25: Pushing my buttons

**Jasmine**

I awoke still in his bed, wrapped in his sheets and his gorgeous scent. Unfortunately, though, I didn't really feel the warm and fuzzy feeling associated with these types of situations. Instead, I was more annoyed at myself and at Damon for actually agreeing to what I had asked him to do last night−it was ironically the only time he ever chose to listen to me. With a sigh I removed his sheets off of my body and walked out of his room, expecting him to still be in the house. He wasn't. Instead, a note replaced his presence.
**You can take the day off. Visit Timmy. Rest. Tomorrow I expect you at work−on time!**
Yes, clearly everything was back to normal. Well as normal as it could get between the two of us. But, despite the feeling of normality creeping into my bones, I found it difficult to forget that gentle look on his face. It was becoming more apparent that the more I got to know Damon Michaels, the harder it was becoming for me to actually dislike him the way I used to. That, in itself was extremely dangerous. I'd need to now make it a point to try to avoid him more than I already did. So, to start the process of avoiding him, I decided to gladly take the day off, but not to rest. I needed to meet up with Loren as soon as possible. After Damon and I were all wrapped up in sheets last night, I spent the rest of it thinking about Andrew. If he knew about us... all of us, then he needed to be dealt with jointly. I couldn't afford to now make this personal, not if I wanted to avenge Timmy.
Timmy.
I knew I'd need to go and visit him... eventually. Last night I had been all for going and seeing him at the hospital. But now that I was saner, I realised that perhaps it would be better for me to stay away from him for a while. I wasn't sure what his reaction would be when he saw me; if he'd hate me.

***

"You want me to call an official group meeting? What's this all about, Jasmine?" Loren asked as she threw a spoon of sugar into her cup. Unfortunately, contrary to her initial assumption, this was not a social meet-up.
"Do you remember the murderer you handed to me. Andrew Walker?"
Her eyes brightened up and she nodded. "Yeah, I remember that asshole. What did he do?"
"Not only did he harm my neighbour, a ten-year-old boy named Timmy and−"
"Three weeks. I can only gather us all in three weeks."
My jaw dropped at this, and I gawked at her. "Three fuck−"
"You better watch your language around me Jasmine."
I took in a breath, regaining my composure before speaking again, "Are you sure that you can only get us together in three weeks? It is kind of urgent."
She picked up her teacup, swirled around its contents before saying, "Viktor is off in Paris, Kristal in Uganda, Peter in Japan, Blake in South Africa, Yuki in Norway, Rene in Amsterdam, Cody in Iraq and Jared is currently MIA. All eight of them have their own important missions to attend to at this point, so yes, I can only organise a gathering three weeks from now." She then paused, looking me dead in the eye, and said, "You are getting too emotional about this... again."
I let out a sigh, folded my legs and crossed my arms. She took a spoonful of fruit salad and nodded, reaffirming her little comment. I'd ordered nothing as I had no appetite, and the thought of food made me feel queasy. It had been like this the entire morning and, after attempting to eat a muffin−I threw it up after the first bite− I had decided to give up on putting food in my body for a while. Perhaps it was a side-effect from being passed out so many days? Perhaps it was something I ate only acting up now? Or perhaps, and more likely, it was the guilt of Timmy still eating away at me.
"I'm not getting too emotional," I couldn't even look her in the eye as I said this. "And besides, I thought me being emotional is what made me good at this job."
"Most of the time, yes, but now it's more than that, and you know it. You've grown attached to the boy. You've begun to think about him as you would family−"
"Not another word, Loren," I said, as I foresaw where this topic was going. But Loren was never one to quit, and so she kept going, knowing exactly which buttons of mine to push.
"I know you still feel guilty about what happened to your parents, but avenging this boy is not going to do anything to bring them back or help him get better. You are hurting yourself more by letting this guilt get to you. Yes, I know you can't help but love the whole world. It's what makes you, you and it's what makes me" −she paused for a moment, and I rested my blue eyes on her nervous features− "love you. But you can't blame yourself every time someone in your life gets hurt, especially when we *choose* to love you."
I wasn't sure what to say to her. I knew she was only trying to help, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that all of this was not my fault. It was true that Timmy willingly chose to love me, but it was also true that he didn't know *who* he loved. My name wasn't even my name. My identity was not my identity. The person he loved, and the person I was, were not the same. That's what made this so sickening.
Loren and I didn't say anything for a while, we both just stared at our laps absentmindedly, lost in our own awkwardness. But after a few more moments of silence, she suddenly cleared her throat and shifted in her seat, saying, "If I’m being completely honest with you, I actually thought you called me here because of your mate."
I looked up her, confused and questioned her comment. She replied by telling me what she had witnessed four days ago. Apparently, I had been chasing Andrew so haphazardly that I did not even realise I had crossed town borders, into hers. She was nearby, on a mission, and caught my scent.
"... I was going to help you, but when I got there, I saw your mate. I hid immediately, not wanting to reveal myself and watched as he got you in his arms and carried you away. He looked very worried about you. It was strange, considering what you said about him−heartless, cold... asshole−"
"He is!" I yelled out more loudly than I should have. Yet another topic that had me sick to the stomach. Loren shook her head no and took another sip of her tea before looking me dead in the eye. It was unnerving and had me looking away. "I know what it's like to have your mate be cold, heartless and not want you, and that's not how Damon looked at you. If anything, it's clear how much he cares for you. So why is it, that you push away the only person capable of surviving loving you, Jasmine?"
I tried to say nothing. I feared that if I did, I'd begin losing my mind. But I couldn’t help it when a few words eventually slipped out of my mouth. "-I-I... he was an asshole when he turned me. He kidnapped me and he had too many… expectations."
"Honestly, you both are so damn immature," she said with an eyeroll.
By now I was fuming with rage, and it took all of me to keep myself from getting into a fight with her… again.
"You’re supposed to be on my side."
"Jasmine I am always on your side. Your mate should not have tried to control your life or forced you to become something you’re not. But I also know that the person I saw holding his mate, practically freaking out when you didn't respond, was not that man you once knew, the one who tried to control you. And if he is, well then, he must be hiding something. But let me guess, you are not willing to find out because when it comes to love, all you know how to do is run away and punish yourself."
“Take it back!” I practically yelled.
Loren shook her head and slammed her hands on the table, drawing everyone’s attention to us. But we didn’t care.
“I won’t. Everything I’ve said is true.”
That was when I finally thought it best to leave, before things got more heated between the both of us. I stood up abruptly from the table and then said softly, "The reason why Damon and I will never work out is because despite everything, all we know is how to hide ourselves from one another."
I turned away from her, ready to leave, but stopped the moment I heard her speak again. "But he’s something special, and you know it.”
I sighed and shook my head. “All we've ever done was fight and that was comforting and safe. I don't want to get emotions involved, not with him because−"
"Because you actually do care about him more than you've cared for anyone else. But because you're Jasmine Spectra and he's Damon Michaels, you won't even allow yourself to indulge in such thoughts. I wonder how long you both are going to keep up this game where you pretend that you both don't care about one another."
Her eyes were intense, and they dared me to give in. But I couldn’t. And so I turned around and walked away wordlessly. She didn't call out after me. I don't think she needed to; she had pushed the correct button.

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So, once again I am surprising everyone with an early chapter, because you all are amazing!