36: A lesson about love

**Jasmine**

The more I tried to plan my life around saving Macy, the less I saw myself actually having any way to save her. In fact, I was even thinking of asking for help from Landon, because when it came to hacking, I was pathetic. Then again, I did still have money in my forbidden account. Perhaps I'd need to just give in and use it. What good was it to me lying and collecting dust in a bank account. Lucien’s money could now finally be used for something good. But that also meant going to the bank which was yet another pain. I hated leaving my room too much. Although the guilt of Timmy had died down, I now avoided his mother for a different reason−the fact that I had never visited Timmy once. The more I thought about it, the more ashamed of myself I became. Damon was right, I shouldn’t have avoided him to begin with. Sometimes, I wished that I was less stubborn.
After a few more minutes of checking my bank account to ensure the money was all there, I packed my things and submitted a moving out notice. My landlord would just have to deal with it being so close to my actual moving out. Packing was not too much trouble and all of my belongings fitted perfectly in three medium sized bags. I preferred travelling light. After I was perfectly satisfied with everything, I occupied myself with my laptop, researching as much as I possibly could about Andrew’s whereabouts. I hardly found anything and before I knew it, it was 7a.m. the next morning.
I took a quick shower and after making sure that I’d left nothing behind, grabbed my bags and headed to the door. This was it, another goodbye. As I reached the doorpost, I took a few last glances at the place, and then, with a heavy heart, exited the apartment, leaving the keys on the table for the landlord to find. I didn't make it very far through the corridor and was stopped suddenly by a familiar smiling face which froze me in place.
"Quinn!" Mrs Keane gasped out and embraced me tightly.
I felt tears prickle at my eyes and a sore lump begin to form in my throat, as I said softly, "Mrs Keane... it's good to see you."
She pulled away from the hug and then inspected my appearance. As soon as she saw the bags, her eyes brightened up in realisation and, instead of commenting on them she asked sweetly, "How about a cup of tea, before you leave?"
I nodded, without even thinking. She grabbed onto my hand with the warmth of hers and guided me into her apartment. The moment I stepped foot inside, tears suddenly streamed down my face as I saw Timmy sitting, almost half-asleep at the counter. But his face brightened up at the sight of me and immediately he came running towards me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Quinn! I missed you so much!" He said with his face buried in my shirt.
"I-I−" But I couldn't even form a coherent sentence without crying and eventually, I knelt down and wrapped my arms around him too in a tight embrace. I'd missed him so much over the past few weeks and it was clearly showing.
We then both let go, and he noticed my bags. "You're leaving?" he asked, tears streaming down his face too. I took a quick glance at my bags and then nodded, returning my gaze to him once more.
"Why?" he asked with furrowed eyebrows.
I was about to answer when his mother said, "Timmy, it's rude to ask such things. Now, why don't the two of you sit at the table and talk while I make the tea, okay?"
Timmy nodded and held my hand as we went to the table. I set my bags down and sat right next to him.
"So, when were you discharged?" I asked.
"A few days ago.” He then paused, and scratched the back of his head, before saying, "Quinn... you know it wasn't your fault that that man came after me.” He gulped and I held a breath as he continued. "Mr Michaels told us that you didn't want to see me because you felt it was your fault, and that you were very sad because of this. But you don't need to worry, you didn't force Andrew to hurt me. It’s *really* not your fault, Quinn." He was a ten-year-old boy, but my goodness did he have a way of completely destroying my heart. And clearly, so did Damon, whose good deeds were still slowly coming to light. He really didn't have to say anything, but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't appreciate it and everything he had done. The more I thought about it, the more I was beginning to see the positive impact Damon had made on my life by getting involved in it.
I turned to Timmy, new tears down my face, and gave him another hug. It felt good, being here and hearing him say that it wasn't my fault. It was as though a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest and shoulders and I closed my eyes and savoured the feeling of relief.
Mrs Keane eventually came with the tea and a few of her signature scones which I gobbled up like a gluttonous little demon. "Hungry as ever, I see." She smiled at me. I chuckled and nodded.
Mrs Keane stared at me gently for a while, making me shuffle and wriggle uncomfortably in her gaze. "Where do you plan on going, if you don't mind me asking?"
I set my teacup down and then shook my head. "I'm not too sure. Just, anywhere away from here, and away from you guys. I don't want you to get hurt, because of me."
Mrs Keane set her cup down loudly and her face turned stern. It was unusual to see her look so serious and firm and I almost shuddered under her gaze.
"Timmy, could you go and take a shower please?"
He protested, but after a deadly 'mom glare', he nodded and went to the shower reluctantly.
Mrs Keane then turned towards me, crossed her legs over and folded her hands together, resting them on her knees. "You, Quinn Emerson are not responsible for the actions, losses or deaths of other people in your life. Stop blaming yourself for things you have no part in. Damon told me all about you, Jasmine Spectra. A woman alone in the world who has had to take on so much, be so much, do so much. You are strong, independent, damn it, you could bring the entire world right down to its knees. Your only downfall," she then reached over the table and placed her hand on my chest, "is this beating heart of yours. It's pure gold, but, when things get tough, you tend to close it off. I know this, because I had the same problem. I grew up an orphan with no one and nothing. Everywhere I went, loss followed, and I couldn't help but feel as though I was cursed and doomed to a life of loneliness." She then sat back and smiled. "Then I met someone special, my husband. He turned everything around, broke down my walls and wriggled his way into my heart. Then we had Timmy and Richard, and life just seemed to get a little better, a little easier. I began focussing on the things I had in my life, and not the things I had lost.
You see, losing people is all part of life. You love, you lose, then you love again, and lose again. Some people lose more people than others, but it's just life. You should not hide your heart away because you're afraid of losing the people in your life and getting yourself or others hurt. The pain is just a part of being human."
She stopped, smirked and said, "And as for trying to protect us, that's nothing for you to worry your precious little head about. It's not your job to save the whole world. You keep on trying to take on more than you can handle, which is a lot considering how strong you are. I see it in the way you look after Timmy and me. But you don't need to, Jasmine. You need to live your life and experience relationships. You have so many people who love you, regardless of how dangerous you might think you are. Life is too short my dear, and one day, you'll realise that all you've ever done is just look after everyone else, except yourself."
I couldn’t breathe, nor speak. This was exactly what I needed. She was exactly what I needed, and I found myself clinging onto every single word. And although I heard similar things being said by others, she made it feel as though I was hearing them for the first time. Perhaps it was because Damon had told her a bit about who I really was. Or perhaps it was because I now felt connected to her. We were both orphans, alone in the world. Only, she had her children and, although he was almost never home, her husband too.
"You will never be able to save the whole world. You can try, but it's all just madness. The people you can try to save are those that need you in their lives. So, don't go chasing everyone away, okay?"
I hadn't even realised that the tears were now flowing down my face, until she reached over and touched at them, wiping them away with her thumbs. "Thank you, Mrs Keane," I said.
She stood up and walked to me, embracing me tightly. "You're welcome, my dear. Don’t ever blame yourself for things out of your control again, alright? You are a special young lady and a blessing to anyone's life. And more importantly, you are family."
The word ‘family’ made me cry even harder. Yes, I was an emotionally raw mess, but I couldn't help myself. When I felt, I felt deeply until the emotions all consumed me, because that was who I was. Emotional, stubborn, dangerous, but also no longer cursed.
Once the crying was done, and the tea and scones were all finished, I excused myself from the table and bid them farewell.
"You’re still leaving?" Mrs Keane asked.
I laughed and said, "Although you made an excellent point, I still just need to make sure that Andrew doesn't come looking for me here. But your words struck a chord in me, so I will be taking some company with."
"Damon?" she exclaimed out excitedly before I reached the doorknob. I froze. He was still a sensitive topic for me. I missed him, more than I’d ever admit.
“No."
She frowned and then asked, "But you and him... is there a possibility of you two ever being something?"
It seemed she was his biggest fan. I appreciated her rooting for us, but I couldn’t lie to her. So, I admitted truthfully, "I'm not sure."
She smiled and said, "You two have something magnetic about you. I saw it the first time I saw you two together. It's strange but somehow beautiful. Don’t let something that rare pass you by." I nodded at her and bid her farewell, catching on to what she was implying. I made no point to defend my boring love life; it was no use now since the probability of me seeing Damon was still relatively low, and so I let her believe in my fictitious love affair with someone else.
I'd come back later for a last goodbye before leaving. It was the least I could do for them. Mrs Keane had finally helped me to understand something I was repeatedly made aware of. No matter how hard I tried, the people I loved would still end up getting hurt, and, as she said, there was nothing I could do about it, because it was all just a part of life. Perhaps now, I could at least try to let people in as I had done with Timmy and her, because, although Timmy did get hurt, he was still alive and kicking and in my life. All I could do now was pray that the next person I was about to drag into it, would stick around for a long while. Or at least until Macy was safe and back home.

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Hello there! So I figured I'd squeeze out one more chapter before my whole week is consumed with tests and assignments. Hope you enjoyed this little turning point for Jasmine. Sending all my love and best wishes to all of you for the week ahead!