Chapter 63 Chapter 63 - My Judgement

I closed my eyes again.
I forced myself to sleep so that when I woke up it was all over.
"Nikolai, tell me it is not true that our child is gone." and at last I confronted him.
Nikolai took my hand furthermore. He bussed it.
"That is also what I want to tell you when you wake up. I want to let you know that everything is fine.
But our baby did not make it! He is gone." Nikolai almost stammered.
"Where is Luna?" I begged him.
"She is in jail!" Nikolai's prompt reply.
"I will kill her! I will kill that bitch!" I shouted with extreme anger.
"Eve, calm down. It might weaken you. You might bleed again." Nhella reprimanded me.
"Nhella, can you let Eve and I talk first?
I want to talk to her in private." Nikolai confronted his sister.
"All right, I will just go outside. Please, talk appropriately.
You need each other more now and you both lost your child." Nhella advised before finally leaving the room.
"It is your fault, Nikolai! It is your negligence why I lost my child." I started because of the resentment I feel has lived on.
"I am sorry! I am sorry." Nikolai repeatedly pleaded.
"Can your sorry bring our child's life back? I already told you to avoid Luna because she loves you so much.
But what did you do? You chose your friendship more than my request to you even though you see me stressing out on her.
Perhaps, you are not numb so as not to feel that she likes you and Luna is flirting with you.
She was the reason why I left but you still chose to keep her. And now what? Your woman killed my child.
She killed my baby! How can you get my child's life back?" And I cried because of outrage and great sorrow.
"Love, please! Forgive me. I never thought Luna would do this." again he apologized.
"Do not ever call me Love! You chose Luna over me and your child so he disappeared.
It is all your shortcoming! Go away! Leave me! Go away!" I shouted at Nikolai.
"Please! Let us prioritize mourning the loss of our child before your anger." he contended.
"You have no privilege to mourn, Nikolai! Tell Luna to bring back my child!" I said furiously.
"You are bleeding again! Eve, please, that is enough!" Nikolai stood up.
Then he called the nurse. I could not stop my weeping.
"My child! My baby!" I said repeatedly as I could see the reddish liquid flowing back down my thighs.
The doctor checked on me again. And then the nurse cleaned me up.
When I went back to bed, Ella and Luigi were already in my room.
"Eve!" they called my name at the same time.
"Ella, Luigi!" and I quickly hugged them both.
Then I sobbed again because of the despair and suffering.
"Your doctor said you need to settle down. Because if you continue intensifying your emotions, you will percolate again.
You might be the one to perish, Eve!" Ella clarified.
"For what else and should I live? My child is gone. I would rather go with him. Ella, my child is gone." As I sat on my bed.
"Do not say that, Eve! What about Nicka? She is waiting for you. Nicka loves you. She is your child too." Luigi rationalized.
"I took care of the child who was not my blood relative for nine months in my womb.
I loved her and accepted her as my real child. I did not think of the hardship just to bring that child to life.
I forgot all my apprehensions for Nicka. But my blood and flesh, I was not able to save him. He just disappeared from me." I said softly while wailing.
"You are not to blame for the loss of your baby. It is just a coincidence that there was a horrible person who harmed you.
Eve, Luna is already incarcerated. She will pay for what she did to your baby, to you and Sir Nikolai!" Again Ella asserted.
"I beg you, do not let Nikolai into my room anymore. I do not want to talk to him or see him." I told them both.
They nodded as proof that they agreed with what I requested.
I can only sleep because of the medicine but without the medicine, I am sure I will not be able to sleep.
Their Point-of-Views
"Sir Nikolai, I am sorry. Eve does not want to see nor talk to you. Just let her rest and recover before you talk to her." Ella elucidated.
"Is she okay? Is she still mad at me?" while Nikolai strained to see Eve lying down and looking asleep.
"I do not know! Let us just understand what Eve is going through. She lost a child and it was not an accident.
That is intentionally done by whom you considered a friend." She rested deeply.
"I lost a child too, Ella! That child is also my child. The loss of my child is killing me. It mistreats me more because the one who did it to us was the person I trusted and treated as a friend." Nikolai reasoned out.
"Let her rest first, please!" Ella pleaded again.
Nikolai listened to Ella so he left as well.
The next day...
"I will just accomplish your discharge paper. So we can go home," said Ella.
"All right, Ella! Thank you!" my simple response.
I hugged my child's urn. I decided on cremation for my little angel.
He would have been a boy if he had lived. I named my son Gabriel. Because now he is an angel.
Even though I did not see him, I knew I took good care of him while he was in my womb.
"Gabriel, Mommy loves you so much," I told him.
"Eve!" a familiar voice called my name.
"What are you doing here?" a sharp look I shot at him.
"I will take you and baby home," he retorted.
"I am not going home to your house anymore. And the more you cannot take Gabriel home to your house.
You are the main reason for his loss." and I tightened my grip on Gabriel's urn.
"You named him Gabriel. Eve, I have never thought badly of you and our son.
I just want you both to be healthy. I love you so much, you, Nicka, and Gabriel." Nikolai pleaded.
"If you love us you would not have chosen Luna over us." I cannot look at him.
"I hate myself for trusting her. But Eve, Gabriel is also my child. I also lost him. I am also mourning.
It hurts me to lose him. I wished to do to him what I had not done for Nicka and then he vanishes right away." He insisted.
"I should have thought of that before when I pleaded that you avoid Luna.
You insisted on your friendship and did not even think about my condition.
Get out! Gabriel and I do not need you." I told him calmly.
"I will not allow it, Eve! I will not leave you." Nikolai argued.
"I cannot be with you anymore. I think every day about losing Gabriel and that is because of Luna and you!" and finally I looked at Nikolai.
"I hope now you will listen to my pleading. Now it is too late and we have both lost a child.
Go away and leave me. That is all I am asking from you!" I added it to my litany.
Good thing that Nikolai listened! He came out of my room and left me.
Right now my anger is dominant. I feel like Luna and Nikolai concurred with the situation.
It kept coming back to my sanity that I begged Nikolai but he still preferred to have Luna.
I remedied myself. I am getting better. I have to move on without forgetting Gabriel.
My life has to go on and see the person who killed my child suffer.
Then I went to Luna at the precinct.
"Are you happy now? Because my son died?" I asked her.
"Eve, forgive me! I love Nicko so much so perhaps I did those things to you.
I never thought you would lose your child. I am sorry for what I did. I was blinded by my love and eagerness to have Nicko." Luna pleaded.
"I can only forgive you if you can bring my son back to life," I told her angrily.
"I am sorry, Eve! I will pay here in jail for what I did to your son." she pleaded again.
"You will rot here in jail! You have no right to be free!" and I stood up.
I left Luna weeping. I went straight to my car and there I felt the suffering again.
When will the anguish of my heart be gone?
Phil called...
"Eve, mommy and I are going to your house. Are you okay?" there was concern in his voice.
"I am fine! You do not have to come home with Mommy Darcie here.
Phil, I plan to go home there soon. Just wait for me" I told him.
"It is better that you come home. Mommy and I will be here for you.
We will take care of you." my brother's quick consent.
It is not yet apparent what is on my mind.
I still do not know what decision I should make after what came about.
I love Nikolai! From then until now but I do not think everyone who loves each other should be together.
Particularly, if we will just continue hurting each other.
I still cannot forget the loss of Gabriel. And I still cannot accept that Nikolai was part of his loss.