22: I feel nothing

**Oliver**

She stood there- frozen. I couldn't blame her though, seeing her mate who'd rejected her all those years ago must have been hell. And yet, despite this, I had the audacity to muster up a faint, "Hi there," like an oblivious idiot.

She frowned deeply and was about to say something when Jasmine came bursting through the entryway with a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of water in her hand. But she froze the second she caught sight of Loren and me.

"L-Loren." As soon as it left her mouth, Loren's head snapped to her, and she growled lowly. "What the hell is he doing here?"

Jasmine bit her lip nervously and scratched at the back of her neck. I felt guilty for getting the poor woman involved in all of this, and so I decided to speak for her. "It was my fault. I came here unannounced. I didn't know you worked here too."

Loren scoffed and then rolled her eyes before saying, "Of course I do, Jasmine and I are partners in EJS. Maybe if you hadn't disappeared... again, you would have known."

Again, not very welcoming. I twiddled my fingers nervously and then looked towards Jasmine apologetically. In fact, I was just about to leave, rather willing to face my uncle than this enraged woman in front of me when Jasmine cleared her throat and shook the whiskey.

"Drink?" She asked, looking between both Loren and I. Loren raised her brow, evidently not impressed by Jasmine's attempt at clearing the air. Thereafter, she shook her head briskly and then attempted to leave. But Jasmine gripped at her arm, freezing Loren in place. I could tell the grip Jasmine had on her was nothing short of deadly.

"I'll be here with you..." She whispered.

Loren contemplated it for a while, and for a moment, one selfish fleeting little moment, I actually thought she'd stay. But she took one last look at me, scowled, tugged her arm from Jasmine's grasp and then stormed out the door. Once she did, Jasmine sighed deeply and shook her head.

"Can't say I don't understand her behaviour. I'm sorry I didn't tell you though. I should have given you a warning." She said, setting the whiskey and water down on her desk along with the two glasses she'd procured.

I shrugged and scratched at the back of my head nervously before saying, "It's alright... I deserved that."

"Again, can't argue with that. How about you sit down, and I pour you a drink, huh?" She suggested. I glanced towards the door, one last time, shrugged and then took my seat again. Jasmine took her own seat, opposite me and then began to pour me a glass of whiskey. For herself, however, she poured herself a glass of water and sipped at it slowly. It was then that my mind travelled back to the pregnancy tests in her bag.

I took a sip of my whiskey as well, hoping it would calm my nerves before I began my little interrogation. "I'm guessing you aren't drinking because you're..."

I let the sentence hang in the air, confident that she'd catch on. And she did, and when she did, a deep blush made its way onto her face. "Oh... no, not yet. I'm trying though... well we're trying."

Oh shit, I was in trouble! I took comfort, however in the fact that she said "trying". It was better than her being pregnant already... right? I didn't have to stress about her and her baby yet... right?

"You know-" she began, pulling me out of my thoughts, "-I really never thought I'd ever want children. But I've changed through the years... it's strange, how we all change. Even you have too."

I looked up at her when she said this and made the mistake of looking into those blue eyes of hers. Jasmine had this habit of drawing people in with her eyes, of stripping them down to the bone and seeing right through them. The thought was unnerving, and I found myself avoiding her gaze after a moment.

"If you really want her, why not fight for her? It's not too late. Jared rejected Landon once, and now they are a happy couple, happier than I've ever seen any two people. From what Loren told me, she once really adored you. I'm sure her feelings are still there, buried deep within her hate for you."

Deep down I hoped that what she'd said was true, that the Loren who once smile for me was still there, waiting for me behind the frowning mask she wore. But I reprimanded myself as soon as the thought came. This was no fairy tale... I'd made a fatal mistake, and now I had no choice but to pay for it, no matter how much it hurt.

As I thought this, I took another sip of whiskey and sighed deeply. Jasmine leaned back in her seat, making herself more comfortable and so I took it as an opportunity to finally ask her what I'd come here to ask.

"So... I heard the Alpha's Conference is this weekend?"

She nodded and then sighed saying, "Yellow Tail, can you believe it."

"Y-Yellow Tail?" I repeated.

She nodded her head and then leaned back, "That's where the Conference is going to be held. A whole five hours away from here."

It seemed my job would be easier than I thought, but I wasn't sure I was all too happy about it. In fact, I would have preferred it if she'd kept this information to herself.

Jasmine sipped at her water again, and then let out a long sigh as she drifted off into a state of deep contemplation. Her brows started to crease slightly, and she bit her lip, a clear sign she was worried about something.

"Is something the matter?" I asked, then took another sip at the whiskey.

She chuckled, startled slightly and then shook her head. "I-it's nothing."

"It can’t be nothing if it's making you frown so deeply."

She stayed silent for a moment before taking a breath and saying, "I thought that Lucien would be joining us this time," her eyes then wandered to the photograph of the two of them.

"L-Lucien?" I asked.

She nodded and then continued to explain. It seemed that Lucien and Jasmine had a little disagreement. It was to be expected though. After all, there was three years’ worth of silence between the two of them, and even more years of history begging to be addressed. From what I gathered, however, the truth regarding Tristan hadn't yet been exposed. I was grateful though. I wasn't sure what reaction either of them would have when they were to come face-to-face with one another.

By the time I'd finished my whiskey- 5 glasses down the line- it was already well in the middle of the day, and I no longer desired keeping Jasmine away from her work. That, and my thoughts had drifted one too many times to Loren. I wanted to see her again, at least once before I left here.

And so, after I bid Jasmine farewell, not even close to drunk or tipsy, I began my search for the stubborn, beautiful young woman. It took a moment or so, but eventually I found myself at the doorway to her office, frozen as she had once been before me.

Immediately she gazed up and a deep scowl made its way onto her face. "What do you want here Oliver?" She seethed.

I bit my lip nervously before taking a step inside, immediately provoking a deep growl from her.

I put my hands up in surrender, and then took another step. Now that I saw her in front of me, I could no longer be satisfied with gazing at her, I needed to speak to her too.

"I come in peace."

"You've never come in peace," she spat.

I sighed but continued nearing her until I was right in front of her desk. Her eyes never left mine, but the look in them grew to be almost frightened... as if being too close to me would break the walls she'd built.

"I came here to say I'm sorry." Even I surprised myself with my instinctive little confession. She was even more surprised than I was, and for a while, there was an awkward sense of silence between the both of us.

"Y-you don't get to do that." She whispered, before gazing down at her desk.

"Do what?" I asked in a hushed tone.

She stayed silent for a moment before gulping and looking at me. As soon as she did, my heart shattered at the unshed tears pooling in her lower lids. "You don't get to come back and say you're sorry. You don't get to come here and act like you deserve to be treated like the fact that you've changed should *mean* something to me. Because it doesn't Oliver. You broke my heart, you crushed it, and I can't ever forgive you. You don't know what it's like to feel unwanted."

But the truth was that I did. And when she said that it made me feel worse. I knew what it felt like to be unwanted, so why did I make her feel unwanted? Why did I break her heart when I knew what it felt like to be broken? I was stupid and young.

"I don't know what to say to you anymore Loren. I know what I did was awful... I know, and I am genuinely sorry. I just-"

But I was cut off by the noise of the wheels of her chair rolling against the floor. And then, Loren did the most unthinkable thing...ever. She grabbed me by the collar, pulled me close, and then placed her sweet, soft lips against mine. Admittedly, I was surprised by the sudden contact, but I recovered soon enough, slowly moving my lips against hers. And as I did, something unexpected came over me, something I never thought I'd experience again. It was this immense feeling of electricity that radiated from our interlocking lips and, when I placed my hands around her waist, they began forming there too. It was a feeling I chased at hungrily as I passionately tasted her, ready, right then and there to make her mine again... like I should have all those years ago. But of course, Loren wasn't mine anymore, and that rang true the second she pulled away from me and starred right into my eyes. The look she held was cold and distant, and I could see that her walls were back up again.

"This is the first and last time I'll ever kiss you Oliver, and I want you to know that I feel nothing. So, you can go back to playing the rehabilitated little Michaels boy, just don't expect me to play along with you."

And it was at that moment that I realised something dreadful. Although I had felt the sparks of the lingering mate bond I'd once tried to sever, it was apparent that Loren no longer felt anything at all.