44: A place loneliness doesn't belong

**Lucien**

“*Jasmine is pregnant*”.

It rang over in my head, swirling and consuming it. I couldn’t get rid of the words, no matter how hard I tried to push passed them. I wasn’t sure how to feel at this point. Excited? Sad? Angry? I was feeling something, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

“Lucien?” Damon yelled as his hand waved in my face.

“Huh?” I uttered, finally being brought out of my thoughts.

“I asked if you’re willing to help me find her?”

And then it hit me. I felt exactly what Damon was feeling. I felt afraid for Jasmine. There was a large part of me that had grown to want to see her happy, hence my reason for disappearing for three years. Now, she had more than enough to give her the happiness she deserved, and suddenly, it was being threatened. I didn’t want her, or her child harmed in this gas. I didn’t want her to lose anything anymore… and at the same time, I didn’t want my brother losing anything either.

And so, I looked at his worried expression and gave a nod before reaching out and taking his hand in mine. The feeling was familiar and brought a sense of nostalgia. When we were younger Damon, and I would hold hands like this in fear of losing each other when we were out in the woods. It was funny how; throughout the years nothing had changed. I didn’t want to lose my brother here either.

I coughed and wheezed as the gas filled my lungs. It was painful, to say the least, and that only worried me more. What if this gas really did put Jasmine’s child in danger? And as I thought this, I glanced back at my brother who looked beyond forlorn and lost. I felt my heart ache for the poor man, and the determination rise in me to find Jasmine.

By the time we’d reached the back of the room, we still hadn’t found her, which only made Damon more worried.

“L-Lucien!” He wheezed out. “Sh-she isn’t here! She isn’t here!” I could see that my brother was on the brink of tears, and so I grabbed at his face and made him stare me in the eye. “Listen here brother! We *will* find her! I promise. Your mate and your child… they will all be okay!”

The truth was that I wasn’t sure of anything at that moment. I didn’t know whether or not Jasmine and her child would be fine. What I did know was that there was a high chance that she’d already escaped. It was the only logical explanation for her not being here, and hopefully, logic was on my side today. The only problem was convincing my worried brother to abandon this futile search.

“Damon,” I began. He looked up at me and I took a breath as I stared into his glossy eyes. “I think w-we should go and ch-check if she’s made it out of the room.” I said in a wheeze.

“N-no!” He coughed out adamantly.

My eyes softened and my hands made their way to his shoulders. “Listen, Damon, searching around here in this gas is doing us much worse than better. Besides, we’ve searched the entire room. She isn’t here. If we make it outside and she’s not there… I’ll take responsibility for it.” We couldn’t stay here much longer. The gas had become so suffocating, and so painful to breathe in that the back of my throat had begun to sting, my eyes felt itchy and on fire and my lungs burned with each breath I took.

Damon hesitated for a moment before finally letting out a deep sigh and agreeing with me. The journey back to the entrance of the conference room was no mean feat. In fact, it took us an ample amount of time to finally feel the handles of the door.

The moment we made it out of the room, Damon and I began gasping for air. It was almost as though I were drinking it up greedily, filling my lungs hungrily with clean, fresh air.

“Damon? Lucien?” I was relieved when I heard Jasmine yelling our names. Immediately my brother turned his head and once he saw her, he ran towards her and engulfed her into his arms. When I saw that display of relief and love, a sharp pain began to develop in my throat, and although I’d have liked to believe otherwise, it was not from the gas. Watching Jasmine and Damon together only made me feel lonelier, and now, the fact that they had a child on the way only emphasised this. Everything so far had begun to distance me from the both of them- their love, their engagement, and now, their child.

I was happy for them, yes, how could I not be? I was becoming an uncle. But at the same time, there was that sinking feeling developing within me. They were about to start their own family, and just that thought brought about the feeling of distance. I didn’t belong there, not when I was this lonely and confused. Their own happiness had now become a place where my loneliness no longer belonged. And for some strange reason as I thought this, Tristan came to mind. I wondered what she’d say to me now. Would she console me? Would she tell me I was overthinking? I wanted her to be here too. I wanted to run towards her and embrace her the way Damon embraced Jasmine. I wanted to see the worry in her eyes, feel her warmth and her softness. I wanted to forget the fact that my heart was completely broken, that Jasmine still invaded my heart, and that I wished that I had been born as Damon instead of Lucien. This path of loneliness was beginning to grow unbearable, and the only thing that seemed to soothe it, was the presence of my mate. If only she’d speak to me again.

“Lucien… are you alright there?” It was Madeline who asked this. I turned towards her and smiled immediately, brushing away my thoughts.

“I’m good Madeline. Did everyone else make it out safely?” I asked as I gazed around at the people amongst us. Everyone still seemed to be shaken up by what had just happened, but unharmed, nonetheless.

Madeline nodded and then asked something rather unexpected. “Damon is here with his mate… am I to assume that you haven’t found yours yet?”

I chuckled at her curious eyes and scratched at the back of my head nervously. “It’s complicated.”

“Is that a yes… or a no?” I could see where she was going to with this, and perhaps in the early stages of knowing Tristan- or rather trying to know her- I’d have entertained Madeline. But things had changed, and Tristan and I had changed.

“It’s a yes. I do have a mate. Her name is Tristan… and she’s complicated.”

I could see the disappointment glint in her eyes, but she masked it up well with a cheerful smile. “Well, I’d like to meet her one day. She must have a lot of patience to deal with someone like you.”

I smiled softly to myself as I thought back to all the conversations we’d had- the serious ones. “Yes… she does have a lot of patience with me.”

By then, Damon and Jasmine had parted from their tight embrace and Landon had joined the two. I decided that it was time for me to do the same, and so I said goodbye to Madeline before walking towards the bright and cheery couple.

“Jasmine, I’m glad you’re alright! Damon was sick to death about the safety of you and your baby.”

And the moment that left my mouth, I realised, based off of the expression on Damon’s face, that it should have perhaps just stayed in my mouth.

Jasmine turned towards Damon with an angered expression on her face and hissed through gritted teeth, “You told him?”

Damon chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck while Landon muffled a screech beneath his hand. “P-pregnant! Holy shit! Holy shit! You’re going to be a dad, Damon!”

I found myself smiling at Landon’s words. All Damon ever wanted was to be a father, and now, he had received everything he’d ever wanted. I was truly happy for him, but my happiness was bittersweet and almost painful.

“Judging by your reaction, I don’t think I was supposed to know about this just yet…” I trailed off.

Jasmine’s eyes met mine and they softened immediately. “It’s not that Lucien. I did want to tell you all… but I wanted Tristan to be present as well…” she then took a step closer towards me and said, rather threateningly, “Don’t you dare tell her! I want to tell her in person.”

“I swear on my life,” I said, holding a hand up, “I will not utter a word to Tristan about this… if we ever start speaking again.”

Jasmine smiled and reassured me that we would eventually reconcile again, and I found hope in her words.

“By the way,” Damon said, “how did you manage to get out? You were all the way on the other end of the table.”

Jasmine’s brows creased and then she tilted her head before explaining. “It was the strangest thing. The moment the gas began to disperse I felt… someone grabbing me and the next thing I knew I was standing outside here, safe.”

“Someone grabbed you?” I asked, rather curious.

Jasmine nodded. “I couldn’t see exactly who… or what it was. I just felt a hand on mine the entire time. Then, once I made it outside… they vanished.”

There was something unsettling about what Jasmine had just said. Yes, I was more than happy that she was safe, but it was more the idea of how she’d ended up coming out unscathed. Was she… an asset to someone? That was the only logical explanation I could come up with at the time. But if so, who was she so important to? And why was she saved?

When the gas had finally cleared the room, a few of the Alphas went into the conference room to inspect it. I tagged along with Damon. The moment we entered we were left horrified. My hand immediately made its way to my nose to avoid the overwhelming stench of death in the air. At the end of the table, propped up in his prime, sat the headless, rotting body of Alpha Terrance, and in front of him, on the table, was his head.

“Good Goddess!” Shrieked someone from beside me.

“That’s messed up.” This came from Nick who looked just about ready to pass out.

Damon nudged me in the side and motioned for us to go and take a closer look. I nodded and followed him to the end of the table. Written on the surface of the table in blood was the following:

**“Courtesy of the Rogue Alpha”**

Both Damon and I looked at each other and then towards the rest of the Alphas in front of us.

“Lucien was right. This entire gathering was a trap designed to make a statement. Now, I suggest we all leave here in an orderly fashion, unless you’d like to end up like Alpha Terrance over here. It’s clear the rogues are trying to instil fear into us. They want us to feel paranoid and afraid, and it’s working, if I do say so myself. But we have to be smarter than them. We need to protect our packs as much as we can, and so I suggest increasing the guards on patrol, tightening security within the pack and finally, I’d like to propose an alliance. We need to work together to protect the individuality of the werewolves in our packs and to protect the ever-changing ways in which our packs are evolving. So, who’s with me?”

It was the first time I’d actually seen my brother taking charge and leading, and admittedly, I was impressed. I gazed at him, proud and amazed at who he’d become over all these years. It was the first time I’d realised that perhaps my brother taking the title of Alpha was a good thing.