Chapter 64 Chapter 64 - Love and Goodbye

I went to TvN8 Station. I want to say goodbye to them before I finally decide for myself.
"Are you sure you are leaving for good? Does Sir Nikolai already know this?" Ms. Beth implored.
"I will also bid goodbye to him today, Ms. Beth. Too much has happened. I can no longer face the Love Hotline, the people." I apologized to her.
"I just want to tell you that you are a big loss to TvN8 Station and Love Hotline when you leave.
I am sure your fans will be very unhappy when they do not see you again." She held my hand.
"Ms. Beth, I want to put myself first now. I did not just lose a project or a pet dog.
I lost a child. I lost a loved one." I reasoned out.
After talking to Ms. Beth, I went straight to Nikolai's office.
I knocked.
"Come in!" he commanded.
I opened the door and bent down to approach him.
"Love!" when he saw me.
He quickly stood up and greeted me. He would have fondled me but I backed away to avoid him.
"Come! Sit down! How are you? I cannot go to your house because I know you will not talk to me either." Nikolai looks excited to see me.
"I just want to ask you if you love me?" my introduction.
"Of course, I love you, Eve. I love you so much." and he could no longer refrain from touching my arms.
"In that case, you will give me what I ask of you! Because the person who loves knows how to tolerate." I finally looked into his eyes.
"Anything, I will do it for you just forgive me." pleading Nikolai.
"I am resigning! And this is for good. I am leaving and please do not look for me anymore.
Do not follow me. I can not say I have forgiven you now, but maybe over time, I can do that too." I withdrew my arm from him to take my resignation letter from my bag.
"You do not have to resign, you do not have to leave. If you are still mad at me, I will adjust myself.
I will not show up to you. I will not come near you. For as long as I know you are just here.
I know you are safe. I know you are just close to me." He explained his side.
"I can not afford to work with you, Nikolai! I just keep feeling like you chose Luna over Gabriel and me.
I can not stop myself and I keep on thinking about it over and over again.
Leave me alone! This time, follow my request to you. You did not grant my request in the past, this time, give it to me." And I tried to hand him my resignation letter.
"How are our feelings? How is our relationship?" again Nikolai asked.
"Feelings? Relationship? Did you think of that when you preferred your friendship with Luna?
I do not want to go back to the past, it is assassinating me. Yes, she is imprisoned and paying for Gabriel's loss but could not bring his life back to us.
And be fair to me, if you love me, why can't you propose to me?" I gradually felt furious again.
"I have my plans. And the wedding is included in the plan. I have not even done it yet because I wanted to focus on your pregnancy. I want to make it up with Gabriel." He litany.
"I do not want to talk about your plans anymore. I want to take off without leaving anything behind.
I am officially resigning effective today.
And I am officially breaking up with you effective today." My courageous answer.
"I thought you love me, Eve! Why can't you forgive me? Why would you leave me?" he again reached for my hand.
"Because not everyone who loves should be together, Nikolai! The wound you left on me, you and Luna, is too profound.
And I can not just put up with that lightly." I rested deeply.
"How about Nicka?" another question by Nikolai that was hard to answer.
"My love for Nicka is endless and genuine, you know that. Nicka knows that.
Let me bid a happy farewell with her. This time, do me a favor, let me tell her in a way she does not know what the two of us are going through.
I am giving you the full rights for your child, to your child with Genina. It is murdering me every day that I have not been able to protect my blood and flesh.
Please, let me talk to Nicka once and for all. I do not want to leave her crying, miserable, and stressed out.
I want to leave without her realizing that there is a crisis. I want her to know that everything is fine.
I need to find myself, Nikolai. You need to find yours too." I tried to convince him.
I know I am becoming drastic on him. And I also did not know how to talk to Nicka regarding this matter.
I had to go to the mansion of the La Marcus.
"Mommy Vina, Daddy Ramon, probably Nikolai has already told you my decision." when we were together on the poolside.
"Yes, Eve, and we understand your side. It hurts to lose a child. We were also very hurt by the loss of Gabriel and that was because of someone we authorized in and out of our house." Mommy Vina's voice was hateful.
"Whatever you think is best for you and Nikolai, we will support you both. And we promise you we will take care of Nicka." Daddy Ramon elucidated.
I uttered countless gratefulness for their understanding of me. And most of all, for loving Nicka.
"Mommy!" Nicka's happy yell.
"Baby!" and I held out my hand for her to embrace me.
I let them know that I would borrow Nicka in the meantime.
I allowed Nikolai to come with Nicka and me. We were like a family again when we were in the car.
We are complete!
"Mommy, I missed you so much. You have been away for so long again. But daddy said it is because you are still dreadful about the loss of baby Gabriel.
Me too, mommy, I am so sad because I thought I was going to have a brother." Nicka announced sadly.
"He is in heaven now and he is with Papa Jesus!" I mumbled.
I decided to take Nicka to an amusement park for our parting time to be a fun and memorable one.
I do not want her to feel terrible and miserable.
I played with Nicka first. We took the rides she wanted. We ate ice cream.
We are having so much fun! I want to cry at the thought of leaving her again.
"I am tired, Mommy!" Nicka's proclamation.
"Come on, let us rest!" I told her.
We moved toward Nikolai's seat.
"You are so sweaty." And I rubbed Nicka's back.
"Eve, please!" Nikolai mumbled softly.
I looked at him without an awful. I glanced at him as if saying 'I have to do this'.
"Nicka, you know that Gabriel, your brother, died." my foreword.
She bobbed in response.
"Mommy, she is so maimed by the loss of Gabriel. So mommy needs to get away first to get back to being happy.
But that does not mean mommy does not love you. Nicka, I love you so much.
My child, do not be mad at mommy if I have to leave again like before." I could not stop my tears from escaping my eyes.
"Daddy told me that even if you leave you still love us both. And you will come back, mommy." I was surprised by what Nicka let out.
"Mommy will come back. I will come back for you." I caressed Nicka's face.
"I would have liked to come with you, mommy but daddy said he is not with you either.
So that means, you are going back to the two of us as well. Mommy, I understand that I am not your child but I still love you as my mom and I could feel that you love me as your child.
I will wait for you! You are my only mother." And Nicka abruptly hugged me.
I felt even more sorry for her and myself.
Once again my love for Nikolai prevailed. But I can not understand why I still can not forgive him at these times.
My world collapsed, even more, when Nikolai cuddled me too.
He hugged me tightly and I knew he was very apologetic for what had transpired.
When we got back to the mansion, Nicka fell asleep on the way.
"Nicka is a very smart kid so she can understand what is going on," I said softly.
"Because she knows you will come back.
You will come back to her, you will come back to us." Nikolai glanced at me.
"I can not make a promise! So Nikolai, if you have someone else to love, I will not blame you.
From today, I give you the freedom to choose and love again." I told him.
We arrived at the garage of their mansion.
"Do not say that. I will be waiting for you!" Nikolai murmured!
"I am not sure if I can even go back." I closed my eyes to the last word I said.
"I will still wait for you! Eve, destiny has brought us together again.
And now we are separated by fortune. If destiny does not want us to meet furthermore, I will make a way." And again Nikolai nuzzled me.
I let myself into his arms for a few seconds.
I still feel insurance.
And I feel love.
I love him and Nicka very much and I hope he would make a way for us to meet again at the right time and the right place.