Chapter 48 Chapter 48 - Seaching For Nikolai

I decided to go with Mommy Vina and Daddy Ramon.
I just want to know what is going on with Nikolai.
"It is good that you visited us. We missed you and Nicka." Said, Mommy Vina.
I requested Nanny Myrna to look after Nicka while we were going a conversation.
"How is Nikolai?" I started.
"Honestly, we are worried about him. We do not know what is going on with him.
He also does not answer our calls." Daddy Ramon responded.
"Did something happen to you? Did you fight? Is that the issue at the hospital? But since you and Nicka came home, he has not come home here too." Mommy Vina asked one question after the other.
"Did he not tell you?" My simple question.
"Which one he should tell us?" They asked the same question.
They seem to not know.
"What happened to him and Genina?" I finally begged.
FLASHBACK...
Their Point-of-Views
"Hon, Everlee's belly is seven months old. We are going to have a baby soon." Genina announced.
"Hon, promise me you will be fine. We are here in Budapest and you will get well here." As Nikolai held his wife's hand.
"Promise me that you will be happy. Take good care of the baby and Everlee." Noted by Genina.
"What are you trying to say? We will take care of the baby." Nikolai pleaded.
"Just do my request, Hon! Life goes on. Look after them." Genina repeated.
PRESENT...
"They went to Budapest thinking that Genina could still be treated." Mommy Vina's anecdote.
"Until Nikolai called that she did not make it. Genina died. We wanted to go there but Nicks did allow us." Mommy Vina proceeded.
"He did not come home here either. One of my brothers was there looking after Nicks.
We are apprehensive about him because Nicks does not go out of the house.
So we immediately went there. He was always in the room. He does not talk to us.
He lost his interest in everything. He is feeling down, feeling empty, and always miserable.
We would hear him crying out loud and calling for Genina." Daddy Ramon's version.
"He has sleep problems. And he does not eat. He lost too much weight.
So we took him to the specialist. He was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder, also called dysthymia.
It is a continuous long-term chronic form of depression. Not in an instant, it can be alleviated." Mommy Vina's litany.
"Until he committed suicide. He slashed his wrist and we saw he was full of blood inside the comfort room." Daddy Ramon declared.
"What?" I asked in stunned.
It was as if my heart was being crushed by what I am hearing.
"It was a good thing we took him to the hospital right away. From there, we were able to treat his depression better.
It was a long process, Eve. Like we do not want to go back and happen to him again." Mommy Vina pleaded.
I felt my tears drip.
"He started medications and professional help to overcome his depression.
We also do not know his real problem. He did not want to confess. Until he gradually got better for almost three years.
He fought his depression for almost three years. We let him come home here.
Since the doctor said, there he will repeatedly remember Genina's death if he would stay in Budapest." Daddy Ramon proceeded with.
"Until he accepts the position on TvN8 Station. He met you and Nicka. Our son has changed a lot.
He has come to life again. Like nothing happened. He does not look back.
He learned to smile and laugh again, because of you and Nicka. So we want to thank you." Mommy Vina took my hand.
"You do not know about surrogacy?" I implored while still weeping.
"You told me about surrogacy," she replied.
"Nikolai and Genina, they decided to find a surrogate mother so they can have a child." My foreword.
"We do not know about that. Nikolai did not tell it to us because of his preceding situation." Daddy Ramon shook his head.
"I am the surrogate mother they have chosen. I had to accept their offer for the operation of my mother.
I agreed even though I did not know what would happen to me as long as Mama lived.
Only now did I find out that Nikolai is Nicka's biological father. So I confronted him.
I spoke to him with painful and unpleasant words. I feel like I am the reason why Nikolai is missing now.
I thought he was just afraid of responsibility. I did not know what he went through." I said while moaning.
"What? Nicka is our granddaughter?" Mommy Vina begged.
"Yes, she is the daughter of Nickolai and Genina." Unconsciously I touched my mouth.
"My God, that is why we are so intimate to the girl, we are blood related," Daddy Ramon exclaimed.
"It is my fault! I drove Nikolai away. I told him, he has no right to Nicka for abandoning her." My chest was tightening.
"He is suffering from dysthymia at that time. So maybe he was not able to get Nicka.
He did not mention it to us either. He was devastated at that period. Way back then, we are losing our hope that he could recover." Daddy Ramon explained furthermore.
"I need to find Nikolai and talk to him. I do not want to trigger his depression. I am feeling upset." I want to slap myself.
"It is not your fault. We are the ones to thank and you took good care of Nicka.
You made Nicks delighted again. If you only knew." Mommy Vina let out.
I decided to leave Nicka with them first. Daddy Ramon wanted to come with me but I begged, I will look for Nikolai on my own.
I have to find Nikolai. Now I know the real reason. It was not easy for him to go through his difficulties either.
He almost lost his life. What if because of me he returned to the past
I cannot handle that! I need to locate him.
I called Nathan. Nikolai is also not on TvN8 Station. I met him at a nearby cafeteria.
"It looks like Nicks' disappearance is serious. I guess we need to find him. Maybe..." I stopped what he was going to say.
"Please, do not tell me he will commit suicide again." I closed my eyes.
"Do you know already?" Nathan implored.
I bobbed.
"Looks like you are having a serious fight. Was it about surrogacy? He told me about that briefly recently because he asked for your personal information.
I do not know if this would help to change the way you look at him. He is a good man.
He cares for you a lot. Even though he had not met Nicka yet. Even though he did not know the child is his." Nathan's long statement.
"What about that?" Looks like he has something else to say.
"He wants your convenience and safety so he bought your car. He saves what you pay monthly.
He paid cash for the care. He does not even want you to commute. Then the house thing?
There is no sponsor for the house. He is the sponsor because he wants to give you and Nicka a quiet and comfortable place to live. It is still near to their house." He revealed.
"Did he do that?" I asked.
"Yes, even if he does not know about surrogacy. He accepted you even if you have a child.
He cares for you. He is sincere with you. Genina has been lost in the cycle of his life since you came." Nathan added.
"Nathan, do you know where he lives? I mean, the house he went home to before he went home to their house." I implored.
"Ahhmmm yeah! Do you want to go with me?" he suggested.
"I need to talk to him. I need to fix this." I rested deeply.
"Here, I will text you the address. Be careful. And I hope you will find him." While he was typing.
I promptly went to the address that Nathan texted me. For real? Did he use to go home far away from TvN8 Station?
I drove it for about an hour. That is how intense Nickolai's separation of himself was.
Then I just judge him like that. He was right, they gave me all that I needed.
Everything they promised, they granted it.
I even finished school. There is a bright future for me with TvN8 Station which he owned.
What I have done to him? I hope I listened to his explanation first. He showed nothing nasty to me from the beginning.
All he wanted was what was favorable for me and Nicka. Did he really think to do all that?
He gave me a car and did not ask for anything in return.
He gave me a house.
Nikolai, what are you thinking? Please, I hope I can find you soon.
And hopefully, you are doing well. I forced myself to focus on my driving.
I do not want to be disgraced again. I needed to talk to and see Nikolai. I want to hug him.
I want to say now I understand why he was able to abandon Nicka.
He did not abandon Nicka. Not before and particularly not in the present.