would be alright. I sat there and stupidly began to convince myself that Jasmine was right, that he had become certain and that he and I had battled our demons already. Little did I know that neither of us had come close to defeating the demons we needed to, and that his uncertainty was now at its highest.

I had convinced myself that emotionally, I was in a good space, forgetting how new I was to feeling again and how dangerous it was to underestimate my emotions. But by then it was too late, the stage had been set and the bomb had already been wired for our next scene and was ticking down, waiting to explode and shatter everything between Lucien and me.