Chapter 45

Zara's POV
Ismaya studied me closely. “You have to consider what makes you happy,” she said, thoughtfully. “Marriage isn’t just about what other people expect. It’s your life and your decision. Don’t let the pressure get to you.”
Her words struck a chord. I knew she was right; marriage was a big step, and my heart and development played a part too. But in the midst of this uncertainty, I felt uncertain and unsure of which way to go.
“Thank you, Ismaya. I’ll think about it,” I replied, trying to express my gratitude for the support she had given me.
We parted ways to continue our respective duties. I shook the crown of anxiety that still remained in my head and tried to focus on my work as a doctor. Seeing the frontline patients and trying to give them the best was the best way to distract myself from the personal problems that were weighing me down.
When I carried out my role in examining patients with dedication, I felt for a moment my tongue was freed from the doubts and burdens that had been pressing down on me. Helping them and giving my best in my work was not only satisfying but also a way to contribute to the larger world.
For the next few hours, I did my best to provide the care that was needed, giving my full attention to each patient who came in. These moments gave me peace and helped ease the anxiety that was plaguing me.
I hoped that as the days went by, it would become clear to me what I should decide in my life. With all the choices available, I wanted to make sure that the decisions I made were the best for my future.
It was a fairly normal day at the hospital where I worked until suddenly, Doctor Leo’s voice caught my attention. “I heard you’re getting married,” he said casually, his eyes looking at me intently.
“Yes, but I’m hesitant,” I answered honestly. Even though I had made the decision to get married, doubts crept into my heart. There were many confusing factors, and the desire to find happiness was weighing on my mind.
Leo soon changed the subject. He told me about a woman who had caught his attention but there was something strange about her. “I like a woman, but she never knew. I didn’t dare to tell her,” Doctor Leo said, his expression serious.
Surprised by this, I couldn’t help but give him a suggestion. “If you don’t tell her, she won’t be sensitive. Try to tell her how you feel, maybe she’ll feel it too,” I said excitedly. Anyone in Leo’s position should be able to achieve their dreams, right?
But instead of giving me valuable advice, he looked at me very seriously. “Doctor Zara, I like you,” he said in a firm tone.
I was almost shocked and couldn’t hold back my laughter. “I thought you were joking, Doctor Leo,” I replied, feeling that there was no way he was serious. However, when I saw his deep and frank eyes, I knew that this was not a joke.
“I’m not joking,” he continued, making me speechless. Combined between shock and confusion, this situation was getting harder for me to handle. He was so calm, as if expressing his feelings was a normal thing, but I really felt trapped.
Hearing his words made my heart beat fast. And at that moment, I felt speechless. Mixed feelings hit me. On the one hand, I felt flattered and touched, but on the other hand, my heart was still filled with doubts about the follow-up to the wedding that was almost here.
“Leo, I… don’t know what to say. Look, I love someone else and I’m committed,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm while various emotions hit my mind.
“It’s okay, Zara. I just want you to know,” he replied calmly. But there was sadness in his eyes, and even though I didn’t want to hurt him, I knew the reality was undeniable.
In that tense moment, I felt trapped between two worlds—one with a marriage in doubt and another with someone who might truly love me, creating an unexpected emotional dilemma.
“Leo, I respect your feelings. You’re a good friend to me. Let’s not make this more complicated,” I finally said, my heart still heavy with mixed emotions. He nodded, though I could see the disappointment in his eyes.
The conversation left a deep impression on me, making me increasingly doubtful of the decisions I would make in the future. My feelings became more and more confused, and as time passed, I realized that life might not always go as we planned.
My wedding day finally arrived. The atmosphere around me was bustling and lively, but deep inside, I felt a deep sense of confusion. As I looked at myself in the mirror in my beautiful wedding gown, I couldn’t shake the emptiness that was eating away at my soul.
“I’m sorry, Orion,” my heart said, creating a muffled sound amidst the hustle and bustle of the wedding preparations. I knew that Orion loved me, and he had tried hard to make our relationship work, but somehow, my feelings for him seemed to fade. A doubt gripped my mind, creating doubts about the steps I was about to take.
I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to be confident, but my focus was lost. Thoughts of Leo and his confession of feelings for me haunted my memory. Even though I knew that the situation could not be realized, the touching feeling he showed and his sincere desire was still in my mind.
What would happen if I went through with this marriage? Was I really ready to live my life with him? And, more than that, would I regret it? Anxiety spread throughout my body, making me even more uncomfortable with the decision I had to make.