39: Clearing the air

**Damon**

The journey back home seemed to do us well and by the time the gentle rays of dawn were beginning to shine through the peaks of the morning clouds, we were almost completely healed. I was about to part from the rest of the group towards my hotel when Loren placed a hand on my shoulder. “Care for a visit?” she asked.
I hesitated for a moment before agreeing. A visit would hopefully help clear the air. That way, working together would be more tolerable. Not only that, but I hoped that the itching feeling of not having Jasmine around would ease up with someone to talk to about her.
I followed Loren to the hotel she was staying at. It was more or less just as grand as the one I was in and had more or less the same set-up. She stayed on the second floor, just a few doors away from the stairs. I noticed, when we entered, that the room smelled of her, just like roses, and the heavy feeling of nostalgia slowly crept into me. It was comforting to know that some things had never changed, no matter how many years had passed us by.
“Take a seat,” she said, motioning towards a white, leather couch. I nodded and sunk into the cushions, waiting for her to return. She did, after getting out of her dress and into a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. She passed me a familiar sweater and said, “It’s still yours.”
I turned it over and couldn’t help but smile as a sweet and old memory came to mind. It was a sweatshirt I had given to her once long ago when we were both trapped outside in the rain. It didn’t help much, but back then, she said that she’d always remember the warmth of it. And so I gave it to her to keep. I never thought I’d see it again.
“I can’t believe you still have it, after all these years.”
A smile grew on her face, and she laughed. “I did feel bad about it, the first few months after I’d called off our engagement, but it eventually brought me some form of solace. It was a reminder that somewhere out there, I did have a friend.”
“So,” I began, taking a seat across from her again, “why did you never call me or even visit after you met… him?”
She waited a few agonizing moments before answering me, and by then, her lower lids were already brimmed with tears. “I- I didn’t know how. I called of our engagement the day before the wedding. I guess I felt ashamed. I’d left you for someone who didn’t even want me.”
By then she was in tears, sobbing, and I instinctively went to her and wrapped my arms around her.
“I’m sorry, so, so sorry,” I whispered against her head. We had never ever been lovers, but, during the course of our engagement, we had become good friends, no, best friends. I never held it against her for calling off the engagement, not even when I waited for hours and hours at the altar. Back then I was a more patient and caring man. I was softer because time and the agonizing scars that had developed just a year after, had not infected my personality just yet. And so, I was worried that day, and my mother and I had spent countless hours looking for her, only to find out from her parents that she and I were no longer getting married and that she had taken her share of her family’s wealth and left us all behind.
I never imagined that Loren would have ended up here. She and I used to be so alike. We both used to be obedient, good children who followed exactly what was said by our fathers. We never once spoke up back then, not even the day we suddenly found out we were getting married to join both her pack and mine together. Not even when we both knew that we each wanted to find our own mates and perhaps even fall in love. At the end of the day, our feelings never mattered. Duty did. Perhaps that was how she and I had ended up here. The past was never an easy thing to get over, no matter what anyone said. It stuck in the deepest parts of your soul, lying dormant but always there like an itch you could never ever scratch. The past was more than just the past. It was, as I believed the reason for everything− who we became and who we tried not to become.
Once Loren had recovered from her tears, we both pulled apart from each other, and I smiled down at her. She returned it before saying, “That smile… I thought it was lost with the death of your parents−”
“You came?”
She nodded, then said, “That day I thought you were lost, consumed with everything that you once hated. Your eyes were cold, emotionless but yet, behind them burned this hot, raging hate, as though you loathed the world and all the people in it. I remember feeling sorry for you. I imagined that the walls you built that day would never ever be broken and that you’d remain a shell of the good man you once were. But I obviously didn’t account for someone like Jasmine being your mate. It was surprising, to say the least, when I first caught a whiff of her. She smelled just like you. I was going to ask about you, how you were, what you were doing, but, when I heard everything, she said about you, I decided against it, thinking you had left your fair share of scars on her already. Little did I know she left her fair share on you as well. Otherwise, why would you have come back after her, despite wanting to stay away?”
“I−”
“I know you, Damon, the last person you wanted to be like was your father.”
She was right, and I figured I could no longer deny anything to her. Perhaps we’d known each other too well in the past.
“The day Jared approached me; I declined his request to join you all in protecting Jasmine against Andrew. However, after a month or so, Macy sent me a picture of her. She was just in the background, new, blonde hair and a beautiful smile decorating her face. I don’t know why, or how but, the next thing I knew, I was on my way to her, driving frantically with nothing but her invading my every thought. But, by then she had changed so much and grown so much stronger that I could no longer wear my scars as I used to. Especially when I saw her face and those eyes which seemed to burn through all my defences−”
“She’s intimidating, I’ll give her that. It’s hard to be cold when she’s so warm-hearted.” Loren commented, before falling into a sense of silence and allowing me to continue.
“I tried to keep it professional, keeping her close, but not too close. I tried hard to make her hate me, but she never seemed to flinch at anything I threw at her. She never cared when I messed around in her life. It was as though I were a mere extra that didn’t affect it or the goals she had in it. That was what really started to intrigue me”−I then paused and said quietly, looking down at Loren who was listening to my every syllable−“It’s a pity I was not the first to fall for her.”
Loren immediately pulled away from me, a dark blush forming on her cheeks. Our conversation had been sweet, subtle and comfortable, but now, I was beginning to move past that, onto the things which really seemed to divide the both of us.
She sighed deeply before rubbing it her forehead with her fingers. “Loving Jasmine Spectra was never on my to-do list. I guess it just sort of happened. We spent a lot of time together, more than most of the others, since we both liked moving around to more or less the same places. At first, I had a deep-rooted dislike for her. It was her blatant naivety and her hopefulness. I hated that life hadn’t seemed to break her pure, good little heart. But the more I got to know her, the more I got to understand that, out of all of us, she was perhaps the most broken. That was what made her unbreakable. She’d lived many years of her life, alone, defenceless, unwanted. But what made it worse was the man who’d taken care of her and turned her into a Vixen. He broke her completely, at least, that’s what I think. She doesn’t talk much about him, but I have a suspicion that he may be the one behind all of this, just waiting to capture her again. It’s one of the reasons she joined us, not only to help people, but to run away from him. That man, she fears. I could see it in her eyes when she spoke about him.”
I grew silent for a while. The man in charge of the Vixens had been such an anomaly to everyone who knew of the organization’s existence. Although I had found myself curious about him on more than one occasion, he never seemed important enough for me to investigate. But perhaps if I had investigated him, I’d know more about him, his relationship with Jasmine and why Loren was convinced he was the one who broke her.
“It scares me to think about it, actually… Jasmine has never been afraid of anything or anyone, so he must be truly terrifying, perhaps even the devil himself, to have her cowering.”
I agreed with this. Jasmine was not even afraid of me, after everything I had put her through, so this man must have been someone truly, truly evil. The thought of it made me shiver and worry about her, and now, more than anything, I wished I was near her to make sure she was alright. But perhaps I’d get the chance with the gala I was arranging. Perhaps, just perhaps, she’d show up and I’d get to see her just for a short while. As I said before, I was not sure about my feelings about her, but I did know that life without her was hell.
Loren suddenly snapped us out of our dark, foreboding topic with a smile and a mischievous giggle. She’d always been good at changing the topic. “So, were you jealous when you found out that I am madly in love with your mate?”
Immediately my face became consumed by a fiery blush, and I looked away before uttering that I didn’t. She was unconvinced and gripped my chin, forcing me to look at her. “Come on, you can be honest. I’m sure you were just about pissed off. I got to spend so much of time with her and I got to know more about her than you ever did.”
“No! I know more about my mate. How could you possibly know more about her? I know her birthday, her ID number, passport number, the orphanages she’s stayed at, the foster homes she’s been in, the university she studied at, her signature, her clothing size−”
“That does not even count. Those are such irrelevant details about her life. The only time you can truly know someone is when you know their past, their fears, their thoughts, their likes, their dislikes and their flaws, their strengths and their greatest desires. I’ve barely scratched the surface of knowing her, and already I can’t deny that I’ve grown more and more curious. But you hardly know her yet. Imagine what it will feel like when you do”−she paused, touched her hand to my face and said seriously−“and imagine what it will feel like when you let her know who you are and what you’ve been through.”
Her words surprised me. I had never expected that Loren and I would ever be having a conversation like this or that we’d both be pursuing the same person. But what made it stranger was the fact that she didn’t seem to hate me for being Jasmine’s mate, despite her being in love with Jasmine. And so, I asked, “Why are you willing to let her go?”
She gave a sad sigh, pulled away from me and looked down. “I’m not letting her go. I will always love her. It’s just… I remember what you said to me on the week before our wedding, just the day after you and I discovered my mate. You said that I should fight tooth and nail for what makes me happy, and if that meant following my heart and if that meant defying our fathers, then you’d defy them with me. You were so ready to drop everything and help me to fight for my mate. I figured it was my turn to do the same for you. Besides, out of all the people in Jasmine’s life, you seem to be the one she fears loving the most, and knowing her, it could only mean that…” she paused, laughed, and then shook her head. “Goodbye Damon, see you tomorrow.”
“But−” she wasted no time in dragging me out of her room and closing the door in my face.

***

The next day we all met at Jared’s hotel to go over the details of the potential gala. I was delighted that our meeting was over breakfast and, although my appetite was not as insatiable as Jasmine’s, I thought myself near her level when I ordered three plates of flapjacks. They were stared at in confusion when they arrived and were placed in front of me.
“Do you… really need to eat those?” Cody asked. I growled at him warningly and pointed my knife towards him. “Do you have a problem, you fucking−”
“Language, Mr. Michaels.” Loren said pointedly. I bit my tongue and returned my gaze to my pancakes.
“Your vocabulary is just as colourful as Jasmine’s,” Jared teased. It seemed he was having a ball of a time reminding me about her, and I was on the brink of mentioning Landon, until the thought of him made a large lump form in my throat.
The fact that I’d betrayed my beta was a hard pill to swallow and just the thought of it had me sick. I’d promised Landon no secrets− ever. It was an oath that the both of us kept from the moment we became friends, right until the second Jared appeared into our lives. The guilt of teaming up with the man who’d broken his heart was eating me up inside and recently, I’d begun to question whether it was all worth it in the end.
Once the awkward event of breakfast was over, we started to converse about the gala.
“I think Damon should host it, but we should hold it at the Barsotti Manor, don’t you think?” Jared said, turning to Yuki who nodded. I questioned his decision, wondering why I could not just host it in my own home. The pack was strong enough to handle Andrew and whoever he planned on bringing along.
“Because Barsotti Manor has been vacant for a decade now. No one lives there so we’ll be keeping our collateral damage to a minimum. I know your pack members are more than capable of taking Andrew on, but I’m beginning to understand Jasmine’s logic. We need to involve as few people in our mess as possible… and if luck has it, perhaps we’ll be visited by her. So, I’m going to need you to be as anti-subtle as you can be. This great and grand gala will need to be the biggest event for the year in order to truly ensure Andrew’s buy-in.” He then paused momentarily and then took the time gaze at each of us. “I’d also like to give us a sort of ‘limitation’. There will be no casualties on our side. None of the guests besides those of Andrew may be hurt. We will not have another ‘Timmy situation’ again. Jasmine was right in hating us for causing him harm by not being transparent. That is not who we are or what we stand for, and it’s not what we promised her. We either save everyone, or we die trying.”
Jared had everyone riled up and ready for a fight. It was becoming more and more apparent why he was in charge of this little group of vigilantes. His way with words was impeccable, and although I hated him dearly for what he’d done to Landon, I could see why Jasmine had been so fond of and hurt by him. And perhaps he, like me, had lost his way, and himself along his own road of pain.