34: Self-sabotage; self-sacrifice

**Jasmine**

No phone, no money and no idea where I was. These were the problems I faced as I walked around aimlessly. It was all good and well stomping off angrily when I had no idea where I was stomping off to. I tried asking for directions from people I passed along the way, but they either tried to steal something from me or simply ignored me. Wherever I was, it was clearly not a very friendly place. Eventually I decided it best to take some time to collect my thoughts and come up with a good, logical strategy on how to get back home. But, when I took a seat on the bench, my mind immediately went back to my friends and Damon. I was still sore emotionally, but I hated the way I reacted to everything. As a woman who had been alone most of her life, they had been the only family I had. Even Damon who honestly was the most confusing person I had met. It took a lot to get me to actually like him and want him in my life. But surprisingly, having Damon around was now a luxury I couldn’t afford. I needed to stay as far away from not only him, but the others too, because, although I was pissed off, I still needed to keep them as safe as possible. This was my mess, and they had no business in trying to deal with it. Andrew was still a mystery to me, and I feared the uncertainty surrounding him and who he walked for, especially if he was working for−
It didn't take long before I felt a hand on my shoulder and smelled the familiar scent of Damon. I was glad that my werewolf abilities had returned. I’d need them now more than ever.
"You do know you left without your cell phone or money. How were you planning on leaving, exactly?"
I didn't utter a word to him, and instead gazed forward, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. Did he honestly need to be here now?
He sighed softly and then took a seat next to me. "Listen, I get that you're mad, but did you really need to quit? You and I both know that without you this whole thing falls into shambles. You are literally the centre point to taking down Andrew−"
"Which is why I need to do it alone. I don't think you understand the severity of this. I never asked people to protect me. I never asked you or them. It’s burdening." I didn’t really mean it. At least, I don’t think I did.
"They don't want to protect you because they want something in return or expect something from you. They want to protect you because they love you."
His last three words struck a chord in me, and immediately I stood up and stared at him, saying, "I never asked people to love me. In fact, I think my life would have been simpler if they didn't. I'm so careless sometimes and I let myself believe that I can be loved. But then life has a cruel way of showing me I can't. So, you are all better remembering me like this- angry and selfish and hypocritical." By now I was breathless and had hot tears streaming down my face. I hadn't wanted to spill my feelings over to Damon like this, but I couldn't help it. He brought out the best and worst in me and made it difficult for me to hide from him.
He stood up and took my hands in his, a gentle look decorated his eyes. I pulled them away immediately and folded my arms. He'd changed, yes, but I still hadn’t, and I stood by my idea that feelings were off the table between the two of us, no matter how much I was beginning to like him and the soft heart he had been hiding away from me.
"You’re confusing, complicated and contradictory. I don’t know what you want anymore. The first time you found out we were mates you told me we'd never work because I was so cold and heartless, and you wanted our relationship to be based on love. But now that I'm trying to show you that I am not cold and that I actually do have a heart, and that I actually do want to love you, you keep pushing me away."
I reached a hand out and brushed it against the side of his face. "I know and I’m sorry. I said what I did because I never believed for a second that I’d grow to like you. Now, I wish I hated you."
Silence hung in the air for a while as the gravity of what I’d said weighed down on us.
"I'll drive you back home,” he said in an effort to erase my words from before. “I'm guessing that's where you want to go?"
I nodded and said, "I do, yes. I'd like to collect my things, and then perhaps start moving to the next town, and get Andrew the hell away from you all. As for the ride, it's okay, I−"
"Please? We're about five hours away. Can't you just spend a few more hours with me? We don't have to talk."
He truly was milking this. But desperation was a new and good look on him. So, against my better judgement, I agreed. "But don't think this means I'm not mad at you."
"I wouldn't dream of it," he said as he walked to the car and then opened the door for me. I got in silently and almost immediately, cast my gaze out the window. We didn't speak at all for the first few hours. Instead, we remained sad and silent. But the silence gave me time to think, and wonder. I wondered whether I was truly doing the right thing. All I wanted in life, was to keep the damage I caused to an extreme minimum. But then again, that too was a lie. What I truly wanted in life, was to save everyone in mine. Perhaps it was impossible or far-fetched, but I'd be damned if I didn't even try.
"You know, it's quite funny how our views on love are so similar yet so different..." After he’d said this, he fell back into a sense of silence.
His remark, however, made curious. "What do you mean?"
He turned the steering wheel, before saying, "It's nothing. It won't matter now anyway." He then turned toward me for a quick glance. "Just make sure you stay safe, because now you truly will have none of my protection at all−"
"But you will have all of mine."
He chuckled.
“You’re much different that I first assumed. It’s a damn shame I won’t get to undress more of your personality."
I couldn't say anything back to him, and we remained silent for the rest of the way.
When we finally reached home, the night sky was littered with glittering stars and the air had gotten colder. It was about 1 a.m. in the morning and the place was near deserted.
“Are you sure you’ll be alright? Do you need money? What ab−"
"I’m surprised your hair hasn’t greyed with all of your unnecessary worrying. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself thank you very much." With that I opened the door and left the car before walking towards the entrance of the apartment building. I hadn’t gotten far when I felt Damon grab my hand once more and pull me into his chest.
"Hey−"
But he cut me off with his lips which gently kissed at mine. "Goodbye," he whispered gently against my lips, before letting me go abruptly and taking long, quick strides to his car. He never turned back to look at me, not even when he drove off. I let out a breath I hadn’t even realised that I was even holding, and I began wondering whether I was crazy or not for hoping he'd turn back around and refuse to leave my side. But I knew that those kinds of things only happened in the movies. This was real life, and I had to make real decisions, no matter how much they hurt me.

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Hello there! Just a heads up that chapter updates may be slower this week! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I know I've been dragging their goodbye out for a few chapters now, but I can now confidently say that this was their final **goodbye**.