55: Pleasant conversation

**Lucien**

I hated not being around Tristan, especially at places and functions like this. She made things more bearable, and she made me calmer and… I just liked her company in general. Part of the reason I’d come to this function was to figure out where I stood regarding my feelings for Jasmine. The verdict? Conflicted. I wanted so desperately to let her go but there was something still connecting me to her, and I wasn’t sure what it was anymore. In fact, I was now beginning to question whether it was love at all or whether this was something else. Because if I compared what I felt for Tristan to what I felt toward Jasmine, the two feelings were completely different and yet similar.

I, however, was not the only person stuck in my head. Thanks to Tristan’s galivanting with her sister, I had gotten myself into a rather uncomfortable situation. I was stuck here in the living room with Loren. She was silent but judging by the fact that she’d subjected herself to sitting in this empty room with me, and taking into consideration her loud and thoughtful silence, it wasn’t difficult for me to guess what, or rather who, was on her mind.

“You know you don’t have to act as though you don’t still have feelings for Oliver.” I said, knowing full well that the devil I was speaking about was listening from the next room. The things I did for family. If I didn’t get the “Best Michaels” of the year award, then there was no hope for this family.

She gazed up at me, startled and then cast her eyes down to the floor before scoffing. “It’s none of your business. And I don’t have feelings for him.” Denial wasn’t a good look for her.

“That’s like me saying I don’t have feelings for Tristan. Anyone with eyes can see how much I adore her.” I said with a smirk. Although what I had said was true, I did absolutely adore Tristan, I did say it as a little jab towards Oliver. I knew that he did love Loren and I knew that Tristan only had feelings for me, but I didn’t quite like the way he hugged her, nor the fact that before he had come to ask me this favour, he was with her outside. Call it unnecessary overreacting if you’d like, but I thought of it as a way to ease my mind and tame the lurking jealousy I had.

What I said did, however, seem to ease Loren into the conversation as well, so I successfully killed two birds with one stone.

“Did you two get along at first?”

I smiled as my mind went back to our first meeting here and then to our second meeting at Damon’s workplace. I thought it best to bring up the latter.

“Well, she broke my nose in the beginning, so I don’t think so, no.”

She laughed a little. “Yeah, she does seem the type to be feisty. She is, after all, Jasmine’s sister.” She then fell silent and asked, softly, “What changed?”

She seemed to be engrossed in our conversation now, and I was too. The more I thought about Tristan, the calmer I felt and the less my mind wandered to the emotional mess I was currently in.

I began to let all of the memories of Tristan and me, resurface, and soon, I couldn’t help but share the journey Tristan and I had been on so far. I told her about Tristan’s difficulty at feeling emotions but her ability to read them well. Then I began to tell her about how she was slowly changing and how we had begun to bring out parts of each other that we thought were lost or parts that we didn’t even know existed.

“…but-” I said, interrupting my wonderful sense of reminiscence, “- I don’t want to hurt her. I mean, you know how out of control my feelings for Jasmine became. I’m just unsure about whether or not I’m able to let go of that part of myself.”

What I said seemed to make Loren feel weary, and I knew her weariness was not because of me, but because of Oliver. He’d hurt her too, and now, she wondered whether or not Oliver had truly let go of that awful part of himself too. And so, I did something that not only surprised her, but surprised me as well. I reached out and gently touched at her hand.

“But I won’t stop trying to fight that part of myself until I’ve vanquished it completely… for her.” That was when I realised that Tristan had given me a reason to fight. She’d given me a reason to want to keep on changing and not just stay stuck in my self-pity, self-hatred and loneliness. But still… something else lurked at the back of my mind, something keeping me from killing that weak and selfish part of myself. And still, I could not put my finger on it.

Loren surprisingly twisted her hand and clasped her fingers around mine. “I still don’t like you… but thanks.”

I was confused, to say the least. But when I saw her soft smile, I knew exactly what she was thanking me for- a new perspective and… hope.

“You’re welcome. Now, go and *try* to converse with the man for Goddess sake!” I said, removing my hand from her grasp.

She bit at her lip nervously and then shook her head. “Not yet… I think I still need a bit of time. I mean, you and Tristan seem to be ready to move forward but I don’t think it’s the same for Oliver and me. I’m not ready yet.”

I nodded in understanding. Perhaps she was right. Oliver and Loren shared a lot more history and a lot more hurt than Tristan and I did, and so it made sense that she wasn’t ready to move forward yet.

“Well, when you’re ready, I’m sure Oliver will be more than willing to take a step forward with you as well. After you, there’s never been anyone else in his life, and knowing him, there never will be anyone but you.”

She nodded and then smiled again, but this smile was different and had me confused once more.

“What?” I asked.

“It’s funny how life sometimes twists us up into the worst versions of ourselves… but then eventually, we find someone who unravels us into the way we used to be… and sometimes, like in your case, they bring out the best possible version of who we are. I think you’re very lucky to have Tristan in your life and I hope that you never take her for granted. Because if you do, I’m sure her sister will murder you for real this time.”

And as soon as she finished her sentence, Tristan entered the room. She wore a happy look on her face, well, minus a smile, of course. But her happy expression turned to one of surprise when she saw Loren in the room as well.

“I didn’t expect the two of you to be in the same breathing space.” She said.

I chuckled and Loren did too.

“Neither did I.” Loren replied. She then stood up and began making her way for the exit of the room. However, just before she exited, she stopped at the doorpost, turned to me and said. “I meant what I said though. I still don’t like you.”

I smiled in return and said, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

With that, she left.

Tristan took a seat next to me and surprised me by enclosing her hand around mine. She was warmer than me, despite having just gotten back from being outside. I gently split our fingers apart and intertwined them together before gazing down at her with a smile. Her smile, although missing from her lips, shone brilliantly from her eyes.

“What was that all about?” She asked.

I reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. She leaned into my touch, and I could feel the electricity pulse between my fingers and the side of her face. “About Oliver.”

“Uh huh. So that’s why he was lurking around in the other room.” I nodded and then began to explain to her the favour had asked of me, and then this surprisingly enlightening encounter I’d had with Loren.

Shortly afterward, Tristan and I decided to leave. She and I had a long day tomorrow since we both hadn’t found time during the week to shop for what we needed for the house renovations and now had to do so in the morning.

When we arrived outside of the yard of Tristan’s apartment unit, she retrieved something from her pocket and glanced at it for a moment. It was a photograph, and when I looked at it a little closer, I could see that it was one of her and her sister. My eyes immediately zeroed in on one of the most beautiful expressions I’d ever seen on the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.

“Wow, what a smile.” I said gently.

Tristan tilted her head to the side and touched gently at the place where her sister stood in the photograph.

“Yeah, Jasmine was always the photogenic one.” She said. But that was not what I meant and so I corrected myself.

“I wasn’t talking about Jasmine.” I then gently took the photograph from her hands and pointed to the younger version of Tristan. “I was talking about you. If you looked this beautiful smiling back then, I can’t even imagine how beautiful you’d look if you smiled now.”

She blushed brightly and then suddenly touched her hands to her cheeks. When she looked as adorable as she did now, I just wanted to-

“I’ve got to go… I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” She said nervously. I could tell that she wanted to… as well. But I suppose she was still being cautious after the last time.