Chapter 100

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What a mess I made. No matter what Xaxas did, it wouldn’t have been done if not for *my* inaction when I was supposed to.
But this was the last wrinkle to smooth out.
Tyson’s the easiest, little Heidi’s daughter holds the longest warp, because she was flung throughout it. She saw Kaizen in the future And the First Troll before he lost his eye, being flung in the past.
“Ziri, wipe the mortal.”
I’m still stuffed in a meat puppet. I *can’t* leave it either. I won’t. 
\[Total memory wipe to Infinity starting n-\]
“JUST the bits about who made the ripple.” I yelled.
\[Memory wipe complete ^.^\]
“Let’s go home.” I said stiffly.
There will be more from these little ones… I cannot see past next year. I *am* time. Every event that happens, most times I already know. There is little that surprises me, and that’s a good thing.
If there’s anything more than the fate I brought upon myself, it’s surprises.
My back creaked from all the magic use, especially since it all comes from Ziri. This body cannot make magic. This body is *truly* utterly human, down to the marrow… 
**Zuviel is watching me again.**
I could sense his approach now that he’d blessed the little ones. Arviel is wrong, but he will not listen to me. His arrogance nearly ended all things, yet still he does not learn. Not all things that shine brightly belong to the sun.
Arviel scoffed at that.
But I must be careful…. They are not ready to know the secrets of this universe yet….nor am I ready to reveal them.
May it stay hidden… May I remain as I am, that they may breathe.
He does not necessarily hear me unless my guard is down or I want to be heard, but I shouldn’t go thinking too highly of myself. I am just a man.
Nothing more. While I’m still strong enough… I put an illusion on myself, that I didn’t look… so decrepit. I am a breath away from dying, but he does not need to know that. The issue that caused it is fixed.
“I wanted to check on you.” Said Zuviel, and I started some tea. He too likes gardening, something he’ll never admit, but will always appreciate.
“I’m fine. Come, have a seat. I picked this lemongrass this morning.” I smiled.
“No I must say this before I will not.” He said sitting down. “It is *my* job to behead you…. It is *my* job to reap. You aren’t allowed to do this; I hold too much investment in this world to allow it without considerable consideration.”
“We can watch the children from here. A break would be nice.” I said bringing the hot mugs. “All this talk of death and reaping is giving me indigestion.”
“Alright. Then how about this.”  He waved his hand over my coffee table, and we watched their reactions to knowing about their future babies. 
These are the moments I like most: happy families, and new life…. A stark change from when I was in my real body…. I even get to have some time with my ‘son’.
\-----Samira-----
That forced nap gave me sleep, no rest. I only slept about 2 hours, 2 and a half hours at the absolute Most… but I had no rest from it. All I did was go in circles, round-n-round, blaiming myself, worrying about our child, and now I was in a comfortable spot in the bathroom… It felt nice in here, having the water run.
I tried pretending I was on the castle grounds again… back when I was a little filly running around with mom. She’d know what to do, but I can never see her so long as she remains in Haven… I don’t want to call anyone, nor talk to Uriel. He’s kind, and benevolent, but he’s also 1st general of the Light Court.
At any moment, he could be ordered to cut me open, and he would… He would not disobey and become a bicorn for my sake. No one would do that. As comforting as he felt… his touch burns as much as it comforts…
Isabelle, Grace, Harmony and even Nixxia were outside the door to the guest room, giving me some space.
I could feel the love of the Moon Goddess, but I could not feel happiness… All the what ifs got in the way.
What if my child burns themselves?
What if they can’t even be born?
How cruel is that?
It’s possible, yet, there’s nothing I could do if I’m right…. But I can’t be…. There’s no way the Horned One would do that to his own blood.
I’m a child.
These tears, if not for so many here, could attract an ex addict…. The puddle at my feet is probably a fortune.
I cried in the guest bathroom of Kaizen’s house, not wanting anyone in here with me. I was pregnant, but it wasn’t a joyous occasion…. I was not like Willow, even less like someone as strong as Grace …and Queen Diana is pregnant with Herculian’s baby… Arviel himself will bless that child.
But what of mine? I’m not a child of the Horned One proper… pure magic, in all forms, is not compatible with Tyson’s red magic… 
So what does that mean for our child.
I already knew the answer….
“We should probably open the door.” Said Nixxia.
“No, I think we should give her some space.” Said Grace. “I’m being summoned, so he’ll be here shortly.”
“….ok..” I said being a damn baby.
I held my knees…. Instead of stand up, and open that door, and act like a Queen, I felt caged… I couldn’t bare to get up. My legs felt as if they were chained.
My mother would probably not be ashamed… She would probably tell me that with the fears I have, this is normal, but I still… I still felt like I was weak. Stupid.
“I’m here.” Said Tyson, kneeling down to pull me in his lap and cradle me. “Forgive my absence.” He kissed me on the forehead. “And you’re *not* a child.”
“I am.” I sniffled. “Why am not I like the others?”
 “Because you’re yourself.” He said firmly. “I don’t want you any other way.”
“Tyson… I’m pregnant… but… but.” He kissed my forehead, and I cried in his chest.
“Shh, everything is alright.” He said like a soldier…. Down there changed him, and when I looked him in the eyes, he looked like he belonged Below… but he was my mate. I relished his hot touch.
“How do you know that?” I whispered, and he growled softly. It sounded like he was trying to soothe me with his gruff, wolfish way. It was working.
“I earned a wish for it.” He said simply. “For our child, I am 3rd general…. For you, I am anything.” he kissed me gently on the lips. “I received the Horned One’s favor, and he blesses our pup.”
“So our child will be ok?” I asked, and he smiled, taking both my hands. “I worry because I am a unicorn, that our foal could get sick.”
“Our child will be fine.” He said kissing my right hand, then my left.
We sat on the floor like that a moment, letting the ambient sounds of the packhouse fill the room. The ticking of an office clock, idle chatter and gossip, and the giggles of Warriors clocking in and out now that it was midnight rolled around the room. I could smell them all making their lunches or talking about Rogues or whatever.
But none of that mattered…
“My love, it’s alright to feel as you do. You were alone.” He said simply, kissing my hair. 
“Uriel… even lord Xaxas came to comfort me….” I admitted. “But even still… it was only a couple hours Tyson… I should be better than this.”
“Better than what?” He asked kissing my mark spot. It felt comforting. “Better than thinking our pup was going to suffer, handling the death pulse of the bond, or that a war that would red the whole cosmos asunder in here by yourself is manageable? I saw your suffering Samira… my little mate you are Not weak.” 
I wanted to argue, but I took his compliment… I wanted to tell him that if I was strong, I would have been down there with the others, or at least let them in…. or at least not cired this much.
He growled softly, cradling me.
“We can stay in here as long as you want. You don’t have to be anything for anyone, nor do you have to prove this ‘strength’ you keep talking about….”
“Alright.” I said being in his lap completely…. I didn’t want to go address the world… not like this… not covered in narcotics and snot.
“What you propose is not strength.” He rubbed my back. “What you speak of is bottling up everything, pretending you’re ok until you can’t, and being ‘a badass’…. But that is not strength. We are rulers yes, but we are also people. You’re *allowed* to not be ok.”
“Mother was never once weak…. Not once…. I don’t know if I can recall her ever breaking down as I have…. Ever.” I mumbled.
“I knew your mother. She didn’t show her pain, but she held it. It is why she does not wish to return, nor my grandmother. They have lost loved ones and children… friends… Your mother recanted to me in private once about her being eaten alive so the others could escape…. You cannot compare yourself to someone who has had at LEAST ten or fifteen *thousand* years to be hardened by war.”
He was right…. And I heard him.
“Then I’ll drop it.” I said kissing him on the lips.
“Good. Let’s wash those tears away hmm?” he said reaching over, and turning on the hot water.