80: After

**Tristan**

By the time the sun had set, we were already on the outskirts of the Blood Moon pack. Terrified excitement and the sadness of temporary goodbyes hung thick in the air as we all became complacent with the idea that there would possibly be lives lost. Damon gave Jasmine a sweet farewell kiss and held her tightly for what seemed to be an eternity. He too had made a promise to return to her, whispered softly and tenderly to reassure her sad and scared heart. Once Damon had finished bidding her farewell, I hugged her and kissed at the side of her face.

“Remember… I want you all back safe.” She said softly. It was now my turn to nod. Lucien then embraced her and warned her not to do anything stupid. I also said a few words to Oliver and Loren, warning them to stay indoors.

Each of us then shifted, some even tied piles of clothing around them for in case they needed to shift back. Damon, Lucien and I did the same, not too keen on running around naked if our human forms took over our wolf ones.

As our long journey began, I soon came to the realisation that I was also a victim of the subtle sense of fear that lingered amongst us. However, I couldn’t afford to show it, not when I was the one in charge of leading everyone to what I believed would no doubt be a bloody battle. I was grateful that we had so many wolves on our side though. Then again, they didn’t have much of a choice. Damon’s pack was the most powerful non-rogue pack and so if Blood Moon fell, every other pack would fall too. Nonetheless, I was still thankful that everyone had opted to lay their lives on the line instead of cowering and hiding in some forgotten corner.

The evening air was much colder than I anticipated and even though I was covered in a thick layer of fur, the wind that blew through it was icy and as uncomfortable and unavoidable as the idea of barging into my old pack to potentially kill the man I once thought of as my adoptive father, was. Lucien walked as close to me as he possibly could, occasionally even brushing his soft fur up against mine. Contrasting against the horrid cold, the feel of him against me was warm and reassuring and it did a good job of calming me down. Damon did not have the same luxury as I did. It was clear that he was feeling miserable without Jasmine. His misery practically radiated off of him in some sort of dark, grey cloud, shrouding him in it and making his appearance look small and almost lost. Landon attempted to console him, Lucien too, even resorting to humorously bickering here and there. But nothing seemed to help him. Not only was he heading into a situation which would bring him face-to-face with both danger and the frightening presence of his resurrected father, but he was also worried about his mate and their baby. I couldn’t say I didn’t understand the sentiment. I was worried about my mate too, and although I didn’t have the privilege of showing it, it crept in slowly, suffocatingly. It lingered in the back of my head, not once relenting, not once bringing me peace. I would have loved, more than anything to let Lucien stay behind like Jasmine had, to protect him. But I knew better. I couldn’t do this without him, and he wouldn’t have stayed if I’d have asked. It was funny how we all shared that same stubborn trait, more willing to die with our loved ones than live without them.

By the time we’d reached about halfway we all decided to take a moment or so to rest up, with a few wolves volunteering to keep a look-out while we all settled down for the evening. It was well into the late hours of the night and so the air was colder than before. I made sure to huddle up closely next to Lucien because he was much warmer than I was, and I basked in his comforting heat. It didn’t take long for most of the wolves to fall victim to the seductive temptations of sleep. I, however, could not find it in me to be lulled to sleep by the soft sounds of wolfish slumber. Instead, my mind was racing, imagining what tomorrow would be like. And the more I thought about it, the more anxious I became. It was only when Lucien mind-linked me that my mind started to slow down.

“*After tomorrow… what happens next?*”

“*What do you mean?*” I asked, not too sure exactly what he meant and how he expected me to answer him.

He nudged his head against my neck and moved his body close to mine.

“*I mean what happens to* ***us****. The closer we get to the rogue pack, the more I’ve started to think about you and me. We’ve marked and mated… we’re practically bound for life now. So, it would make sense that I’d want you to be by my side for as long as you’ll have me.*”

Finally, I understood what he was saying. But I wasn’t beneath teasing the man.

“*Lucien Michaels, are you asking me to move in with you?*”

“*Well, you spend most of your time at my house than you do at your own. So yes, lovely Tristan, I’m asking you to move in with me… but my question’s a little bit more complicated than that.*”

“*More complicated?*” I questioned through the mind link. He bowed his head in response.

“*I meant, where do you see us in the future? Marriage? Kids? We’ve never really gotten to that conversation… and I know it’s inappropriate, but I want something to hope for.*”

He was scared too. But marriage and kids? I’d never given either a thought ever in my life. I didn’t plan on actually falling in love with the person I’d been mated to and so they’d been irrelevant thoughts and hopes and dreams. However, now that I was asked about a future I’d never really given much thought to, I couldn’t help but start to think differently. It came like a flashing image of hope. Golden, crisp and glowing in the softness of some sort of untouched happiness. Perhaps I did want to marry Lucien someday… perhaps I even wanted kids. And as I thought this, that same image flashed back into my mind, now filled with children resembling both Lucien and me. Eventually, Damon and Jasmine appeared there too and their children along with them. I imagined a family loving, happy and hopeful. There’d be no room for the awful pain of the past, instead, we’d raise them all in a way we never were- with love and care. They’d be given a choice, a childhood. Soon, the dream seemed less strange and unfamiliar than it had in the beginning, and it then merged with the dream of family I’d had earlier on. The only questioned that remained was whether it was a dream Lucien believed in too.

And so I stared up into Lucien’s large, wolfish red eyes before saying telepathically, “*I’d like to get married to you someday… and I think I want kids too. What about you, Lucien?*”

The moments that passed by before Lucien answered was honestly stress-inducing, and I was about to give up all hope of him answering at all until…

“*Me too. I’d never really thought I deserved things like love and a family. I’ve done so much wrong in my life that I thought whatever time I had left would be spent in punishment. But then you came into my life, and you loved me despite the obvious asshole that I am. You also managed to make a stubborn man like me fall head-over-heels in love with you. And now, I’d like nothing more than to spend the rest of my life loving you and starting a family with you. I’ve been alone most of my life and I thought I’d remain alone for the rest of it. But you changed all of that. And so whatever tomorrow brings, I look forward to the day after that.*” I lifted my head slightly and rubbed the side of my face against his after he’d said this. Whatever tomorrow brought, I now looked forward to the day after as well.