27: Pleasant company

**Tristan**

"So, tell me about yourself, Love," Lucien said as he began swirling his straw in his chocolate milkshake which he'd bought soon after he finished his previous sweet drink. I honestly couldn't believe how such a body could belong to someone who ate as much sugar as he did.

I placed my sandwich down on the table- I was still even on my first slice- and then finished chewing before asking what he wanted to know. Of course, I'd need to twist the truth here and there.

"I want to know what you were like as a child. Were you always this uptight and serious? How did you grow up... who took you in after your parents passed?"

I was never really given the opportunity to talk about myself to anyone except Oliver, and even then, I listened much more than I spoke. And so, I found this little exchange of ours quite intriguing. No one had ever asked about me the way he always tried to.

"Well according to a friend of mine...no, I haven't been this uptight all my life. I can't say I disagree with him. I was different before I was taken in. Still stern and distant to those who didn't know me, but open and free with those who did. Now, I try to stay away from opening myself up to others. I can't seem to be able to *feel* as much as I should. I supposed my upbringing had an influence on my personality. I was taught to suppress everything, to push away anything even close to feeling."

Lucien's eyes widened at this, and he asked, rather surprised, "You were raised not to feel? The person who took you in... they didn't hurt you did they?"

I caught on to what he was implying and shook my head frantically. "Of course not. In the beginning, he wasn't around that much. He left me in the care of others who were very kind and caring. But he'd given me a choice the moment we met- I could either continue through life stuck in the death of my family, or I could toughen up and develop some sort of purpose. And so, I chose the latter. I didn't want to live my life wallowing over what I had lost. Instead, I wanted to become stronger."

Lucien smiled at me, catching me off guard. But as I gazed up at that smile, I realised that I quite liked it. On the side of his cheek formed a deep dimple and on the sides of his lips, small little curves. I had to say, seeing him smile was... beautiful, especially when his smile was so genuine.

"You remind me of Damon's mate, Jasmine. She's one hell of a fighter. I see the same in you, a fighter."

There was that name again, Jasmine. Just the very mention of it gave me an unmistakable feeling of absolute nostalgia, to a time in which I was younger. I wondered when I'd meet this "Jasmine" and whether or not she'd be able to hold a candle to the Jasmine I once knew long ago when I was younger.

"I've fought my whole life for everything I have, and I've given up my emotions because of everything I've fought for. Sometimes I wonder whether it was all worth it..." I said, thinking out loud. And as I said this, Lucien reached out and placed his hand on top of mine. I gazed up and was met with a pair of intense eyes, as though he'd been listening to every single word I'd said. I couldn't quite take the intensity of all this attention, and so I averted it from myself to him.

"What about you, Lucien. How did you grow up... also, I recall hearing something about you having come back after three years? Why did you leave?" I knew most of this story by now, excluding the reason he actually left three years ago, but I wanted to hear it directly from him. I wanted to see the types of facial expressions he'd make, whether he'd cry or laugh or feel any sort of nostalgia as he brought these memories back up.

Lucien sighed and leaned back into his seat before biting at his lower lip. It was one of the most serious looks I'd ever seen him wear, and I found myself intrigued by it.

"You really want to know about me?" He asked.

I nodded curtly, "Yes."

"Well... I'm not the nice guy I pretend to be. Believe it or not, I'm nothing short of a monster, no less than a devil walking the Earth. But I guess my story begins right when I began to change. I wasn't always this awful. In fact, once upon a time I was perhaps an actual nice person. I looked after my brother and sister, I worked hard to make my father proud. I could do no wrong. But everything changed the day my father died. I never grew up with my biological mother. My father killed her when I was born. And so, both London- whose mother had faced the same fate- and I were raised by Damon's mother, Rose. The day my father was killed by my brother was the day I changed."

I almost gasped as I heard that. Damon had killed his father? The whole idea seemed absolutely unthinkable.

"But why'd he kill him?" I asked.

And it was then that Lucien's expression fell into one of deep anger and resentment. "My father was an even greater monster than I was. That disgusting man hurt Rose... and in a way, Damon was only trying to protect her, to keep her from getting hurt again. Unfortunately, she died after our father died and I just found myself hating my brother, not only for taking my parents away from me, but for taking the one thing I thought I earned- the title as Alpha. And so, I left the pack and started trying to forget about them. That was when I eventually met Damon's mate, Jasmine. She was an orphan back then and, although she'd only met me then, I'd met her before. It was long before, on the night her parents died. I rescued her from the fate she would have faced if she'd stayed with her parents. But at that moment, I already knew by her scent that she was Damon's mate. When I met her a few years after I discovered that she was uneducated, unloved and lonely, and so I took her in, educated her and began trying to give her a life she would never have had on the streets she roamed. I even started the entire Vixen organisation with her. But as time went on, I accidentally fell in love with her and began to grow possessive over her. I wouldn't let her out of my sight in fear of becoming alone. And so, I began making her life hell and taking away everything she cared for if it wasn't related to me. I wanted to be the only thing in her life, because for me, at that time, she was the only thing in my life. But eventually she and Damon found each other, and she escaped the both of us. I tried everything to find her. I was *obsessed* and the second I found her; I began hurting her all over again. Soon I realised that I was becoming my father. I was becoming possessive and dark and monstrous. But I couldn't stop myself. The more I tried to escape him, the more I saw him staring right back at me in the mirror, like a ghost haunting me. And so, I came up with an absolutely brutal game involving not only Jasmine but my brother too. The aim of the game was to hurt them enough to make them hate me enough to kill me. Because they were the only two people deserving enough to kill me... especially Jasmine. I tried my best to make them both hate me. I did every cruel thing I could think of, but none could muster up the hate needed to kill me. But I was stupid back then and the young woman I worked with was greedy. She attempted to kill Jasmine and so I sacrificed myself to save her. I thought then that I finally got what I deserved- death. But I was proven wrong again. By some miracle I was saved... and that miracle was Jasmine. I'd never had someone so desperate to have me alive. So, I decided from that day onward I'd live for her, and I'd try my hardest not to let my obsession take over and hurt her again, which was why I left. Admittedly the first year away from her was hell, but as the days passed by, I got used to my own loneliness again, and I managed to suppress the obsession I carried. Now, the only problem I seem to have is the inability to get over my feelings for her."

By the time he had finished speaking, I was stunned. There *was* more to Lucien than I'd ever anticipated, and now I was beyond interested.

Lucien smirked and leaned forward, bringing his face close to mine and my breath hitched at the proximity between the two of us.

"There are two types of people in this world Tristan-" he called me by my name, which made me focus even more on what he was saying, "- there are people who are able to completely vanquish their own demons and then there are people who are vanquished by their demons."

"So, which one are you?" I asked curiously.

Lucien's smirk deepened and he leaned in towards my ear before whispering softly, "I'm neither. I've neither vanquished nor been vanquished by my demons. Instead, I became my demons. I let them consume me until there was no more distinguishing between the man and the monster.”

But I couldn't quite say I agreed with him, and so I began to verbally disagree. "I don't think so."

He leaned away from me with his eyebrows raised in astonishment. "You don't agree?"

I shook my head and then began explaining. "There must be something good in you, something worth fighting for. If there was not, then your brother and his mate would never have found it in themselves to live with you, let alone fight for you to live. Think about it, Lucien, you rescued an orphaned girl from the streets and gave her a purpose. Yes, you hurt her, but when you discovered what you'd done wrong you wanted to take responsibility... even though you did not go about it in the right way. And..." I bit my lip and hesitated before continuing, "you've done nothing but treat me well ever since we met. Yes, you really annoy the shit out of me... but I find your company... pleasant."

Lucien's jaw dropped and he scoffed before asking, "Was that a compliment from Tristan Creed?"

I blushed slightly and then shook my head. "Don't let it get to your head. I said your company was pleasant, nothing more."

"But from your lips pleasant means extraordinarily amazing, doesn't it?"

"I-it doesn't..." I stuttered out frustrated. It was the last time I'd be complimenting him.

Lucien chuckled at my reaction and then reached out before placing his fingertips under my chin, emitting soft little sparks. He lifted my head slightly so that I was now staring into his golden eyes and then tilted his head to the side.

"Seeing as you're so wise, what do you think about my feelings for my brother's mate? I've heard many times that the love I have for her is not what I think it is."

I waited a moment before answering him, drawing myself into deep thought. From what I'd gathered from both Oliver and Lucien, I couldn't quite draw up a good conclusion as to whether Lucien truly was in love with his brother's mate. I'd have to see his actions regarding her and the way he acted towards her before I could say anything certain. 

"I'm afraid I can't say yet. But from what you've told me, I think you might just be infatuated with the idea of having someone to love, but you're afraid to love someone else because you're afraid to be alone. With Jasmine you don't have this fear. You know that no matter what you do, she'll always be with you, no matter how far apart you are. You can hurt her, and she'd still forgive you because you've made it that way from the moment you rescued her. She can *never* repay that debt of you rescuing her, nor can she repay you for saving her life, and so no matter how awful you become towards her, she has no choice but to forgive you, again, because you've *made* it that way. Your selflessness has given rise to your ability to be selfish. You're also afraid of letting her go because you're afraid of what will occupy your mind if she isn't in it. You're afraid of the darkness, of the loneliness and emptiness. And you're right, you have become your demons and Jasmine is the only reminder of your humanity, of your goodness. Without her you fear you'll turn completely into your father..." By the time I'd said this, I realised that Lucien had been hanging onto every single word I'd been saying. And so, I cleared my throat and said, "But this is all according to the information I have at my disposal now. It's all just a little uncertain theory and may all just be nonsense."

The air then fell silent between us for a moment, and I wondered if I'd said anything wrong, or if I should have said anything in the first place. And then finally, after a few more moments of silence, Lucien finally began to speak again. "For someone so incapable of feeling most emotions, you sure know a lot about emotions and thoughts in general."

I sighed internally in relief, satisfied that I hadn't completely offended him (which was quite strange since I usually did not care whether or not I offended anyone).

"Well, I picked up the habit over the years. I enjoy reading people and figuring out what emotional state they are in. I find it quite entertaining."

And after I said that a wicked smile made its way onto his face- never ever a good sign.

"Speaking of entertainment, are you free the rest of today?" He asked slyly.

I shook my head before telling him that I was not free, to which he replied, "Well according to me, you are free. So, come along now, I have my own kind of entertainment planned for the rest of today, and I know for a fact that you'll enjoy every moment of it!"

"Wait a moment! I can't just skip work Lucien! Your brother would fire me within a heartbeat!" I yelled out, astounded at this man's obliviousness.

Lucien scoffed and waved his arms before saying, "Please, Love, Damon couldn't fire you even if he tried. Besides, I'm sure you've gotten most of the work for the day out of the way. You seem the type to be extra prepared."

"Well... yes. I just finished everything before my lunch break. But Damon always needs more. What if he needs another cup of coffee? Or what if he wants me to squeeze in another meeting today or gather more documents for his presentation? What then?"

*Oh, Moon Goddess, what has this mission reduced me to! I was practically Damon’s babysitter.*

"Well then he'll just have to get off of his lazy ass and do those things himself."

"-But!"

He then stood up and immediately pulled me up and towards his chest before whispering in my ear, very gently, "I have a tendency to get hornier the more excuses you make. So, you decide just how much you want to test my limits, Love. I could just have my way with you in this very bathroom and then everyone will know what a *good girl* you are..."